Kisses other people on the lips but pulls away from my hugs...

[Omega1]

I know this must be common, and maybe is small compared to other issues...but its a constant contributor to making me feel unloved.
My BPD partner kisses our friends on the lips - totally harmless but makes me a little uneasy.  She hugs her friends so tight like she can't let go.  It's actually lovely - but - she pulls away from my hugs.
She kisses me on the lips but for some reason its the rest of the affection that she pulls away from yet freely gives to others that feels bad.

I want to ignore it but I feel so rejected.  From everything I've read, this makes sense for someone with BPD, who feels this constant push/pull around love and intimacy.
I probably shouldn't complain, because our sex life is great - but I just want and need to feel LOVED...

Do I stop mentioning it?  She attacks or dismisses me - she says she wishes we could just feel safe and secure - and I want that too -
Do I stop trying to hug her so she doesn't feel pressure?  Then I think she won't feel connected and it will get worse.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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Has it always been this way? If so, its a style.

Have things changed? Then it might be resentment.

Let's pin it down with members, and then look at some solutions.

[Omega1]

Has it always been this way? If so, its a style.

Have things changed? Then it might be resentment.

Let's pin it down with members, and then look at some solutions.

Its changed but its been like this quite awhile now.  I'm sure it's resentment - there is so much exhausting conflict every single day.
I'm trying, I'm trying to stay calm, to remember to validate, but the verbal attacks and fights just blindside me every time.  She thinks I mean something else, she gets mad if I ask questions - everything, everything is conflict. 

[Stillhopeful4]

I know this must be common, and maybe is small compared to other issues...but its a constant contributor to making me feel unloved.

Hi Omega!

I have a similar situation, my wife "hates hugs" from her friends or anyone.  She never allows them to hug her and says it makes her feel uncomfortable.  She also rarely hugs me and when she does it's if I hug her and she barely hugs me back.  Sex doesn't exist in our marriage.  It hasn't for many many years, and when it did it involved alcohol.

I'm sorry you are struggling.