They get so angry so easily

[Kevinmac]

Just venting, I know there are a lot of tools that I need to read about here.

It seems so hard to improve or even survive my relationship with my uBPDgf.  She gets so defensive and angry at the smallest hint of what she thinks is criticism.  And she has such a huge storehouse of anger. 

And then there are the frequent times when she is just cold and uncaring.  Like our relationship has vanished.   

Between being angry at me for a cou

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[Kevinmac]

How do you edit a post? 

Anyway, to finish, between her being unfixably angry (and not talking to me) for a couple of days, a few hours of the wonderful version of her, and then the cold person this morning, she almost drove me away. But then when she figured out I was at the end of my rope, she made this HUGE effort to apologize and get control back from the BPD. And she was so damn sad at what she had done.

It is such a hard road sometimes, loving a BPD person.

Kevin

[Grey Kitty]

Easy thing first: If you view your post after you have saved it there is a "Modify" button above it, and that is how you edit things. I'm not sure, but I think there is a limited time window in which you can edit your posts.

Other than that. Yes, you are right, a pwBPD does get so angry in ways that are completely inappropriate.

Your best bet is to just remove yourself from that anger--it won't last forever, and often will dissipate faster with nobody to aim it at. Being consistent with this can pretty much end raging behaviors.

Sadly, the silent treatment may go on way too long and you can't do as much about it. I found reading about it here very helpful to me:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Silent treatment - verbal abuse.

[TriggerMortis]

I feel ya. Can totally relate. It's so hot and cold, I can't believe it's the same person. My wife can make a nice dinner and be so tender, then midway through ONE thing I say irks her to where it spirals downwards and ends with dinner being filled with tears. I am being conditioned to dread mealtimes together, and I wish I could tell her this clearly — but it'd just make her angrier. One thing I have to keep in mind is not delivering criticism (no matter how constructive it may be) "in the moment" when she's raging. There has to be more space so she doesn't tie it and feel hurt.

For me, it feels like this yo-yo of hope approaching and retreating.