Two weeks and counting the days to DD's release from jail

[qcarolr]

Many of you know the story of DD28's struggles the past couple of years that put her in jail for these 9 months. Lots and lots of misdemeanors. So many  violations of probation the court said "Enough" and terminated probation and gave her a straight sentence to finish out the multiple convictions.

Overall DD has done well in this jail time. She has tried at the various programs and not been able to stick with them. The times she was admitted to a program that led to inpatient treatment she melted down from 'disrespect', sometimes real sometimes perceived. She ended up back in jail before the next probation attempt.

She has been self-reflective and appreciative of our family help, especially my advocacy for her needs not met by jail staff. She was accepting her part in being in jail - not blaming me. It has been a really tough process for her and I am proud of her perseverance.

As her release approaches she is shifting into panic mode. Her phone calls are more frantic and filled with old patterns of blaming and avoiding. There is strong sense of her fears of abandonment. This is exacerbated by lack of housing.

Her primary option for at lest the first few weeks is the homeless shelter. The first 30-90 days she can be in the overnight shelter program with a "First Step" guaranteed bed - if she arrives at 5 pm every night. She has to stay until 7am to be successful and be there every night, clean and sober. She is restricted to contact with only the other women there; strictly enforced. Then she is outside during the day. If she passes this 'test' period then she can qualify for a transitional housing program, maximum of 9 months.  She has lived in this environment at the shelter many times and does not feel safe there. This is my understanding of this program.

She wants to be with her daughter, gd9. She knows success in recovery and participating in mental health treatment are requirements for this process. She struggles to accept that this is a process and avoids/denies the connection between treatment and being unsupervised with gd. Gd's T suggests that DD may never be able to accept that she is unable to be a true mom. DD is unable to put gd's needs first. I feel like DD suffers humiliation with the others in her life that invite her to bring gd with her to their place. Somehow I never got this until after DD's calls tonight. The feelings of humiliation when she cannot bring gd with her places. Gd does not want to go, and has experienced/perceived anxiety in the past during unsupervised visits with DD.

I need to listen to DD and understand what she needs/wants and be clear about where I can participate, without DD feeling that I am judging her, putting her down, being controlling. She also feels overwhelmed that I bring up all this stuff when she calls. How do I listen if she doesn't talk? She wants to talk about 'normal' stuff. Feels like any subject I have to talk about connects to expectations for her desires. How gd is doing, what she is doing. How the dogs are doing. What dh and I are doing. She feels excluded from all these family activities. What do I talk about with her for 15 minutes at a time.

I have looked for a housing option that dh and I can help with. The cost of apartments has skyrocketed in past year - $300 - $500 more a month. Even the junky places are charging more. Some of the reasonable cost, less attractive places raised their rents just because they could. There is less and less affordable housing. Then the management does the background check and denies DD's application. This limits us to a private party renting a condo or apartment. They want to meet DD before negotiating a lease -- DD cannot do this before her release. She has to find a temporary situation first. We have both contacted all the housing assistance agencies in our area and there is no housing available. Even if there was, she no longer qualifies for many of them without going through a recovery program like the one at the Homeless shelter "First Step - Transition" program. She has to overcome her history through treatment to get a lease.

DD said tonight that it will be hard to find a job with her legal background, even without any felonies on her record. She has domestic violence on the harassment charges, she has a shoplifting charge - taking some clothing from non-profit thrift store while homeless evading the warrant for probation violation in Feb 2013, she has no rental history in past 5 years living homeless, she has no job history ever due to combination of many challenges in her life,... .It is easy to understand why it feels overwhelming and hopeless.

Then add to that our boundary that she cannot live in our home. She has refused violently in the past to not bring her friends into our home and neighborhood. This has caused extreme isolation from neighbors and limits on gd playing with her friends. This increased the traumas gd is dealing with on top of her ADHD, PTSD, and anxiety issues. Gd is starting to have panic attacks -- thinking she will die from a heart attack. Often brought on by worries of catching school bus in morning even though she admits that she is the one responsible for not getting up and ready in the morning. She hits herself hard enough to leave bruises. I don't feel the T takes these attacks on herself serious enough. The meds for this work but have unacceptable side effects and have to be stopped.

