no one understands but you guys... so frustrating

[Wanda]

No one understands about why my husband does what he does but you guys due to the BPD.


IT is so frustrating . my husband started his job today he trains here two days day shift then he is on own nights that is his job, drive to  pick up a trailer and bring it backno one but him and making good money and benefits.

he is second quessing his self, thinks they will fire him. yesterday he said there was a conference call with a lawyer and his boss at last job, on a sun... . i highly dought it, telling him he can't go to the company due to competition. he wants to quit before they fire him... .

just another excuse to leave the company. he has lots of anxiety, and negative thoughts going on, but he stresses his mom out who isn't doing the best anyway, and he stresses me out, and friends all because he won't man up, he was told some criticism  to better handle the truck, and now he wants to quit. the guy was just doing his job, my husband hears alot of drama and politics, reason for him to leave.

driving me nuts i know get him through these next three months he will be ok, but the thing is any job will be this way.HE knows the guy he brings the trailor to actually use to work with him at other job.and my husband like him.

so hopefully after today he will be better.if not this could be a long three months... . if he makes it.      

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[committed]

Isn't it interesting how these guys who put up such a tough front with us are really just very insecure and confidence lacking. I started noticing that once my BPDbf got laid off his job and had to start looking for another one. I couldn't figure it out at first, but slowly I figured out that his actions were really revealing a deep fear of rejection. It kind of makes you feel sorry for them when you realized that their tough exterior is really all a facade.

Hang in there, Wanda... . I think once he gets a week or two under his belt, he will calm down. But like anything new our BPDs try, it's going to be hell around the house for a while. Find something to occupy yourself for a while. This too shall pass... . until the next go around.

[Wanda]

oh... . i know once he gets one or two weeks in he should be fine, easier as time goes on. he is just so scared and insecure thinks the worse... .

actually once he went to work yesterday, he felt so much better to know he wasn't the only one that felt the way he did about one person, and he would see this person once a year. HE saw old clients and people he knew  he felt so good.

just so damn stressful until then.

My cousin who he knows is actually my dads cousin and is 65 close to retirement then he will take his route and back to what he knows.Maybe even earlier they want him as a route driver.

HE is suppose to start nights thursday but they haven't approved him to drive yet he passed everything i quess paper work, my cousin told him last one it took three weeks and he went and got another job. so we will see.

I am back to work, and busy as before, my son who lives with us and my daughter plan to stay at her house where i will pick my son up, so my husband can deal with what he needs to alone... .

[Steph]

 Are you able to just listen to him, use validation, etc?

[Wanda]

 HI steph... .

 I have been using validation and it has helped some, he just needs to get through the first three months. so far he is doing ok and not so upset like earlier in the week . as time goes on seems to do better. Today is the day he drives to get released to start his night shift of coarse afraid of being fired and i am sure that won't happen,

i told him he will be fine they like him, instead of the three weeks he heard they make someone wait with no pay to get released they have been keeping him working and today this guy comes down from Kansas to release him.Then he will have noone to have to talk to.

Hours aren't bad either 9 pm till 5:30 am. Sometimes when i validate he really gets upset  because of coarse i am wrong he will get fired and i tell him and he hates this person or this  person hates him.  I just bring his self dought up and let him know he will be fine, he can do this  because he knows what he is doing... .   funny because he knows when i do validate he is just to high,  he always makes a remark about it.

i do listen and that helps, but a person can only take so much negitive from another about things. HEll be fine... . as time goes on it is just me waiting for that time to go on   geez    hey so far so good though on the check book combining to one.  i pay all the bills out of one account now so much easier then doing all these transfers i was doing i handle one account now instead of two... .  

[Wanda]

up date my husband had a very good day passed his authorization to drive, and he feels alot better i beleive now the worst is over thank god... . he has to adjust to the nights but i  beleive he can do this.

this job is so much better for him then where he was. and  HE made it through it all.

THanks for listening to me... .    

[Grey Kitty]

  Glad you are making it through, and glad he is going forward.

I was listening... . just didn't have much to say about it.

 GK

[Wanda]

Thanksgrey kitty...

tonight my husband starts his night hours he didn't get much sleep today to prepare for tonight it will take some time to adjust, hopefully he knows this. he says he does but he also has BPD.

but again so far so good i never say i am out of the woods till he has worked for a company three months and or get through these night hours gets his all adjusted.  i am sure he will come home tomorrow and be really tired so he will sleep most day and get his hours starting to adjust. but i have noticed he is so much calmer then usual, i think having a job, and just being calm about it really helps, i worked all day today and he never called me, not to even to  talk...

  Humm? i hope we just go on with life now... but i never say never because you never know with a BPD   but he knows he is doing the right thing... hard to believe sometimes he even has BPD

[Wanda]

well this morning he came home, really tired yesterday he didn't get any sleep then had to work nights driving...    HE went straight to bed

i leave early for work, raining here so not much i can do even outside. of coarse we are back to self dought due to having a hard time staying up last night and trouble seeing at night. so back to faxing and applying for jobs, i dought if he will take any. HE doesn't want to start all over.

one place called him, and he turned them down. like i said we just need to get through three months of this...     i am on here just to vent so thanks for letting me vent... .    

[Chosen]

Hi Wanda,

Hope he will finally settle on this job and stop complaining    But knowing pwBPDs, they probably don't want to stop unless their world is perfect... . but in any case you can always come here and vent to us about it!

[Wanda]

venting is exactly what i plan to do...      

I am so frustrated right now he called yesterday i finally had to put him on a block, because he couldn't sleep, he stayed up again i am like it will take time to adjust, he ended up calling in at first told me they fired him, but turned out he just called in. i stopped after work and got him some sleep aid pills to help him, i plan today to leave and be gone all day till i work, i don't need or want to be around it all. he says he will quit i told him just have a day job to back him up, we have no money. and quiting isn't good with four days at one job and now this what two weeks it won't look good. and with his age and the economy. jobs aren't easy to find.  even in what he wants due to the his picky ness. now he makes alot he might not get a job  due to over qualified.

HE just needs to try to switch his hours around. and i know it isn't easy and i tried to validate that it is to the point that validation doesn't work. well frustration goes on.

[Grey Kitty]

Yarg. Those are some tough truths to hand him. 

Are you able to use S.E.T. to point out the natural consequences of him quitting his job? (or whatever other rash action he's talking about?)

Whups, that was problem solving on my part... . couldn't stop myself. You may resume venting now 

[Wanda]

yes"

i use s.e.t alot pointing out if he just took a job what makes him so sure this next job won't be worse, i point out alot i know  expecially if he just quits   he listens he just needs to sleep. well today i was gone all day, he needed to adjust his hours he slept all night last night so adjusting wasn't easy .

I did get him some sleep aid pills and it seemed to help, because he did get some sleep

. he is back at work tonight in a better mood because he did get some sleep.

THey are working real hard with him even gave him some sick time yesterday when he called in due to being so tired. HE wants me now to stay home in the mornings to help with the dogs, i figure tomorrow i will see how he is. I am thinking hoping ok we got off to a rough start but maybe now he can get himself adjusted. all i know is I'll be glad when it is all over and he is adjusted and we can just go on with life... . my husband is really high functioning, so handing him hard truths he can handle... . But on a good note i still handle the check book and we are still in one account... yey!