Alcohol induced rage...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Have to bring bring this up since MANY of you have mentioned it.

The co occurrence of substance abuse with BPD/NPD with alcoholism is VERY high. Studies have shown as high as 50% from what I've read. Alcohol has extreme disinhibitiory actions.

They're more likely to rage on you during these times due to the affect on the amygdala in your brain. Additionally, for women at least, there is much less of a particular enzyme in your stomach to help process the alcohol. That is why one drink seems to have the effect of a double for females.

I'm not saying women can't drink or deal with alcohol, but for a female BPD of the witch or queen variety this is a DISASTER waiting to happen.

I've mentioned it before that mine would RAGE when she got drunk. Slurring words, loud voice, and embarrassing actions would change from just stupid to ANGER at that 5th or 6th drink.  I could see it in here eyes that she was becoming the devil.

If I'd misbehaved in any way that night... . Or even a month ago... . She would pin me with a vicious torrent of screaming.  Almost got us thrown off a plane, chased me out of my home, threw things at me, yell in front of friends. She also yelled at her friends and family in such a way.

Once the honeymoon phase is over these often become inevitable. And we find ourselves counting drinks. The worst part was her claiming she didn't remember anything the next day and it seemed like my words of pain almost meant nothing. I still have to wonder if she was lying about her memory.

Fact is this doesn't stop. For many of us who grew up with an alcoholic and or cluster b parent this rage brings us back to when we were kids. I even told her when she did that it was like when my dad would attack me when I was little. I said you can express your anger to me without screaming.

SHE CANNOT.

We try reasoning, running away, isolation, silence/dissasociating, and yelling back. Nothing stops this pattern when alcohol is involved. NOTHING.

I'm sure many of you have examples. I'd love to hear them and your thoughts. The thing I focus on DAILY is that this wasn't going to change. Once you become the punching bag where she can attack you and relive childhood moments saying standard practiced lines out of a play like "HOW DARE YOU?" or "YOU DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL!" You're done. Kaput. It's over.

You will become a shell of a person. You'll be the doormat that keeps trying to fix the unfixable. And it will happen to the next person... . As soon as they're devalued BOOM! 

It wasn't you.  Mine had many excuses for this behavior. "I HAVE A BIG HEART!" And "We just have crossed star signs."  Lord. I made a list once of all the people she'd been ANGRY with over the past 4 years... . 15 people!  And remember booze just gives an excuse for all that inner rage to come out... . And you're gonna be the recipient because you're there! 

Ah that felt good. Thanks guys.

[Johnny Alias]

Have to bring bring this up since MANY of you have mentioned it.

The co occurrence of substance abuse with BPD/NPD with alcoholism is VERY high. Studies have shown as high as 50% from what I've read. Alcohol has extreme disinhibitiory actions.

They're more likely to rage on you during these times due to the affect on the amygdala in your brain. Additionally, for women at least, there is much less of a particular enzyme in your stomach to help process the alcohol. That is why one drink seems to have the effect of a double for females.

I'm not saying women can't drink or deal with alcohol, but for a female BPD of the witch or queen variety this is a DISASTER waiting to happen.

I've mentioned it before that mine would RAGE when she got drunk. Slurring words, loud voice, and embarrassing actions would change from just stupid to ANGER at that 5th or 6th drink.  I could see it in here eyes that she was becoming the devil.

If I'd misbehaved in any way that night... . Or even a month ago... . She would pin me with a vicious torrent of screaming.  Almost got us thrown off a plane, chased me out of my home, threw things at me, yell in front of friends. She also yelled at her friends and family in such a way.

Once the honeymoon phase is over these often become inevitable. And we find ourselves counting drinks. The worst part was her claiming she didn't remember anything the next day and it seemed like my words of pain almost meant nothing. I still have to wonder if she was lying about her memory.

Fact is this doesn't stop. For many of us who grew up with an alcoholic and or cluster b parent this rage brings us back to when we were kids. I even told her when she did that it was like when my dad would attack me when I was little. I said you can express your anger to me without screaming.