She talks a lot about death. It is unsettling for her to ask me daily if I am going to die. Maybe some of this has to do with dh and I talking about aging concerns we have as a natural part of moving into our sixties (dh is 64 this year, I just turned 59). I am also undergoing some medical testing to figure out some new concerns I have. Maybe I am looking for a 'magic bullet' and it is stress triggered physical responses. Yes, I accept that stress conrtibutes. I do not accept that stress is a sole cause of the extreme fatigue and falling asleep during daytime activities, loss of balance, increased tinnitus... . I cannot hide these things from gd when she is helping me when I lose my balance, helping me up when I kneel down to help her with something, falling asleep in my chair, forgetting so many things in the daily routines - even direct requests and reminders. Am I physically spacing out or experiencing high level of dissociation? Therapist is not sure, doctors are not sure, pharmacist is not sure if meds. related... .Is it strange to want them to find some anomaly in the tests that have been normal so far? I also have a fear of death coming too soon and hope these medical tests can remedy this fear.

Yet, even with all this distressing stuff I feel a sense of peace and calm often in the day. My meditative practices seem to be working better. Contact with someone in my support network every week is so valuable. Getting guidance from some of my reading - especially about the balance of spirit and humanness. More often these days I am able to remain calm and truly without anger or resentments in relating with gd and dh and even DD. I appreciate how dh keeps me grounded - feet on the ground when I want to just drift away. It is a process - there is the roller coaster ride. It is more of a kiddie ride for now with more gentle hills and valleys. The tools and skills learned here do work when I can be in this calmer place -- if I can stay awake!

I will keep you posted as DD's release comes. I come here to read posts and reply to a few weekly. You all are part of my support network too  

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[swampped]

Many of you know the story of DD28's struggles the past couple of years that put her in jail for these 9 months. Lots and lots of misdemeanors. So many  violations of probation the court said "Enough" and terminated probation and gave her a straight sentence to finish out the multiple convictions.

Overall DD has done well in this jail time. She has tried at the various programs and not been able to stick with them. The times she was admitted to a program that led to inpatient treatment she melted down from 'disrespect', sometimes real sometimes perceived. She ended up back in jail before the next probation attempt.

She has been self-reflective and appreciative of our family help, especially my advocacy for her needs not met by jail staff. She was accepting her part in being in jail - not blaming me. It has been a really tough process for her and I am proud of her perseverance.

Real progress!

As her release approaches she is shifting into panic mode. Her phone calls are more frantic and filled with old patterns of blaming and avoiding. There is strong sense of her fears of abandonment. This is exacerbated by lack of housing.

I wonder if that could be contributing to your own increase in symptoms?  November is such a hard time for stress, with low light and winter approaching!

Her primary option for at lest the first few weeks is the homeless shelter. The first 30-90 days she can be in the overnight shelter program with a "First Step" guaranteed bed - if she arrives at 5 pm every night. She has to stay until 7am to be successful and be there every night, clean and sober. She is restricted to contact with only the other women there; strictly enforced. Then she is outside during the day. If she passes this 'test' period then she can qualify for a transitional housing program, maximum of 9 months.  She has lived in this environment at the shelter many times and does not feel safe there. This is my understanding of this program.

But you know you have to let this part go and let God.  Our DS was in a shelter for several months, and I worried constantly about him, but somehow they are survivors, aren't they!

She wants to be with her daughter, gd9. She knows success in recovery and participating in mental health treatment are requirements for this process. She struggles to accept that this is a process and avoids/denies the connection between treatment and being unsupervised with gd. Gd's T suggests that DD may never be able to accept that she is unable to be a true mom. DD is unable to put gd's needs first. I feel like DD suffers humiliation with the others in her life that invite her to bring gd with her to their place. Somehow I never got this until after DD's calls tonight. The feelings of humiliation when she cannot bring gd with her places. Gd does not want to go, and has experienced/perceived anxiety in the past during unsupervised visits with DD.

And you know what your priority is here

I need to listen to DD and understand what she needs/wants and be clear about where I can participate, without DD feeling that I am judging her, putting her down, being controlling. She also feels overwhelmed that I bring up all this stuff when she calls. How do I listen if she doesn't talk? She wants to talk about 'normal' stuff. Feels like any subject I have to talk about connects to expectations for her desires. How gd is doing, what she is doing. How the dogs are doing. What dh and I are doing. She feels excluded from all these family activities. What do I talk about with her for 15 minutes at a time.

