NC for 2 years

[Our abuse recovery guide]

First I am thankful there is a spot to voice our opinions and feelings, I've come to accept that unless you lived "our" life with BPD parent, you really won't fully get our pain and daily struggles, and that's ok

I've been NC for about 2 years and that means no contact what so ever. I find the last 2 years have been so emotionally healing, I don't regret my choice at all.

My mom use to lash out and say that the most hurtful and hateful things to me, I understand that she is sick, but her words of me have never really left me. I hear her comment of that that "she can't stand when I walk into a room", or that "my whole life was lie and I made up everything", or that "I was never welcomed home", to ring over and over. These are the things I guess we just have to live with. My mom used me as her scapegoat so she could look better, her only daughter, so shy and innocent was used as a pawn. I try to forget about it but the words have never left me. When your mother says those things to you, it changes you, it hurts a part of you that is way way deep. I realize now that that is why I went NC, I thought it was 1 incident, but in reality my inner being was screaming out to get away from this person. For once in my life i chose my happiness over my mothers. I have little to do with any part of my family now, I knew it would probably gone down that way, as my mother always blamed me for everything.

But I am free and I am healing each day!.

thanks for letting me share!...

[Pipper99]

First I am thankful there is a spot to voice our opinions and feelings, I've come to accept that unless you lived "our" life with BPD parent, you really won't fully get our pain and daily struggles, and that's ok

I've been NC for about 2 years and that means no contact what so ever. I find the last 2 years have been so emotionally healing, I don't regret my choice at all.

My mom use to lash out and say that the most hurtful and hateful things to me, I understand that she is sick, but her words of me have never really left me. I hear her comment of that that "she can't stand when I walk into a room", or that "my whole life was lie and I made up everything", or that "I was never welcomed home", to ring over and over. These are the things I guess we just have to live with. My mom used me as her scapegoat so she could look better, her only daughter, so shy and innocent was used as a pawn. I try to forget about it but the words have never left me. When your mother says those things to you, it changes you, it hurts a part of you that is way way deep. I realize now that that is why I went NC, I thought it was 1 incident, but in reality my inner being was screaming out to get away from this person. For once in my life i chose my happiness over my mothers. I have little to do with any part of my family now, I knew it would probably gone down that way, as my mother always blamed me for everything.

But I am free and I am healing each day!.

thanks for letting me share!...

[enough abuse]

healing is such a tough process... . congratulations on your decision, as hard as it can be sometimes NC is the only way to get "your life" back... . thoughts with you

[GeekyGirl]

You're so right Pipper99, that someone who hasn't lived with someone with BPD really can't get what it's like to grow up with a parent with BPD. Your mother did some hurtful things to you, and I can understand the need to be free. 

What has helped you the most over the past few years? What have been the biggest challenges and the biggest successes you've experienced?