Not sure, most of my recovery process goes in the direction that I am more aware that we don't have future.
But it seems that my codependency issues still exist and I suposse they are provoking this question.
"What if" situation.
In my opinion, I do not think "what ifs" are mutually exclusive to codependency. It is understandable and reasonable to look at situation with a different perspective and wonder if it could possibly work.
I broke up because I was too emotionally exhausted and didn't know the facts about BPD that I have learned after break up.
It is good that you recognized your feelings and did what was best for you. That has been one of the hardest things for me to overcome, putting my own needs first. It is advantageous that you are self-aware and have limitations/boundaries. Both are needed to improve a relationship with a BPD sufferer.
But considering the fact that I have learned a lot about their behavior and read a lot stories here, now I see other patterns that I recognized and that could imply some things that maybe happened in my r/s (lying about some stuff, possible emotional cheating or even physical?)Like I said, don't have proof now but things are bugging me. But on the other hand, I feel bad because I am thinking of this without solid proof.My mind is a bit messed up now. Don't really know what to do. Probably nothing until my mind clears up.
As great as it is to read and relate to other's stories, it can be easy to extrapolate patterns of behavior and retroactively apply them to your relationship. I did it. I started convincing myself that my boyfriend was doing all these things. In retrospect, I caused myself so much anxiety and worry. As there are common traits amongst BPD sufferers, you have to remember everyone has different traits. Inferences about individual behavior drawn from a group is an ecological fallacy. Try not to fall in that trap.
I completely understand how you feel like your mind is messed up and are confused. Take a step back and then try to look at your situation from a wise mind perspective.
I was just wondering do you see some significant improvement while applying those communication/behavior skills from board lessons.
I have seen a dramatic improvement with my relationship from my therapy and using the tools. Once I stopped walking on eggshells, things got so much better. It is has gotten to a point where we can have mutual conversations about our own feelings without adverse outcomes. It honestly has shifted into a equalitarian relationship.