Oh, qcr, how much pain is in this paragraph!

I have looked for a housing option that dh and I can help with. The cost of apartments has skyrocketed in past year - $300 - $500 more a month. Even the junky places are charging more. Some of the reasonable cost, less attractive places raised their rents just because they could. There is less and less affordable housing. Then the management does the background check and denies DD's application. This limits us to a private party renting a condo or apartment. They want to meet DD before negotiating a lease -- DD cannot do this before her release. She has to find a temporary situation first. We have both contacted all the housing assistance agencies in our area and there is no housing available. Even if there was, she no longer qualifies for many of them without going through a recovery program like the one at the Homeless shelter "First Step - Transition" program. She has to overcome her history through treatment to get a lease.

DD said tonight that it will be hard to find a job with her legal background, even without any felonies on her record. She has domestic violence on the harassment charges, she has a shoplifting charge - taking some clothing from non-profit thrift store while homeless evading the warrant for probation violation in Feb 2013, she has no rental history in past 5 years living homeless, she has no job history ever due to combination of many challenges in her life,... .It is easy to understand why it feels overwhelming and hopeless.

Then add to that our boundary that she cannot live in our home. She has refused violently in the past to not bring her friends into our home and neighborhood. This has caused extreme isolation from neighbors and limits on gd playing with her friends. This increased the traumas gd is dealing with on top of her ADHD, PTSD, and anxiety issues. Gd is starting to have panic attacks -- thinking she will die from a heart attack. Often brought on by worries of catching school bus in morning even though she admits that she is the one responsible for not getting up and ready in the morning. She hits herself hard enough to leave bruises. I don't feel the T takes these attacks on herself serious enough. The meds for this work but have unacceptable side effects and have to be stopped.

Your plate is very full with gd right now, and you have determined that she is the priority.  Easy to say, I know, but I believe you are right here.

She talks a lot about death. It is unsettling for her to ask me daily if I am going to die. Maybe some of this has to do with dh and I talking about aging concerns we have as a natural part of moving into our sixties (dh is 64 this year, I just turned 59). I am also undergoing some medical testing to figure out some new concerns I have. Maybe I am looking for a 'magic bullet' and it is stress triggered physical responses. Yes, I accept that stress conrtibutes. I do not accept that stress is a sole cause of the extreme fatigue and falling asleep during daytime activities, loss of balance, increased tinnitus... . I cannot hide these things from gd when she is helping me when I lose my balance, helping me up when I kneel down to help her with something, falling asleep in my chair, forgetting so many things in the daily routines - even direct requests and reminders. Am I physically spacing out or experiencing high level of dissociation? Therapist is not sure, doctors are not sure, pharmacist is not sure if meds. related... .Is it strange to want them to find some anomaly in the tests that have been normal so far? I also have a fear of death coming too soon and hope these medical tests can remedy this fear.

My bet would be stress, although a tweaking of meds might be in order, especially at this tough time of year

Yet, even with all this distressing stuff I feel a sense of peace and calm often in the day. My meditative practices seem to be working better. Contact with someone in my support network every week is so valuable. Getting guidance from some of my reading - especially about the balance of spirit and humanness. More often these days I am able to remain calm and truly without anger or resentments in relating with gd and dh and even DD. I appreciate how dh keeps me grounded - feet on the ground when I want to just drift away. It is a process - there is the roller coaster ride. It is more of a kiddie ride for now with more gentle hills and valleys. The tools and skills learned here do work when I can be in this calmer place -- if I can stay awake!

Sleep ain't such a bad thing, after all!  And you are so incredibly strong, and such an inspiration to me in my own journey with this terrible BPD thing.  Thanks for all you do, and for sharing it with us.  You will never know how much you have helped me, and so many others!

I will keep you posted as DD's release comes. I come here to read posts and reply to a few weekly. You all are part of my support network too  

[Thursday]

Hi there Qcarolr-

There is so much in your thread and I feel like there is "no way" I can respond to all of it and still be cohesive and understandable. The "gestalt" of your daughter's life seems very tangled with the vines of her personality disorder, the criminal justice system, your parenting, her addictions, her proclivity to overlook her responsibilities and roles in her situation.

Where to begin? What to comment on.

I guess I want first to comment on THIS... .

