Please tell me I'm not alone

[Amal]

Feeling extremely guilty for my feelings the past few days. After 2.5 weeks with 15 year old d at home from school, I'm very tired of BPD... .tired of reading books about it, constantly either validating her or helping family members learn how to deal with her, driving to therapy appointments 2 hours away, I'm sleeping, dreaming, even eating BPD (her eating disorder as well). We tried to keep her busy,  but sometimes the struggle wasn't worth it. Some days I'm ready to take on the challenge and I'm on my game. The past few days i dont even want to see the three letters BPD in a row! I just feel like I'm completely out of gas. I know how to not let her draw me in. I know she is saying these terrible things because she is in pain, but some hits below the belt just send me reeling (her comments not actual hits).

Another thing to feel guilty about. Has anybody else had those days?  I feel like I'm in such a race for time. 2 more years as she continually reminds me and she never has to see another dr, therapist, medicine, treatment facility again. She is counting down the days.  How do you all keep getting up and continue the struggle?

Amal

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Ahhhh... .Vacation from school can be very trying and exhausting, Amal. Especially with a 15-year-old (BPD or not!   ). Does school start up again soon? Or has she already gone back today, and you are in the "stunned stage" in the aftermath?

There have been times that I've felt overwhelmed by BPD information overload, and needed to read a book (a novel, self-help for ME, non-fiction, whatever--just not about BPD!) or go for a walk or go shopping to get all of that out of my mind for awhile to feel more like "me" again... .I don't think you need to feel too guilty over being overwhelmed with BPD and your daughter's problems, Amal. We all feel that way from time to time 

[MammaMia]

Amal

You are not alone.  Anyone who loves a pwBPD eventually (and frequently) hits the wall.  We just cannot deal with the repetitive nature of this disorder.  It is a viscous cycle that recurs over and over until even the strongest of us start to buckle at the knees.

PwBPD never seem to learn from their mistakes and poor judgement.  This is frustrating to those of us who do.  They actually become predictable in their behavior, and the only element lacking certainty is when and where. Just when we start to feel as if they are making progress they self destruct ... .again. 

The impact pwBPD have on our lives can be devastating.  As caregivers, we feel their pain, and it is exhausting.  The frustration can be overwhelming.

Take a break.  A mental health day or several if you can.  In order to rebound, we need time and space to recuperate from the stress they create.  Time to clear our heads.

Believe me, what you feel is normal.  Hang in there.

[busymind79]

Amal, you are most definitely not alone.

My 15 yr old dd is in residential right now, but in the weeks before she left, I couldn't wait. Both for her to learn some new skills and for me to be able to catch my breath. It's been 6 months since this all started for us and I already needed a break. I make myself sick researching everything I can find about BPD and sometimes I just have to turn off the computer and leave the house to stop myself. My anxiety levels are so bad right now and I feel as though I am preparing for her to come home and also dreading it. It makes me feel terribly guilty that she is in residential treatment, and that I am scared for her to come home. Who feels that way about their own child? I hate all of this.

[rationalmind]

Sorry you are going through this.  My daughter is a bit older (almost 18) and we've been struggling for at least 3 years--I can say that what has helped me is doing the research and also having a parent coach who specializes in DBT for parents.  We never got to residential (she only just got this bad now and it's really too late to force her to do anything--she exhibits almost exclusively acting out behaviors rather than suicidal ones).  There are little bits of progress then things catastrophically get worse.  As she approaches 18, I've had to learn to let go a little.  It's normal to feel frustrated, sad, and to actually grieve the loss of what could have been especially as everyone brags about their wonderful kids.  We just have to remember our kids are still wonderful people in their own way, just have a disease that wreaks havoc on the family.  Once I learned to stop trying to "fix" my daughter she certainly didn't get better but I have more peace.

[MammaMia]

Busymind

We ALL hate this disorder.  Thankfully, we have each other.