SHE CANNOT.

We try reasoning, running away, isolation, silence/dissasociating, and yelling back. Nothing stops this pattern when alcohol is involved. NOTHING.

I'm sure many of you have examples. I'd love to hear them and your thoughts. The thing I focus on DAILY is that this wasn't going to change. Once you become the punching bag where she can attack you and relive childhood moments saying standard practiced lines out of a play like "HOW DARE YOU?" or "YOU DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL!" You're done. Kaput. It's over.

You will become a shell of a person. You'll be the doormat that keeps trying to fix the unfixable. And it will happen to the next person... . As soon as they're devalued BOOM! 

It wasn't you.  Mine had many excuses for this behavior. "I HAVE A BIG HEART!" And "We just have crossed star signs."  Lord. I made a list once of all the people she'd been ANGRY with over the past 4 years... . 15 people!  And remember booze just gives an excuse for all that inner rage to come out... . And you're gonna be the recipient because you're there! 

Ah that felt good. Thanks guys.

[ts919]

I actually prefer my stbxuBPDw to be a little drunk... . she's actually a lot more pleasant for some reason!       

All kidding aside Johnny, I'm sorry to hear all of that.  I too have had some run-ins with her that were alcohol induced... . it's not pretty.  Alcohol or not, I totally understand what you mean with those rehearsed lines!  I get them all of the time!  "HOW DARE YOU", "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE", "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE" (which is funny because it's not HER house... . ); the list goes on and on. 

Feels good to let it all out doesn't it?  Sometimes you just need to vent.

Booze + BPD = not good

BPD = not good   

[lucyhoneychurch]

I got told after Tues night's rage having pizza and TWO beers each - and he will unleash every single time he has minimal amt, because his father was lifelong alcoholic so he won't drink as much... . but wow, the smallest amount brings out mean mean MEAN drunk lying there waiting and he said, as I told him to go ahead and leave (he was not unable to drive, I'd disable his truck first and take the repercussions, totally fine physically visually) and why and he said, "Everyone I know changes when they drink."

Yes, I am really concerned about everyone, yes I am sure you tell yourself that, yes I am sure we have not had this SAME discussion 2 dozen times now when you've turned into a human typhoon of screaming and telling me what "every other woman" has EVER done to you in your 61 yrs, none of whom I know, none of whom I act or sound like or think like.

And you wonder why you are alone at age 61?

Alcohol is the matchstick to his paranoid fury.

And very very little like those two beers can create insane crap like March 2 of last year (pathetic when I still recall the very day) he sat at a local riverside eatery with me and some nice friends and I had driven us over and he had four lagers. I sat there, after the XMas eve trauma only 3 months behind me hardly, and counted and knew that I was going to dock in some really really insanely nasty waters getting him to his front door again.

Well the fury was hidden under, "My back is killing me, you mind trying to massage it or I will be in big trouble tomorrow... . " and I go in and that's fine, he sits in kitchen chair, he is coherent he is chatty he is good... . and then WHAMMO the gay Scout issue comes up. Ruritans sponsor this troop he and his son were in, he is now the Ruritan council rep... .

Do you remind a mean drunk that you have nothing to do with troop much less its leadership or their decisions votes thoughts, that the discussion and his anger need to stop?

Do you even TALK to a mean drunk?

Who has blown off your other accounts of his abuses under the influence with "Well I don't remember that... . [or] nobody else has ever told me I do that [and your huntin' buddies are trying to have a personal relationship/romantic connection with you are they?]... . "

March 2 will be a year ago very soon. It was the previous April before THAT when I knew... . I *knew* like I am sitting here... . nothing was going to go right.

Two years.

I have kept going back for 2 years. I have tried to JADE to no effect whatsoever about how it affects me and why it's not right.

So who is the responsible one? the mean drunk or the sad ignoramus trying to rationalize with mean drunk, whether he's sober or stoned?

  here I am! over here! Sad good-intentioned ignorant programmed little me.

dammit.