Her primary option for at lest the first few weeks is the homeless shelter. The first 30-90 days she can be in the overnight shelter program with a "First Step" guaranteed bed - if she arrives at 5 pm every night. She has to stay until 7am to be successful and be there every night, clean and sober. She is restricted to contact with only the other women there; strictly enforced. Then she is outside during the day. If she passes this 'test' period then she can qualify for a transitional housing program, maximum of 9 months.

I can hear the trepidation in your recitation of the rules and parameters of this program. The guaranteed bed isn't feeling all that  guaranteed. Rules, rules and more rules. Ach! And contact only with other women- double ach. Ach! Ach!

She won't do this. You are searching for another way. There isn't money, no possibility due to people not wanting to rent to her. And she can't live with you.

And to top it off, your DD doesn't like the shelter, it is dangerous.

So many times we, as parents (and step-parents) to adult kids with issues, we are in between a rock and a hard place. Do you feel a bit like that guy that got stuck in the canyon and had to cut off his own arm with a pocket knife to free himself? That guy even had to break his stuck arm before he could cut it in half! Terrible options at every turn. There was only one option that lead to freedom though.

Seems like your daughter has the one option here- to comply, to succeed. I can't help but feel like, if she could do this, they still throw her to the wolves at the one year point. Would a year be enough? It sort of has to be, I suppose.

My DH, when he gets together with his DD, BPD23, he nags. He can't relax and find anything to talk about except what there is to correct. She complains about her health and then eats total crap. She worries out loud about this expense or that expense at the same time she is overspending on her meal. And not looking for a second job (her part time job pays well but she is too often at loose ends with nothing to do because she works only 3 days a week.)

I find it easier to go in with a plan- I have notes on things to discuss. It is so much fluff- stuff I would never talk about with anyone else. TV commercials, trends I don't get ( I ask her to explain since she is more tied into the trending world).

We don't have a formal agreement but she has come to trust that I am not there to pick at her (her perception of what her Dad has to say) but I do "want" five minutes of the time we have for self-reflection. Even if she doesn't have an answer or even just words, I want time to express something deeper. I try to include some admiration for her in this five minutes. I've told her it is just ":)EEP THURSDAY TIME", love me, love this fault of mine that I can't stay in the shallow end of the pool forever. Thursday has to dive. It is the problem I have that she has agreed to sit with briefly like I sit with her problems. Give and take but in tiny bites. Will she ever be deep? Nope. But I do require she dip her toe in while I go there and make it as quick and painless as possible. I have high hopes for this turning into a real exchange... .but no expectations.

As for your figuring out, in your last convo with DD, that she has humiliation about not being GD's real Mom... .first, well it seems like you got something real from this conversation. Wow to that! If her pals ask her why no GD in tow and she feels some humiliation that is also a step in the right direction, even if it hurts, a tiny grain of self-reflection on the answer might occur. Maybe someday she can take responsibility for this. Maybe someday she can stop blaming you.

YOU KNOW WHY even if your DD still doesn't seem to. You know you have to protect your GD and help her not have even more struggles.

As her release approaches she is shifting into panic mode. Her phone calls are more frantic and filled with old patterns of blaming and avoiding. There is strong sense of her fears of abandonment. This is exacerbated by lack of housing.

the lack of housing piece has an imperfect solution which requires her compliance. The compliance is hers to give, not yours to enforce or demand or expect. I would frame it as an "if".

"If you can comply, we have a temporary if imperfect solution."

":)o you think you could try to tolerate these rules and see what might happen in the 9 months they would provide housing? I think great things could happen, a job, stable friends, your own place " or whatever you think she could hear.

Your mind seems clear as you tell us your fears and struggles. Never forget that you are in a difficult situation and doing your best. Keep telling us your story.

Thursday

[qcarolr]

I had a phone consult with gd's T today about my concerns and needs related to the contact between DD and gd. We (dh and I) are going to invite DD to visit our home, though not EVER stay overnight. Even if she has to be on the street during the day. (really hard for me).

T reminded me of how we have handled a few visits during the spring and summer. How we have made space for gd to be around and able to approach DD in her time and own way. Making advance arrangements with a neighbor that gd can go there anytime while DD is here. Also only allowing visit when gd is home if dh is also home. We have invited DD to got to family Thanksgiving. We  will drive 2 cars - one with DD and the other with gd. This has worked in the past.

