No matter what I do...

[Parents! Get help here!]

... it's never good enough.

My ds, 21, is never happy with anything and always finds fault with whatever happens in his life, good or bad. I try to always be perky and up-beat, but he always finds fault in even positive happenings. And he always manages to screw things up for himself. Took him with me to the flea-market so he could earn some money for himself and feel proud, but he complained right away he didn't make enough money and now complains that someone stole 10 euro from him ( we live in Europe). Nothing ever seems to work out. Going back to our visit to disneyworld FL when he was 8 and got upset because he didn't get to see the characters he wanted to see. Gaaah! It never ends! Going broke financially trying to keep him afloat and emotionally trying to stay sane! He lives on his own (I'm paying) as he was so abusive to me I couldn't handle it, but am running out of money and options (in this country there aren't many). I just can't seem to get through to him, even though we've talked a LOT about BPD and the signs he should watch for and self-manage (he won't go to therapy and in this country it's non-existent). Losing my mind here... .

[lilij10]

... it's never good enough.

My ds, 21, is never happy with anything and always finds fault with whatever happens in his life, good or bad. I try to always be perky and up-beat, but he always finds fault in even positive happenings. And he always manages to screw things up for himself. Took him with me to the flea-market so he could earn some money for himself and feel proud, but he complained right away he didn't make enough money and now complains that someone stole 10 euro from him ( we live in Europe). Nothing ever seems to work out. Going back to our visit to disneyworld FL when he was 8 and got upset because he didn't get to see the characters he wanted to see. Gaaah! It never ends! Going broke financially trying to keep him afloat and emotionally trying to stay sane! He lives on his own (I'm paying) as he was so abusive to me I couldn't handle it, but am running out of money and options (in this country there aren't many). I just can't seem to get through to him, even though we've talked a LOT about BPD and the signs he should watch for and self-manage (he won't go to therapy and in this country it's non-existent). Losing my mind here... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[GeekyGirl]

Hi lilij10,

Welcome!   I'm sorry that you're going through this with your son. It's painful when you feel like you constantly disappoint someone.

What kind of plan does your son have to take care of himself in the long term? What kind of support do you have for yourself?

You're not alone here. There are many other members with children with BPD, and you'll find that they'll be able to give you advice and support. There are also some good tools that you can use to work on your relationship and take care of yourself. I'd recommend that you start here: What can a parent do? (for parents of pwBPD).

Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

-GG

[lbjnltx]

Hi lillij,

Glad you are here!

I can identify with your feelings of "it's never good enough".  I also have a child with BPD.  She will be 17 tomorrow. 

There was a time  that I referred to her as a "bottomless pit of need and want".  She attempts to fill her life with things/events to soothe her internal pain... .it doesn't work and she is left with wanting more and more.  This was a constant struggle prior to her treatment and still rears it's head on occasion.  When we put limits on her wants and needs that we are willing to try to meet and the word "no" is used we can have major problems.  How we deal with her is important in order to maintain our boundaries and enforce our limits.  We use the skills we have learned and ask her to do the same.

You can learn about these skills just as I did on the Parenting a son or daughter suffering with BPD board. 

Have you had a chance to look at the info that Geeky Girl gave you in the link?  What do you  think is the first place you would want to start?

Looking forward to your reply.

lbjnltx