NEW MEMBER: We broke up a week ago ... now I feel lost

[scarredFromBpdEX]

Hello ladies and gents...
recently just joined and found this awesome forum at reddit.

I've been doing some research after my break up last week with my ex who i think has BPD.
she seriously have all the symptoms and its just so sad, everything was so perfect in the beginning...

we met at work. i took her out hiking on our first date and gave her a promise ring that my grandma gave me from Kuwait.  there was a lot of drama in the first month since her ex also work where we worked at.

her history. she tells me that she has been abuse by her ex and also emotionaly and verbally abuse by her dad as a child.

Now in the beginning, i ignored all the red flags and this was the first 3 months. i would get constantly accuse of looking at ladies at the gym flirting at work, and she also accused me of looking at her sisters ass. Lots of arguments. Lot of sex. i felt like something was wrong with ... .
I took her out on trips to philippines, malaysia, korea, thailand, New york, Las vegas, Canada, California, Oregon. Now i did all this in 1 year, all my friends thought i was crazy to do that. Now i did this to make her happy, since i feel like she's depressed and sad. She would have these anxiety attacks and Crazy Mood swings. We would fight over stupid ___. Then she would cuss me out a bunch of times then she would say sorry. A lot of mind games she plays which i got sick and tired of so i broke up with her a few times, then she would come back crying to me. Then we broke up again in 4th of july over some stupid stuff instead of solving it. after a few days she told me that she was talking to somebody but she wasn't sleeping with them. so we got back together and we worked it out a few months later.
Now beginning of August. my friends wanted to do a week road trip. I even asked her if she's comfortable or ok with it (dont know why i should even ask, she should be supportive ). Now 2nd day of my road trip, she started cussing me out and said she doesn't wanna see my face again and all that. The she calls me and then say sorry, then she gets mad at me again the next day. More mind games... .
Then i get home from my road trip, its our 1 year anniversary . I give her all the souvenirs that i bought for her and everything was all fine until Aug 19. Another big argument again since she took my phone while i was on the bathroom, and read all my message from my friends group chat and thought they were making fun of her. All hell broke loose, cussed me out again and even told me she wanted to kill my brother, Then i call her mom since i did not want to do at this point. i ended up going to my moms place that night and then the next day , more drama instead of solving it. There no talking to an angry BPD. Went to her house gave all her pictures back, and then wanted to argue some more, as i walkt to my car, she said she loves me. Then as i reverse my car, she then again flipped me off and cussed at me again. Aug 20 was the last time i talked to her.

Im 25, i actually tried and put all my effort in this relationship. I was walking on eggshell, had to watch what i say most of the time. She would accuse me maybe 5-9x a month. also brings up past issues or Past before her, cause she would dig through my Facebook and email and IG before we even met and use it for the argument. iam so emotionally drained... .after calling it off. i still feel depressed and i dont know what to do. i feel so lost.

please help...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi scarredFromBPDEX,



Sorry to hear all of the issues that brought you here.

Are you interested in understanding more about BPD and your ex partner? Are you also interested in possibly getting back together?

Be sure to check out the lessons to the right of the board here.  They will give you a lot more insight into what has been going on as well as give you ideas about how you could find better ways to approach her if you do stay in contact.

wishing you peace, pearl.

[scarredFromBpdEX]

Hi scarredFromBPDEX,



Sorry to hear all of the issues that brought you here.

Are you interested in understanding more about BPD and your ex partner? Are you also interested in possibly getting back together?

Be sure to check out the lessons to the right of the board here.  They will give you a lot more insight into what has been going on as well as give you ideas about how you could find better ways to approach her if you do stay in contact.

wishing you peace, pearl.

I'm more interested in understanding more about BPD and my ex partner.
Its been a week + since i talked to her. i ended it in front of her mom . i just couldn't take the accusation , verbal abuse . i feel like i can't even talk or say anything sometimes...

[an0ught]

Hi SFBX,

there is value in learning about BPD but there is as much learning in about yourself. You tried very hard to do your best - and quite possibly lost perspective. Hormones can blind us but also our desire to do right and win approval can do it. It pays to figure it out - these relationships can be damaging   and set us up for becoming repeat offenders with this - in case you two find a way back - or the next partner.

It is good to see you recognizing the abuse and rejecting it. Understanding where your line is, why you stand firmly behind this boundary and what prize you may be willing to pay to stay true to yourself is critical.

Welcome,
a0