T said this seems to be softening gd's fears from past raging from her mom when she was living with us and losing control a lot. I know now, accept, that she was driven by meth addiction plus our boundary to not have her friends at our house and comply with her probation.

This way of protecting gd and having DD in our home to visit is a good process to desensitize her at her pace. I have done it in the past, when I can be in a mindful state have access to all my parenting skills, so I can do this again. I am also doing this with gd around some other areas of distress and anxiety. Fears of missing the school bus (important to her emotional state arriving at school - routine) is creating a pattern of panic attack symptoms. GD has classic symtoms and thinks she will die of a heart attack with it pounding in her chest. Gd also hits her thighs in her anxiety that leave bruises. A new fear of future cutting behavior and how to handle this. Close watch on this.

The housing issues for DD is so unsettling that I struggle to maintain my mindfulness practice. This impacts my abilities to be a stable influence for gd. Well, for DD as well. I tell her we will help her find housing, and then that there is none that will accept her before she is released. Such a vicious circle. I know in my heart that she is best served and supported in her goals for addiction recovery and greater self-sufficiency entering the homeless shelter program from jail. Even if this is a hard choice for her to make. I have to step out of her way and let her make her own choices, and work with her T to get the support in place. It is up to DD to accept this support. Dh and I figure it is a 50/50 chance that she can do this.

DD has not called since the weekend. She was calling every day. Now she is calling when she needs money or food on her commissary account. A sign of her distress?

Enough for now. Writing this has helped sort some things out in my mind and given me more confedence. Thanks for listening and validating that I am a worthwhile person and have the skills to be the best mom I can be.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

This way of protecting gd and having DD in our home to visit is a good process to desensitize her at her pace. I have done it in the past, when I can be in a mindful state have access to all my parenting skills, so I can do this again.

You've got this qcr!

The housing issues for DD is so unsettling that I struggle to maintain my mindfulness practice.

... .I know in my heart that she is best served and supported in her goals for addiction recovery and greater self-sufficiency entering the homeless shelter program from jail. Even if this is a hard choice for her to make. I have to step out of her way and let her make her own choices, and work with her T to get the support in place. It is up to DD to accept this support. Dh and I figure it is a 50/50 chance that she can do this.

This must be so very difficult to let go and wait and see what's going to happen, whether your dd has the motivation and perseverance to do this. This is your dd's opportunity at housing, yet, she will need to work hard for this. You can be her emotional support in this, the outcome is hers... .

[qcarolr]

I spoke with the director of the shelter transitional housing program again today. I misunderstood - I believed that once in the program she would have a 'semi-private' room at the shelter and be able to stay during the day. Doing groups, working with various program counselors about housing etc. He said everyone has to leave the shelter during the day. It just doesn't make sense to me -- this is not true housing. The only difference is that they can sleep at the shelter year round. The regular overnight shelter is only open Oct 15th to Apr 1st.

This sounds like another set up for failure. DD has been trying to tell me this. Now I have verification that what she has said is true. She does not feel safe at the shelter, for herself or her belongings. She really wants to move in a different direction. This is why she worked to get connected at the mental health center during the summer furloughs from jail.

Feels like we are at step 1 again. Searching for a month to month rental. Once DD is settled in a new routine she can work with me directly to find a longer term place to live. Maybe by a miracle her SSI will get approved in the next couple months! And she will find a job, at least part-time. And make some new friends on a similar recovery path.

I am trying in my mindfulness practice to be able to hold the tension of this. Dh and I talked, we are tired of the circular dance. We are going to help her find somewhere to live. She will need to go to her appointments, groups, and work with the job specialist program to get a job. My T today shared her concerns that I would too caught up emotionally in DD's life again, and it is a valid concern.

The difference at this point is where I am in my life. I have this awesome group of women giving me support. My T, gd's T, my PT, my massage T, a mentor/sponsor in my own recovery and a few women at my church. My massage T was so kind to tell me that she can see a quiet, serene core in me from the first time she met me (at my chiropractors office). I get really stimulated and aroused when talking about things with passion. Certainly with DD and gd stories - whether joyful or worrisome. She has stopped me in our talk before the massage to say, "QCR, sit back like you were a moment ago. Before you started sharing about DD".  I did, and amazingly was able to regain my composure. The awareness of this pattern became so clear.

