How young is too young?

[Sparkleher]

How young does this start to display itself?  I was married to a man with BPD, but divorced.  Now my teenage daughter is bringing the roller coaster back into my life! :'(

At first I wanted to blame it on hormones, but her attention getting is so extreme, that it is draining me emotionally.  Then she is fine and acting normal and I am exhausted and wondering it I am the crazy one.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[WoundedBibi]

How young does this start to display itself?  I was married to a man with BPD, but divorced.  Now my teenage daughter is bringing the roller coaster back into my life! :'(

At first I wanted to blame it on hormones, but her attention getting is so extreme, that it is draining me emotionally.  Then she is fine and acting normal and I am exhausted and wondering it I am the crazy one.

Usually experts will not try to diagnose BPD before adulthood because every teenager displays BPD traits. If she is just being a teenager she'll grow out of it. Is she isn't she won't.

If I were you I would read/post on the board for parents with BPD children to see if you can get advice there and if you are concerned go see your GP to see if there is any help she or you or both of you can get.

But remember, ALL teenagers act up and out. Have you never driven your mother up the wall at her age? Can you remember what you were like back then? One ball of surging hormones and feelings and doubts and where do I fit in and who am I and what do I want and am I popular and do I look good enough and should I do that so he likes me?

[Sparkleher]

I was never this extreme. The last two weekends have been completely absorbed in her emotional eruptions. I mean for the entire day!  Then the next day, she is fine and nothing is wrong. By emotional eruptions, I am speaking of suicide attempts and destroying things.  Not merely caring if she looks pretty enough. I am referring  to hiding knives and any other objects from her and watching her without her realizing I am watching her.

Before you ask, yes she is in counseling, and yes I am sharing her behaviors with the counselor.  However, they are getting progressively worse and this past weekend it was all I could do to keep myself from going to the snapping point.

My friend took her for a while to give me a break, then my friend calls and says she can't do it. That my daughter is just too much.  So I go get her.  She comes home and acts perfectly normal.  Is laughing at a show on TV, says she is tired and goes to bed.  Gets up and gets ready for school. 

Thank God we have counseling today.  This reminds me so much of the way my husband used to be.  So much of an emotional sponge, to the extreme, then POOF! crazy was over and we could play normal for a while.  I feel the similarities and my gut tells me this is not just hormones.

[Sparkleher]

The weekend before, we had company and I heard a loud crash from her room.  She said she hit her head on her dresser, but no mark.  She laid on the floor for over an hour saying she couldn't move.  When everyone else left the room, she asked me if her makeup was running, from crying.  I am serious! She insisted she didn't need to go to the hospital, or was afraid to go there, but needed constant attention for the entire evening.

The next morning she got up and apparently forgot that she was ever hurt. Wanting to go rip-sticking with a friend.  I asked her how she felt and she told me to stop over-reacting. 

Again, I stood there trying to find balance in a world that was spinning around me.

[Sparkleher]

I wouldn't be asking the age thing if I thought this could be simply hormones.  I taught middle school for over twenty years and I am very very familiar with hormones surges and the insanity they cause.  I am seriously afraid that my daughter has inherited my ex husband's disorder and I am seeing it.  It scares me half to death and breaks my heart.  I have been trying to blame it on hormones, but this is too extreme.

[lbjnltx]

My d started showing signs of emotional disregulation and distorted thinking/belief systems at age 11.  She was first dx with ODD.  Later, during hospitalization her t's suspicions that she had BPD traits was confirmed through inpatient testing.  She was also dx w/MDD.

We did outpatient CBT for over 2 years, a little intro to DBT which she didn't buy into and ended up doing RTC. 

Is there a possibility that testing is in order for her?

lbj

[Nikki15]

It sounds horrendous for you (but very familiar) and I'm sorry. I think that you need to trust your instincts with this and that a sensible parent knows when behaviour is too weird and can't be explained by being a teenager.

Where I live in the UK, mental health professionals will not diagnose BPD until aged 18 by which time, in our case it was too late for us to have involvement as she was an 'adult'. In fact, no one even suggested it to me to look out for. I certainly know now (as do many parents here I'm sure) that she has struggled with Bpd from a very young age - maybe becoming obvious by 13. I wish that we had a diagnosis and treatment much earlier- with which we could have been much more involved.

It seems that in the US (where I assume you are?) things are much more progressive so you might be able to get a diagnosis if it's the right thing.

xxxxx

[Sparkleher]

I am in the US and my daughter is already diagnosed with PTSD and depressive disorder.  These stem to issues caused my my ex husband who is extreme BPD and is not permitted to see my daughter.  She is afraid of him and has no desire, but hormones triggered memories and night mares.  That is where the irrational behaviors started.  I was blaming her excessive and irrational behavior on those issues, but this past weekend went off the hook.

What triggered my brain to think she may have BPD is how she seemingly suddenly went back to "normal" and acting like I was over-reacting to nothing. 

It was like living in my past all over again.

I am about to pick her up at school and take her to the doc.  I have spent the morning writing notes to remind myself of the behaviors that I need to share. 

I guess my biggest question is: can this be stopped if caught soon enough.  Is there help, or if she is indeed suffering from this horrid issue, is there help or is she destined to ruin lives and be miserable like my ex-husband is?

[Bright Day Mom]

I agree with the post that recommends you trust your gut.  You'd be surprised how often intuition is validated, more times than not. 

You are so smart to recognize some of the signs and the similar behavior to her dad. You are way ahead of where I was my teen d was dx w/BPD. I had ZERO experience w/ mental health but can tell you I was a quick study! Typically drs do hold off on dx and dx depression, anx., mdd w/ BPD traits. However, after multiple hospitalizations, the dr dx our d and we were put on a more accurate path w/treatment plan.   

It is good you have a dr appt today and that she is in counseling. With the right dx, meds and treatment you can both get relief.

[qcarolr]

I hope your doc appt was helpful today. Your D's self-harm behaviors need to be paid attention to. Even when they go underground (ie. acting normal the next day) the issues are still there. What kind of therapy focus does she have right now?

It is often the case for multiple dx's to be real. My DD30 started out with ADHD at age4, bipolar at age 6, then others over the teen years. What is left now, when she is clean of substance use, are depression, panic/anxiety disorder, BPD, and her moderate non-verbal learning disabiity (LD). The treatment plan has to be individualized for each person. She has always resisted any kind of therapy, even as a 3 year old doing OT.

One important thing for me to remember is that most of the meds. tried made things worse for DD. BPD does not respond directly to meds. though they do help with the other dx's. Sometimes this gave my DD the emotional space to become more self-reflective and move toward owning her actions/consequences. I accept my part in the slow progress due to my own issues that went unresolved for a long time (bipolar and PTSD). Self-care plans for myself have been essential to the improvements in my family.

I also believe that BPD is influenced by limited ability to process what feels like trauma even as a very young child. This is about resilience. As I have learned with gd's T, trauma-informed therapy has worked for me, gd and indirectly with DD. DH, now he is REALLY resistant to doing things in a new way. Reminder to me: little by little.

fyi - dh and I are raising our gd10 who has always lived with us. no signs of BPD yet. She does have moderate to severe anxiety.

Looking forward to hearing about the doc appt.

qcr Carol