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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
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Money is not everything, BUT...
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Topic: Money is not everything, BUT... (Read 728 times)
Mike_confused
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 295
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #30 on:
March 28, 2014, 08:39:22 AM »
Thicker skin,
I did not mean to imply that only women marry for money. I do recognize that BPD makes it extremely difficult for the sufferer to think of anything or anyone but their own needs - at least for very long.
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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
ivan da terrible
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 14
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #31 on:
March 28, 2014, 09:57:40 AM »
Mike,
I am coming to the party late, and have not read all the replies, but your post could have been written by me. There was a poster called 2010, who had a very good grasp on why BPDs want stuff... . money, and material things. You will have to search for those posts, but it is worth it.
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thicker skin
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Posts: 255
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #32 on:
March 29, 2014, 10:05:02 AM »
Oh Mike... . I didn't think you were implying that
There are some shallow women out there... . I don't like them myself!
Relationships consist of all sorts of contributions. Some men are cross if the wife doesn't work, but raises the kids, keeps house and aids his day to day living. If your time is spent in a busy and productive way, to the better of the family that you've each made, then surely, each has provided and done their job?
We all have different ideas of what works or who works for us and how.
God bless our mums, I say. I've worked in construction and I've had three kids. Construction was a walk in the park compared to the monotonous, demanding, daily, unpaid grind of parenthood and endless chores. I wouldn't change it for the world though. I would change my partners view of motherhood. I don't consider it to be 'not in work'.
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Mike_confused
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 295
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #33 on:
March 29, 2014, 11:25:12 AM »
Thicker skin,
I whole heartedly agree with your statement about being productive and contributing to the good of the family. I consider maintaining a home a huge contribution... . yes, a career. Anything that lightens the collective burdens of the family is a blessing and is productive.
to add to someone's burden due to unrealistic, self-centered demands on the other hand... .
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thicker skin
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Posts: 255
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #34 on:
March 29, 2014, 12:04:04 PM »
High five to you Mike
With you in all sentiments.
My partner has felt that my work and contribution has been of such little importance, that he said it was nothing and excluded me from all family assets... .
After 22 years, I figure he knows where the Vacuum is and given as it's nothing, it won't take him long to do. He could try cleaning the loo too :-)
I cook, I do the laundry and I wash up. I also meet the kids every need. Beyond that, I'm no longer adding nothing to nothing and I drew the line at working my fingers to the bone for a roof over my head til the kids leave home.
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thicker skin
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Posts: 255
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #35 on:
March 29, 2014, 12:06:39 PM »
My partner considers my expectations to be unrealistic, selfish and demanding... .
A joint mortgage.
A shared parenting approach.
Shared bills.
Better communication.
Mutual respect for our contributions... .
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Mike_confused
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 295
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
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Reply #36 on:
March 31, 2014, 10:06:35 AM »
Thicker Skin,
those seem to be realistic expectations to me.
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MissyM
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 702
Re: Money is not everything, BUT...
«
Reply #37 on:
March 31, 2014, 03:43:08 PM »
I hear you Thicker Skin, I have added equal access and accountability over money. My dBPDh doesn't let me have access or information about our finances, and he only wants me to be accountable for spending. He makes stupid decisions regarding large sums of money and wants to micromanage the small purchases I make.
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