Just Angry --- No Response Necessary

[DaughterOfHera]

I've been tossing and turning, trying to sleep, just feeling very angry.  I finally got up out of bed, because I know, at this point, it's just no use for now.  I need to wait until my wave of anger is used up.  I thought about typing it here, at least trying to get it out of my head.  I know so many of the members here understand what it's like.  We try and try to make sense of such a nonsensical disease... .to no avail.  I've lived, now, for four and a half decades with a mother with udBPD (high functioning), along with many other family members suffering with a variety of mental illnesses.  No one able to acknowledge it.  No one able to do anything about it.  It feels like mental illness is an inconsiderate degenerate who racks up bills and leaves the world to pay them... .on-going and never-ending.  I am frustrated, mentally tortured, and exhausted.  I'm so tired.  Thank you for the venue to get this out.  I don't require reassurance nor bolstering.  I just needed to get it out.  Thanks.

[Kwamina]

Well even though no response was necessary... .I'm still going to respond

How are you feeling now a few hours have passed?

We all get angry at times. Angry parrot face:

[madeline7]

I understand what you are going through. I am so resentful having lived through 6 decades with an uBPDm, and she is still going strong, but I am wearing out. I just read a book that was recommended by a psychologist (who has a BPDm also) who is running a workshop for caregivers of BPD's. There is a suggestion to be aware of when you tense up when dealing with uncomfortable behaviors, to stop, pause, take 3 breaths, in order to stop "biting the hook". I decided to try to use this method during a phone conversation with my Mom, then later when we were to together. I later realized that I would pass out from pausing and taking deep breaths... .constantly! I told my husband this, we had a good laugh, but as I relay this story I realize how my humor covers a deep frustration and anger. She really does seem impossible to deal with. Heavy sigh.

[DaughterOfHera]

KWAMINA... .wow... .the angry parrot face made me laugh.  Just what I needed this morning.  So funny.  A few weeks have passed since I posted that, and it had indeed helped.  This morning I have woken, again, from an uncomfortable dream (like many nights / mornings) but coming to this community is reassuring.  Today it is helping start the day off right.  The angry parrot faces made my day.  I'm going to try to see if i can save that image.  *grin*

MADELINE7... .yes, so many of us here understand what the anger can get like.  The burden of controlled response is on us, as you say, and it can get to a breaking point.  Finding humour is wonderful, if we can, even if it is covering up the pain, frustration, and anger... .at least it is a moment of relief.  I'm glad for you that you have a husband who understands and is there to participate with you in your moments of relief.  We all have each other, here, too.  I'm so grateful for everyone, grateful for your response, and offer support in return.

Smiles and virtual hugs to both of you. 

[Kwamina]

Thanks for the virtual hugs DaughterOfHera, here are some parrot hugs back

I'm glad you're feeling better and liked the angry parrot face

Have a nice weekend!