I have been practicing this for the past two weeks. Stepping back to settle myself, allowing the stuff I already know to bubble up to the top of my mind, and trusting that I know what to do even if the 'how' is not clear yet. This works wonderfully with gd. I opens up so much comfort with dh. Can I do this with Dd when she is released and likely in an agitated transitional state just short of a panic attack? Can I step back/sit back, keep my cool, and watch her settle too? This has happened on the phone and during the medical furloughs in the summer.

I have to trust that the housing will get figured out in the next week. Dh and I are united in finding something for DD. I have set aside most of my mornings that first week to help with initial appointments - one each day. That is as far as I need to think for now. These things are already in place for her.

The validation of your replies is so valuable in encouraging me in all this. Thanks.

qcr

[mggt]

Dear qcr,  My thoughts are with you something good has to come of this .   

[qcarolr]

Calls the past couple days have been good with DD. Understandably time is going slow for her. I told her we have a hotel reservation and can get a small discount if prepay the week. There also has been several contacts from a short term rental in a house. The owner has to meet DD before he making a decision to rent to her. Then she has to accept being there. It is hard to be thrown in with strangers after this long in jail. She craves privacy and quiet. I think she can get this. She needs a real kitchen. The microwave and tiny fridge in a hotel is just on enough. She experienced this last winter. DD has to do her recovery work for our support with housing. Addiction recovery, mental heal therapy, job program (she has been accepted), and not be get evicted. She also has to accept a roommate situation. We have find the roommate willing to accept DD and have a drug free house. Rents are too high on apartments plus she does not pass the background check with a apartment management company. Even the housing programs for self-sufficient have restrictions. DD applied for a two year dual-dx program. They denied her -- require 2 years meth free. No violent arrests - not convictions, arrests.

There is a lot of talk, commissions, plans to stop homelessness. They state that housing is the first step, and then the counseling for self-sufficiency. Then they restrict access to many that need this the most. Unless you have kids. This may be part of DD's anger about our custody of gd, and my refusal to let her lie about where gd lives. She always asks me to help her with the application forms - at least in the past. Her new T is helping her with this now. I am so relieved by this.

There is a potential risk DD is open to taking with an ex bf. He stayed with us for about 10 months and overall was a kind and respectful house guest. DD tried to disconnect from him for about 3 months. She followed him one night until he flippednout and attacked her. He is on parole now after failing probation and spending 18 months in prison. There is still a no contact order with DD. He had some issues in our house, especially being bossy with gd. He was also able to help DD be much more organized.

He is in an automotive tech program and working. Meth has been a problem for both of them. Can they support each other in staying clean? I have been clear with both of them that no friends are allowed in our neighbor. They both know I will enforce this with police. In every other way I plan to stay out of their relationship. All I ask is if he ends up staying with DD he pay his share of housing costs. The temporary guest house allows couples for a small extra fee. Maybe this will attract DD while she looks for something more long term.

Gd and I had a great day together. She was home for veterans day and it was less than 20 most of the day with light snow. There were no friends home. She played outside a bit with the dogs. We did my exercises together and joked around a lot. She beat me at monopoly - she is merciless at games. And we spent some snuggle time. The sad part was her favorite hermit crag died today. He fell off the kitchen counter on Sunday and declined slowly. We hugged and rocked while she cried. Then she was on to training her 2nd favorite to play with her. She amazes me with her critters. She tames them. This hermit crab responded when I talked to him - turned and looked at me with antennae waving. She teaches so much in our relationship.

This is one way I take care of myself. To put my technology away and focus fully on gd. She is so smart, fun and creative. She is also very loving and calls me on getting distracted with my phone, tablet or computer. During this transistion time with DD, I have to keep my focus on the self care  in place. Keep my sense of peace, letting go of all that is beyond my control, discerning what I can control. Using mindfulness and living in the moment. There is no predicting the future. I am hopeful that I can journal here next week in a peaceful, mindful spirit.

Thank all who read this for sharing in my story and encouraging me.

qcr

[Rapt Reader]

Thanks for the update, qcarolr... .

I've been wondering about your daughter and how things have been going.

I'm really glad that your granddaughter seems to be doing well (sorry about her hermit crab  ), and you are dealing with things with as much peace of mind as possible. Continue the self-care, and finding things that make you happy, and continue to use your support system. You do what you gotta do, you know? 

I hope things somehow work out well for your daughter once she is released... .

Godspeed