When do they reach out

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

After a second break up when do/how long did it take for your BPD ex to reach out to you again. ? Mine brought up marraige then broke up with me 2 weeks later... .deleted me from fb then added me after a day. What should I expect? Her social media posts have been on the run(meaning posting more than usual) one was about how hard it is to admit you made a mistake... .dated this girl for 1 year 3 months she broke up with me once before but came back. I know this isnt healthy... .but i do love her . Any help would be great or advice .

[Duckhockey29]

After a second break up when do/how long did it take for your BPD ex to reach out to you again. ? Mine brought up marraige then broke up with me 2 weeks later... .deleted me from fb then added me after a day. What should I expect? Her social media posts have been on the run(meaning posting more than usual) one was about how hard it is to admit you made a mistake... .dated this girl for 1 year 3 months she broke up with me once before but came back. I know this isnt healthy... .but i do love her . Any help would be great or advice .

[Warcleods]

There's no time frame for when she may reach out, if ever.  People with BPD may paint you all black and never reach out or only reach out if they need something.  It's always about them, your feelings aren't considered.   At this juncture, it's best to focus on the reasons why she keeps recycling and whether you think that is sustainable for you.  :)oesn't sound like it is.  :)o you love her or do you love the chaos the relationship creates?

[Pretty Woman]

It's usually when their next attachment starts heading south. As Warcleods mentioned, there really is no rhyme or reason to their re-establishing a connection. Sometimes they are so filled with shame they never reach out, or they just paint you black and you never hear from them again.

I am sure a part of you wants her to reach out. I did at one time too. It's better when they don't and you are able to heal. That way IF she does you won't take her back because believe you me, each recycle is more damaging and not worth it.

[Duckhockey29]

She just remoced me on fb again... .

[CooperD]

DuckHockey relate to what you say completely - my BPD wife has completely blanked me since she dropped the divorce on me - as if I no longer exist / or am dead.  Last contact was her threatening to report me for harrasment if i contacted her and she also emailed my parents to say that I am (to quote) " no longer her spouse, friend or someone I want in in my life"

Warcleods and pretty woman describe pretty well what I think will happen in my case but maybe your BPD is different.  I genuinely feel i will never hear from my BPD again - she has painted me black in such a way / ended things sadistically and ive seen before with how she has treated previous "best friends" they have also been painted black and then just discarded.

Do you have similar experiences with your BPD treating close friends like that as may give you an insight into what you may expect yourself ?

I do hope my BPD is full of shame for what she has done to me and how she ended things so brutally

[JRT]

It could be in an hour it could be never... .after two years and and becoming formally engaged, mine so,d her redundant furniture and moved in on her own prompting. By her own insistence a week later, we ordered our wedding rings and began to discuss wedding arrangements... .2 weeks later I went on a business trip and she moved out notifying me via text and then blocking me everywhere  (there were no arguments or incidents)... .though I know that at one point she was stalking me electronically, I had not spoken with her since and don't beleive she will ever reach out... .that was well over 2 years ago.

[Dutched]

There is no time frame as every person is different.
The best prediction is to look at the past, and I mean way back, in late teenage. 
Cluster B present itself fully (total uncontrollable outbursts / cutting / impulsiveness, etc) during that age.

Did that result in just leaving a few days, week and returning.
Being ashamed, but no guilt at all (justified action=> ‘I had to do it!’) and just carried on as if nothing happened.

Did that result in cutting out people, painting them totally black, vanishing from earth, etc.
= not ever wanting to come back, but, with great efforts, some low contact was re-established eventually resulting in a ‘normal’ level
= not ever wanted to come back, but hit rock bottom in their life (attached or social setting) and ‘needed’ support or had ‘nowhere’ ells to go
= not ever wanting to have contact again. Cutting out parents/brothers/ sisters and all family, best friends and social activities? So starting from zero with a whole new life.

Based on that knowledge, that history, it be will be a fairly good prediction for what to expect

[Dutched]

I genuinely feel i will never hear from my BPD again - she has painted me black in such a way / ended things sadistically and ive seen before with how she has treated previous "best friends" they have also been painted black and then just discarded.

Same, exw is a people cutter. Did it at age 18, dumped her parents/family/best friend of yrs. and all social activities. After 9 yrs. contact was re-established (help of a 3rd party) with her parents. In her diary she  is full of disgust about her upbringing,

Friends. Same, after a 30+ yrs. mutual friends of a 25-30 yrs. were dumped like garbage when exw broke up.

Again, finding desperately a new social setting as exw was within a short time was spit out in our small village after her real self was exposed.

I do hope my BPD is full of shame for what she has done to me and how she ended things so brutally

Don’t put your money on that    BPD is indeed a shame based disorder but…
In order to justify all for herself remind yourself, feeling becomes facts, so
= you were never loved, ‘I just needed you to be there!’
= the r/s was nothing at all, just a necessity, just unfulfilling
= you never supported her or failed on many occasions  
= you hurt her feeling every time again and so immense, so beyond believe
= you were aggressive and even not normal and just an embarrassing person
= etc.
That is (part) of those justifications told all over this Board.
That is the reason why it is justified in heir minds.

That exw 2 (twice) refused my hand as a goodbye (never said goodbye to her parents either…)
You know why? Exw only… ‘left temporarily’… for her rest… up to today she can’t get the word ‘divorce’ out, nor said goodbye.  

What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly tangled in the spiders web.

[Fr4nz]

Just adding my 2c... .

My experience is that you may also be painted white again... .yet, it is also very possible that you'll never know, since BPD sufferers may have huge difficulties to overcome the shame deriving from the impulsive actions that brought to the breakup.

This happened to me after 13 months of NC, when I met my ex completely by accident in a bar in the city where she lives. However, the whitening lasted only until the day after, when she asked me to meet her at her workplace... .that day she turned again stone cold with respect to me (note: nothing bad absolutely happened... .she just flipped again that switch for unknown reasons).

Anyway, you can read the story in my past posts if you're interested.

All in all, it's better to stay out of the BPD storm and focus on your own well-being and life... .

[Curiously1]

As long as you fill a need they often come back. It is just a matter of when.
As everyone has already mentioned, it could be an hour, month, years, never.
It depends on what they remember about you, how things ended, and whether they think you are best to fill their needs.

[lovenature]

What should I expect?

Depends on her current emotion of the moment.

I would recommend you continue reading and posting, once you learn enough about BPD you will realize that there is no way to have a healthy relationship unless the PWBPD commits to years of therapy and their partner makes significant personal sacrifices to manage the relationship.
Sadly the higher functioning the PWBPD is, the less likely they are to ever get the help they need.