Thanks so much ynwa & Larmoyant
It's difficult to figure out when I'm making sense to myself - I've spent so long in BPDWorld that direction seems to have become relative. Relative to what, I have no clue... .
As for what my SO is saying, I suppose the best analogy would be "things you would say to an everyday friend". I got a text this past Saturday with a simple "how's it going?". Then on Sunday she forwarded an email to me she had sent at work with some clever puns - attaching a note saying she knew with my sense of humor I would appreciate the jokes.
Today I got a phone call (I was driving so didn't answer).
Got home - received a text asking if I was okay.
I am trying to be civil so I kept it simple replying, "Fine - you?"
She replied, "I'm good. You have just been really quiet the past few days and wanted to make sure you were okay" followed by "I figured I would have gotten a response to my email."
We can't legally file for divorce for 7 months (state law - must be separated 1 year) - so I would like to keep things civil until we're divorced. But I was clear I had no interest in maintaining a friendship with her. Today I had a burst of insight as to why... .the marriage has been one-sided for years, why exchange that for a one-sided friendship?
I can't decide if I'm being petty - selfish - self-preserving - sensible - a combination of all of these - or even doing the proper thing at all.
I need to seek out a therapist to help me navigate all of this... .
... .but how do I handle things in the meanwhile?