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[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi

I'm a sole parent of 2 daughters aged 16 and 21. My 16 yr old is presenting as BPD. She has self harmed and made an OD attempt. She sees a psych and psychologist who has started to do DBT with her. Im joining this site for support. Look forward to chatting to you.

[JustAMum]

Hi

I'm a sole parent of 2 daughters aged 16 and 21. My 16 yr old is presenting as BPD. She has self harmed and made an OD attempt. She sees a psych and psychologist who has started to do DBT with her. Im joining this site for support. Look forward to chatting to you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi JustaMom 

Welcome to the Parents Board.  I'm so glad that you joined us here for support.

Having an adolescent with BPD is tough row to hoe... .my daughter was dx with emerging BPD at age 12.  She is now 18 so we have been through many years of struggling to reach a level of healthy coping/living.

Is your daughter stable now?  Suicidal gestures are the toughest thing to deal with... .the fear can be overwhelming.

How are you doing? 

lbj

[JustAMum]

Thankyou for welcoming me.

My daughter was first diagnosed with an eating disorder at 14. So I've been dealing with her mental health issues for just over 2yrs. Last year I had a breakdown and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks. I've recently been diagnosed with bipolar 1. I'm doing ok now but it's been tough. My daughter tried to OD not long after I got out of hospital. It sent me into a tailspin and I was lucky I didn't end up back in hospital. The fear of her dying and trying again was overwhelming. It's been 6 months now and I'm just getting over what she did.

[lbjnltx]

Hi again JustAMum,

It's good to hear that you are recovering from such a traumatic ordeal.  Is your d showing any signs of improving since beginning therapy?  DBT very strongly addresses suicidal ideation and self injury and is the most effective treatment for those 2 aspects of BPD.

Have you read up much on the disorder?  We have a lot of information here to help with understanding and communication skills that can help both of you and your relationship. 

What's your relationship with her like now? 

I look forward to your reply.

lbj

[JustAMum]

We have a really good relationship. She sees her therapist every 2 weeks for the DBT so the progress is slow. I'm lucky that at this stage she's not aggressive. She seems able to maintain relationships. She has self harmed 2x very badly where she has required stitches on her arms and upper thighs. She is heavily scarred. She use to "see" older boys/men as a form of high risk behaviour. Her main issues seem to stem from intense self loathing. She is in a stable relationship with a 16yr old boy. She gets on well with her older sister. Is BPD on a spectrum... . like mild, moderate and severe? She's on 40mg of Prozac daily. I don't know how much this helps her as she has said that she feels empty. I'm terrified that she will try to take her life again. I've locked away all meds. I don't know what else to do.

[lbjnltx]

Yes, JustAMum... . BPD can be seen as a spectrum disorder.  The disorder has core diagnosable criteria and manifests differently in each individual... . making it difficult to diagnose.  Invisible or High Functioning and acting out Low Functioning are sometimes mentioned here on the site as well as in some of the books about people with BPD.

Feeling empty is one of the symptoms of BPD which can fall under the criteria of having a lack of sense of self... . sometimes described by a person with BPD as boredom.  This may also be connected to self injury as some people with BPD will self injury just to "feel" something.  It has also been written that they self injury in the face of overwhelming feelings because the release of endorphins can soothe their emotional pain. 

The overwhelming fear of suicidal gestures or attempts can be paralyzing JustAMom.  In the face of fear the best way forward may be to have a plan in place to address such a crisis.  Do you have a safety plan to implement should your daughter go into crisis again?  Here is some information that can help you develop a safety plan for your family:

Crisis Safety Plan: When a Family Member has Borderline Personality Disorder

If you have any questions about the safety plan please post them so we can assist you. 

You aren't alone in this JustAMum... . we are here to help you. 

lbjnltx

[JustAMum]

We have had a safety plan in place for a while but she didn't stick to it when she ended up in hospital. I have told her that suicide attempts and self harm is not acceptable behaviour. After her OD attempt I pulled her out of school as I told her she was too sick to go. She went to stay with her Dad for 10weeks. She came back every 3 to see me. Prior to her OD attempt she'd stopped taking her meds. Then randomly started to take 40mg of Prozac again with no build up. She has been good at taking her meds since. I have tried to find a BPD support group for parents but haven't been able to find one. I'm so glad I found this site as Im hoping it will connect me with other parents who have had similar experiences to me. My daughter's self harm seems to be extreme. She has twice needed stitches. It's like she slashes herself in a frenzy all over her arms and upper thighs. I'm terrified Im going to lose her. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

[lbjnltx]

This does sound terrifying.

Having a safety plan that empowers you is important.  Just knowing that the plan is in place and having a clear understanding of what to do and who is going to do it can take uncertainty out of a crisis situation.  During a crisis is not when we are at our best to make decisions.

One of the key components to the safety plan that is linked to above is that it is not dependent on the suicidal/self injuring person to follow.  It is the plan laid out by you and her care team.  There are steps in the safety plan that can help head off a full blown crisis.

Having a support team for crisis is important and having a support team for ourselves in dealing with our children's disorder is important for us as parents.  I hope you can find a local group soon. 

We will be here to support you as well.


lbj

[JustAMum]

Thank you. I've rung the mental health organisations here but there doesn't seem to be any. I don't have a large support network which is another reason I joined this site.