When do the the crazy glasses come off?

[bruisedbattered]

Hi,  

I dont know about all of you, but since Ive detached, and been growing stronger, more confident... .ive also been looking at the world through crazy goggles.    Everytime I see a woman, speak to a woman, hear a woman ----   alarms, bells, sirens etc... .   as for men, If I sense the slightest bit of mental illness, rude behavior or agression -- I feel the hairs on my back rise like a threatened animal ready to attack.   I miss the old me, carefree me.   I guess my question is: when do the ptsd/anxiety attacks cease, and the clear sailing begin?    

[HarmKrakow]

Hi,  

I dont know about all of you, but since Ive detached, and been growing stronger, more confident... .ive also been looking at the world through crazy goggles.    Everytime I see a woman, speak to a woman, hear a woman ----   alarms, bells, sirens etc... .   as for men, If I sense the slightest bit of mental illness, rude behavior or agression -- I feel the hairs on my back rise like a threatened animal ready to attack.   I miss the old me, carefree me.   I guess my question is: when do the ptsd/anxiety attacks cease, and the clear sailing begin?    

They begin when you meet a woman where the red flags don't go of. And believe me they exist.

Be happy that they do go off... seriously. You want another BPD malfunctional relationship where you again end up here? I doubt that.

It's the perks of being an adult unfortunately.

[Bananas]

This is a tough one and I suppose it is different for everyone.  I am diagnosed with PTSD and my symptoms are definietly getting better, I am 8.5 months out.  Unfortunately I work with the ex so I think that is why it is taking me a long time... he triggers my anxiety.

Because I have been learning so much about PDs thanks to this Board and to my therapist who just happens to specialize in PDs and PTSD, I see disordered people everywhere so I have tons of alarm bells going off but they don't really make me feel anxious, just want to make me stay away.   

My T gave me some exercises to try and the one that helps me the most is to think of my ex (and others with PDs) like children. 

[Learning_curve74]

Let's not get carried away. Almost everybody has certain "issues". We can easily get carried away with finding fault with any human being because all human beings are flawed in one way or another. Nobody is perfect!

The difference is in determining if we are healthy and whether another person is healthy. And I very much doubt that this can be discovered upon first sight. You can only build up a picture of somebody over a period of time. Even the initial "BPD behaviors" are simply behaviors that everybody tends to exhibit at the beginning of a relationship such as idealization and mirroring.

It is perfectly fine to be very sensitive to "red flags". It probably means that you are not healed to the point that you can be ready to meet people for a new relationship. Which is a perfectly okay thing and probably a good thing!  

[alliance]

I have been noticing the same kind of thing. I am very wary around other people these days.

And, I pay closer attention to the things people say to me. So I hear weird stuff a lot sooner than usual and I am less likely to dismiss it.

I suspect it is all part of the healing process and just being more aware.

[bruisedbattered]

I was at a cafe last night with my friend discussing his art and just relaxing.  The music was a bit depressing, so I requested a change.     A drunk idiot came over and started lecturing me on music.  I ignored him, but then he started "Hey buddy listen to me"  so i told him I was relaxing with my friend, didnt want to socialize with him becaues he was drunk, and please leave us alone... .   He responded with ' YOU are offending me'  ... .  I responded with, "If you dont get away from me in 10 seconds I will break you neck, and shove it up you ass ... .'   needless to say police showed up, and kicked him out.   I have 0 tolerance now... .   I fear I will end up in prison... .

[laelle]

Otherwise known as Hypervigilance.  

I agree with learning_curve74 on this.  No one is perfect, and you would not have to look very hard to find red flags.  Everyone has red flags.  

We all fit some of the criteria for one mental disorder or another.  If you talk or write in an abnormal way, or dress with too much individuality you fit two criteria for

schizotypal personality disorder.  We are all a little bit bonkers, it is actually part of what makes us... .US!

To gauge compatibility with another person, introduce them to the boundaries that you set for yourself, and see if they look to break them or if they respect what is important to you... .

 Laelle


@bruisedbattered... . Way to stand up for yourself and your boundaries! 

[ShadowDancer]

I was at a cafe last night with my friend discussing his art and just relaxing.  The music was a bit depressing, so I requested a change.     A drunk idiot came over and started lecturing me on music.  I ignored him, but then he started "Hey buddy listen to me"  so i told him I was relaxing with my friend, didnt want to socialize with him becaues he was drunk, and please leave us alone... .  He responded with ' YOU are offending me'  ... . I responded with, "If you dont get away from me in 10 seconds I will break you neck, and shove it up you ass ... .'   needless to say police showed up, and kicked him out.   I have 0 tolerance now... .  I fear I will end up in prison... .

Good for you. Some stupid drunken assh0les deserve their butts kicked up around their ears now and then. You are in a touchy place right now. If a drunk wants to screw with Sasquatch shame on him. He got fair warning. He got kicked out not you. Shizzle!

[HarmKrakow]

I was at a cafe last night with my friend discussing his art and just relaxing.  The music was a bit depressing, so I requested a change.     A drunk idiot came over and started lecturing me on music.  I ignored him, but then he started "Hey buddy listen to me"  so i told him I was relaxing with my friend, didnt want to socialize with him becaues he was drunk, and please leave us alone... .   He responded with ' YOU are offending me'  ... .  I responded with, "If you dont get away from me in 10 seconds I will break you neck, and shove it up you ass ... .'   needless to say police showed up, and kicked him out.   I have 0 tolerance now... .   I fear I will end up in prison... .

* claps hands *

You stood up for yourself. Well done. Shame you didn't do it enough with your ex.