What should I expect by revealing her lies through an Restraining Order

[samIam85]

Im just trying to gauge / prep for the kind of reaction I should expect from my exWBPD. Im fairly certain she tried to get me killed by using one of her clients to perform a hit n run . She did so b.c. she blames me for her loss of custody of her daughter and cant understand why it was her fault for making up a lie so she  could  leave her daughter  to go flip a trick . In any case I need to prove to the courts that she was a prostitute and that her pimp/johns present a real danger to myself leading me to request an TRO in the hopes of protecting myself from whatever guy she F's next that has the means to hurt me . In my RO , i pretty much reveal every major thing that  she had been hiding from me the entire time we were together. It will be the first time that she will be confronted with the truth about some of the cruel stuff she has done and wont be able to deny it . My question is , after having been presented with  the truth about how bad she was to me , should I expect her to finally be somewhat remorseful ? Should I expect retaliation of some sort? Does anyone have experience with having presented their exWBPD the truth about how bad they were to them ?

[formflier]

I would guess her reaction will be based on the order...not the contents of it.

"How dare he file a blank against me..."

Vice any kind of thoughtful discussion about the contents.

I would only include directly relevant information, vice trying to prove "all her lies".  What is relevant to this one incident.

Best,

FF

[mart555]

In any case I need to prove to the courts that she was a prostitute and that her pimp/johns present a real danger to myself leading me to request an TRO in the hopes of protecting myself from whatever guy she F's next that has the means to hurt me

You better have solid evidence for that.  Family court and TROs aren't usually preventive, they happen after the fact. 

[samIam85]

I.forgot to mention that she had threatened to send her Johns after me and low and behold a week after she started flipping tricks again I was involved in a hit and run that nearly killed me..I  knew it was coming. That's part of the reason why I'm trying to gauge how she might react

[kells76]

That's part of the reason why I'm trying to gauge how she might react

I would hope for the best and plan for the worst. Basically, I'd assume she will overreact, or, at minimum, not respond in a socially appropriate manner.

You mention a lot of things she's done in the past -- those are the dots I'd connect, and then I'd add more intensity.

If she reacts at that level, then you've prepared for it.

If for some reason, she doesn't react at that level, that's a win for you.

Do as much self-protective legwork ahead of time as you can -- can you be out of town if she's served with anything, can the pets be with a pet sitter, can the kids be at Grandma's, park the car out of sight, talk to the police ahead of time and make sure they have a record of your preemptive chat.

Hope that helps;

kells76

[formflier]

Yep...major ditto from me as well.

Plan plan plan for her to go nuclear...that way whatever happens will likely be not as bad as that, and you will come out ahead.

All that said, much more important for you to make sure you have the facts lined up to prove what you are filing with the courts...than be ready for her.

Said another way...make sure you "win" and get what you are filing for...much more important than managing her reaction...which will be bad..it just will..you know this.

Best,

FF

[samIam85]

I guess what I'm trying to ask is if there is any way I can get her to recognize her own faults and take accountability for them. The reason why is her actions are almost certainly going to lead to the loss of her custody and I fear the retaliation from that b.c. we all know she will blame me no matter what. I do need to prove my side though.The truth is the only thing that I have and it's a truth that will certainly make her look like a S parent .  I hope and pray that she agrees to mediation rather than risk her actions coming to light in front of a family court judge that will publicize to her ex all of the irresponsible things she's doing. However , like you guys say, I need to plan for the worst.  It boggles my mind how oblivious she is to the reality of her own misdeeds and I don't know how I can make the consequences of her misdeeds any more obvious . I feel that I'm helping dig her own grave but am risking falling in it too

[formflier]

There are no magic words and things you can do to help her have insight.  She will either start to get that on her own...or she won't.  Sadly...a lot don't get it.

Much better to focus on what you can affect...and put your energy there.

Best,

FF

[mart555]

I guess what I'm trying to ask is if there is any way I can get her to recognize her own faults and take accountability for them.

Here's a preview:  "Why would she? You are the one that caused it all!  It's because of you!  If you weren't so controlling, abusive, and selfish, it could have been avoided! "

See, that's what is in her head.   It took me a loong time to grasp that.  But that's what this personality disorder is.  It's truly messed up for those around.  Chances are she will have to hit the bottom of the barrel before going up. And that can be deep. It was pretty damn deep for my ex: 11 criminal charges.

[CoherentMoose]

Here's a preview:  "Why would she? You are the one that caused it all!  It's because of you!  If you weren't so controlling, abusive, and selfish, it could have been avoided! "

Yup.  If the truth were ever admitted, the whole personality would shatter.  It always HAS to be someone else's fault.  CoMo

[ForeverDad]

This is why during my separation I realized there was no fixing the marriage.  Her perception was all or nothing, no in between or negotiating.

Good thing.  One of her lawyer's first attempts were to cast me as a controller.  He started with whether I was larger than my spouse.  (Duh, we're both larger than our preschooler, so what?)  He next question was a trick one.  Do I want her back?  I replied, not the way she is.  Good thing I said that or otherwise he might have turned to the magistrate and claim, "See?  He wants to control her again!"

Sure we all wanted our spouse back — fixed of course — nothing wrong with that... except that opens up claims we are controllers, abusers, whatever.  Let the problem person go.  Just like we'd not try to hold onto a snapping turtle, far too much danger.

Remember the story of the scorpion and the frog crossing the stream?  Once across, scorpion stings the frog, saying, "You knew what I was and what I do."