It is a little different with BPD people though.
Because they are collecting information and using it against you. They are spreading their truth and distortions to whomever stands still long enough to listen.
I do believe you need to be very careful.
They are mostly indirect threats but none the less they are threats.
My ex started to suggest I was stalking her, which ended up being because she was guilty of cheating.
Then she would contact me and turn it around to, I was contacting her.
I got a phone call from her father, and he delivered a strange, veiled threat, that I would watched and have a visit from his brother. So, I know she has said some outrageous things about me.
They word it so it is vague and not direct. That made me decide to break all contact.
Yes you need to de-escalate situations.
But you also need to protect yourself. Understand it isn't going to get better.
There is a message in what he is saying, and you should listen to it. Get out as gently as you can.
I downplayed everything I was doing, was doing in the future. I made myself a person in her eyes that nobody would want. Because I believed that if she saw I would have a better life than her, that might trigger her. She believes I am her object, I will always be there, she said that she feels like she "owns" me.
I devalued myself to her. So, she wouldn't come after me.
The more boring I was, without prospects in her eyes the better that is for me.
Because I am scared of what she could do. I have seen how psychotic she can get.