Sometimes I ask myself, why bother?

[Chosen]

I bought H a gift (for Father's Day, even though we have no kids yet- our cat is our kid), but because it has to be mailed in (customised item), it arrived 3 days after the date.  When I got it in the mail (at the office), I took a picture of the wrapping and sent it to him, say it's his Father's Day gift.  (Note: for the past 2 days he has been "complaining" about not getting any gift because he gave me something for Mother's Day)

He then asked me something (via text), which I answered.  The answer involves the word "no", which he hates.  Then he texted back ":)on't habitually say no to me."  (to which I just said "ok"

I hate how I persist in trying to make him happy.  I guess I already know that he wouldn't be thankful, and that trying to make him happy won't actually make him happy, but every time this sort of thing happens, I ask myself, why bother trying?  Why bother thinking of a gift that is personal and sweet, when he wouldn't appreciate, and all it takes is a little word which he doesn't like to get him having a go at me? 

Sadder still, I know the next time I'm still going to do that.  I'm still going to try and make him happy, not because I want to "earn" his love or his appreciation, but because I love him.  Sometimes I think it's stupidity.

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[waverider]

I think it is important to learn how to gift someone and it is the act of giving that makes you feel good, independent of any praise received or otherwise.

I know this is an easy idealistic thing to say, and yet hard to do. We all still keep that small need for validation for our actions no matter how hard we try to not let it bother us.

Sometimes a big cheesy kiss on the cheek for no reason is the simplest and most effective gift. Things costing time effort and money are always at the biggest risk of disappointment.

At the end of the day if you stopped giving YOU would be a lesser person

[Chosen]

Hi waverider,

At the end of the day if you stopped giving YOU would be a lesser person

Yes and this is what kept me going.  I give out of love, I wasn't expecting anything in return.  I wouldn't get him anything that would break my bank account, because knowing him, even if he had previously like something, once I got it he would find possible faults with it... .

But I suppose my expectations were still too high.  I was expecting 0, but didn't expect it to be negative.  I know it's not directly related, me getting him something and my "attitude" being complained about, for even if I didn't get him anything he would still say the same to me.  Yet somehow I suppose for a "normal" relationship, if you've given somebody something, you wouldn't be punished for it... .

What's funny is that I have been so conditioned to self doubt and to find excuses for him that I started asking myself, maybe it's because he didn't know it was a gift for him.  After all, it was “just” a picture of a gift box with a message... . I didn’t say there is a gift inside for him to open when he gets home.  And it was 2 days late.  But then again, deep down I know that this doesn’t warrant how critical he is of me.  He is just that type of person.

[Not normal]

This sounds like my hb s behavior... . i dont get presents for him nowadays... .