I am.just tired of the verbal abuse and the blaming. I know she is struggling but why is it necessary to hurt me in the process?
I'm sorry, my friend, for what you are going through. My T has said it this way (paraphrasing): Borderlines externalize all of their inner conflicts. They *must* find someone to dump it on and torment, else they will implode. They *must* sabotage anything good they can ever have -why would someone so "shameful" deserve anything good? And they keep doing it because it is engrained and unconscious, which is why reasoning with them doesn't really work. It is their automatic way of relating. And facing this about themselves is like staring directly into the sun, which is why so few ever get better.
What you do is ultimately up to you, and nobody has the right to judge it. You just have to decide what you want to live with. While you may improve and be able to "deal with" it better, in some ways, this isn't an ego competition to prove how "strong" we are -not to them, not to others, and not to ourselves. Who cares if we are "strong" enough"? The question is... .why would you want to? The other question is... .are we actually helping the situation or contributing to its dysfunction by staying? You know her better than any of us what she is like. Eventually the thrill of knowing you handled a situation "right" will die down, and you'll be left with a person who likely continues to act the way that she does regardless of how you are.