Reconnected with exgf in 2016 - Not bad/not good

[nowwhatz]

Still detaching from r/s from hell after all these years... .but can't deny the progress 

Long story short family connections make it tough to totally go NC forever with exgf.  Sucessfully stayed NC for almost a year and and a half. Exgf got through on a text earlier this year. Felt secure enough to reply. Had a few sincere and positive exhanges over couple of weeks and seemed we could actually become friends.

Met in person a few times and had nothing to say to each other really. She had one desperate moment shortly after reconnecting where she called me on a Friday night. I was busy and didn't answer.  Next day I got the "why didn't you answer I had an emergency" treatment.  Anyways, met a few more times for reasons I can't figure out but now it is just happy thanksgiving and merry christmas messages and that is it.

Good news seems to be close to zero sexual attraction between us at this point and looks like forgiveness has set in.  Maybe the former is a mutual survival instinct, if so, I'll take it.  The latter seems real... .no more anger.

Truth is I could never be her friend and she can't be my friend. We might be comfortable together but she never got to really know me (don't think she is capable ordoesn't want to) and I know her too well and don't want to know more.

[rfriesen]

Still detaching from r/s from hell after all these years... .but can't deny the progress 

Wonderful, good for you! It can be a hell of a process, and it sounds like you've come a very long way with it -- and through it.

Good news seems to be close to zero sexual attraction between us at this point and looks like forgiveness has set in.  Maybe the former is a mutual survival instinct, if so, I'll take it.  The latter seems real... .no more anger.

That sounds like a very healthy place to be. Might not undo the pain that you've been through, but seems like a big step in confirming where you are in your detachment.

Truth is I could never be her friend and she can't be my friend. We might be comfortable together but she never got to really know me (don't think she is capable ordoesn't want to) and I know her too well and don't want to know more.

That sounds a lot like acceptance
No doubt it can take a while to fully set in, but maybe this helps you to further let go of some of the difficult emotions still lingering from the attachment you shared?

[Curiously1]

That's great to hear she no longer affects you like she used to. Seeing her again and not feel anything for her is a good sign     I've decided to be friends with my ex too but it really isn't a friendship. We don't talk we are just in good terms. So I totally get what you mean by they don't really care for who you really are and learning about you and what you are doing (unless they want something from you) and... you know so much about them to the point you are just  sick of it and dont care to know more.
Mine is interstate so no idea if I'd find her attractive again in person. I fell for her emotionally only so my guess is that if there was a chance to see her again, there will be 0 attraction to her also.   

[nowwhatz]

Yes I agree I have accepted it.  I know enough about her to write a screenplay for a binge-watchable netflix series that jumps the shark one time too many.

She seems to be a lot more accepting and different than I remembered. True to form most of times she has initiated contact was when she wanted something (the last time a donut). I got the impression she gets it and doesn't want to be that person and is working to not be that person. She has changed a lot but also zones out a lot. I don't have an anwer for her.

Next Feb it will be 7 years since the nightmare began. I feel a sense of loss in many areas, including time that cannot be regained, but I look to the right of this page and truly feel I am getting very close to stage 5.

Thanks so much for your encouragement and understanding.