Question: You really thought it was yours but….”

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Okay, in a nutshell. She fled upon becoming pregnant though we were attempting to have a child. Now the child has been born but she is states away, lives next door to her parents, and will not contact me. No pictures.I only found out the was born because I texted she and her mother asking and finally her mother responded. Anyway I have taken some steps to prepare for what’s to come. One of my counsels said that from the sounds of it it sounds very possible that : she may not know who the father is or it’s definitely not yours.
 Now I don’t understand why I would get a response regarding the child’s name, birth etc if ‘they’ knew it wasn’t mine inspiring the ‘she doesn’t know for sure’ ..

Anyway, my question:

  Has anyone ever thought without a doubt it was their child only to find out it wasn’t? 

*I want to add that as I looked over all the many ways I was led to believe so much through trauma bonding etc. , I do see it possible that there was someone else she snuck off with but no definitive proof, just a strange encounter one day that included she and someone else.
* around this time she encouraged me to help her follow her ovulation cycle as to become pregnant. Was your story similar?

Thank you for listening and sharing.

[Firsttimefather]

Okay, in a nutshell. She fled upon becoming pregnant though we were attempting to have a child. Now the child has been born but she is states away, lives next door to her parents, and will not contact me. No pictures.I only found out the was born because I texted she and her mother asking and finally her mother responded. Anyway I have taken some steps to prepare for what’s to come. One of my counsels said that from the sounds of it it sounds very possible that : she may not know who the father is or it’s definitely not yours.
 Now I don’t understand why I would get a response regarding the child’s name, birth etc if ‘they’ knew it wasn’t mine inspiring the ‘she doesn’t know for sure’ ..

Anyway, my question:

  Has anyone ever thought without a doubt it was their child only to find out it wasn’t? 

*I want to add that as I looked over all the many ways I was led to believe so much through trauma bonding etc. , I do see it possible that there was someone else she snuck off with but no definitive proof, just a strange encounter one day that included she and someone else.
* around this time she encouraged me to help her follow her ovulation cycle as to become pregnant. Was your story similar?

Thank you for listening and sharing.

[ForeverDad]

However this unfolds, it is clear you will at some point need a DNA test by a court trusted company to confirm or exclude whether this is your child.

There are some states that require the father's identity to track him down before granting welfare aid.

Some states have laws that define you as father if you provide support even if you later discover you're not the father.

Most if not all states will require you to pay child support whether or not you are involved in some level of custody and parenting.  So you'd need to provide proof of fatherhood either way.

There's 3 reasons to rule in or out your parental status.  Much also depends on the laws of her state, as you've already heard.

So I spoke with a family law atty just for advice...

A.The state she resides in now is where you will need legal help should you need/choose to seek further…

"As hard as it is to hear, I advise you to stay away from her, don’t live with her under the same roof or your life may simply just become hell. Best of luck to you."

[Turkish]

The opposite: my buddy thought the child wasn't his, yet agreed to a DNA test. She was in the USA and he was living in Germany, US Army. Their son was his. He didn't have to agree.

FTF, you want to take the test to confirm, yes? And if yours, then the challenges will start.

[Firsttimefather]

Thank you,
   Yes a test is being requested ..The child was just born a couple weeks ago. The ‘clues’ I have been given are very limited and having just come through the holidays with almost total disconnect, etc . left me curious for similar stories so I put out my post. Decided to come here instead of elsewhere I suppose.
 Once again ty for your response. I do agree with everything you have said and have researched those elements of it etc. It’s difficult to have any idea what my partner or their family are thinking as far as the future and it is feasible that there is room for doubt.
    

[Firsttimefather]

My apologies as my replies fell out of order and I meant to address my last post to Forever Dad

Turkish- thank you. As if it weren’t challenging enough. I’m doing what I can I feel. I’ve tried for mediation many times during the pregnancy as to keep things from falling too far apart. This effort was in vain. From afar I can see the smear campaign, no access to social profiles.* When we were together she stayed off fb. She is back on with an alias.
  What I’m trying to say it has been difficult at times to not become overwhelmed with thinking or obsessing about the situation. That has been challenging enough, now there is a life brought in and if I am or am not the father I hate that the child’s life has begun in this way. It was not my choice for the path it went down. I tried boundaries and upheld them. This helped me to unplug and back up from the situation. But all efforts to see us figure it out and put it together were denied and shut down.
 So as you say, I definitely see the challenges that do lie ahead.
 Thanks again.

[Turkish]

A confirmation will give you parental rights. Instead of returning to California, he moved to Wisconsin after 26 years in Germany to father. It worked out as he works for the DoD on base near enough, but that isn't such an easy option for everybody. The co-parenting isn't easy either. I hope you get an answer to either put this to rest and move on or confirm, and move forward.

[ForeverDad]

I'll step back in to confirm that Turkish had a valid point.  It is very wise to ponder both the Pros & Cons and their myriad permutations and always proceed cautiously.