When things got confused, messed up and when i started to state bounderies -mainly about her silent treatments/passive agressive social media-stuff towards me- Thats when she said i wanted to change her.
This reaction isn't uncommon with pwBPD. They will often respond to a partner setting limits or enforcing boundaries by accusing the partner of being "controlling."
It's very good that you were taking care of yourself in this way.
I was the first to support her in "being yourself", "you are good enough as you are for me" and stuff like that... .you know, to pump up her self-esteem.
I did tried to help her, fix her, save her,
If she was "good enough as she was," then why were you trying to "fix" and "save" her?
Do you see the contradiction? pwBPD see it, even when we don't.
Just as every human is, a pwBPD is the sum of all his/her parts. BPD is a personality disorder. This is their personality. This is who they are. All of it.
There's a tendency to focus on the "good person inside" -- this, after all, is who you're so desperately trying to "save" -- at the exclusion of everything else that makes them who they are. This isn't fair to either party, as it can only lead to expectations that can never be met.
Trying to change a partner is wrong ofcourse, putting bounderies to try to get along with respect for eachother is something else in my opinion.
Trying to change a partner isn't necessarily "wrong." Yes, it's unfair to both of you, and it's an exercise in futility, but it isn't wrong. We're human, it happens.
Having boundaries to protect yourself is vital. But helping, fixing, saving -- these are all ways of controlling. They're intrusive... .sort of the opposite of boundaries, actually.
If you don't address the core issues of wanting to fix and save, then it will be hard for you to establish and enforce healthy boundaries in relationships.
i never came to a point to make my point on values in life!
So can i conclude her roots didnt had the values of life like i have (respect/trust/honesty/loyalty... )?
I would think that's a likely conclusion.
You're doing good work. Take this opportunity to truly learn all about yourself.