I think the alcohol is their naked broken selves slapping us upside our heads and really demanding, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? and they don't mean it like that, we don't know to take it like that.

Until they seek help, we are as sick as they are for being in their personal space.

And that breaks my heart because I love this man. Totally hooked.

I think my rant might be subsiding. 

thank you for bearing with me.

My youngest is getting wisdom teeth out today and her big brother and his wife and 1-yr-old son are in the air heading to his in-law's for baby boy's first birthday celebration in Michigan. Nervous to say the least until all are home safely later today.

thanks... .

[buddy1226]

Mine would rage but that was not necessarily the norm. She would do things like not come home, be evasive, leave, not speak and be a total b!tch. But there were rages and all out fist fights (her doing the fighting) and they were fueled by alcohol. When I got with her she drank literally 12-18 beers a night. Every single night of her life. I'm sure she does again. She curtailed that a bit when we were living together but then it was 8-10 and I think when would sneak some o nthe way home or her trips to the store, Wall-Mart, etc... I always blamed her taking adderall on a lot of her problems. she was a different person without it. That;s where i get confused because in the end she was a b!tch even without it leading me to believe it may have been just me...

[joethemechanic]

My BPDgf was almost normal during her 23 years of sobriety. Really I could deal with her problems.

Now that she is drinking again, she lies, disappears for hours, and is totally unreliable.

I think the worst part is communication shuts down after the first drink. We use to talk and talk for hours. Now as soon as she drinks she just talks a bunch of BS and nonsense. It's a lot of verbiage with no value.

I really hate alcohol for taking my "C" away from me. Even though she is here physically, it's not she is really here. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a stranger and not the girl I knew since we were little kids.

[Ceide]

So I hit the reply button and now I'm sitting here, staring at the screen, wondering where to begin.

This one runs deep.  From the moment the ex starting acting crazy and left shortly afterwards, I knew my own FOO issues were part of how I connected with him.  And that is just soo frustrating, as I thought I'd been working on those and making  progress, so how the he$$ did I end up with a uBPD?  I didn't even know what BPD was til after left the 3rd time.  Ugh.

He drank nightly but not in excess and I don't recall a time when he went off on me after drinking.  Maybe I'm lucky in that regard.  But growing up in a home with a problem drinker (Dad) and a Mom who most likely has some kind of PD, that is definitely part of how I stayed with him for so long, how I talked myself out of the red flags, all of it. 

In some ways, its really good to know I'm not the only one. 

And the "HOW DARE YOU" rants?  Yep - definitely rings a bell, got that one a number of times.  He would turn into such a drama queen at times ! 

[feelingcrazy7832]

Mine was not a big drinker. He was a drug addict. I could tell so many stories I would have to sit here and type for the next 24 hours. Honestly, I blamed the drugs and thought if he would just get clean everything would be so fine between us. My god, what was I thinking?

Imagine a raging lunatic who decides to pump himself full of amphetamines (adderall). That was my ex. He was so lovely to be around.

[NoCRV]

I was just thinking about sharing this the other day, glad there's a thread for it.  My BPDex is an alcoholic.  The times she drank the walls came down and I got a glimpse of what was going through her head while sober.  While we were together I told someone she goes through these phases when she drinks.  At first she is nice and fun, then affectionate, then emotional and crying, then anger (those raging eyes), then breaking up with me for some minor detail.  Funny how that cycle sounds familiar. 

[Trick1004]

Thanks for bringing this up.

I’ll be the first to recognize that I have an alcohol problem, but I tend to be a happy drunk. The ex could drink like a fish as well as do whatever drugs were available. I think our alcoholism is what got us through the first year or so together.

My ex would just become unglued after 5 or 6 drinks. She would run the gamut from raging, kind, mumbling to herself, demanding, psychic, or enlightened. You just never knew what she would turn into.

A couple of the biggest alcohol rages (there were many) that stick out in my mind.

•   We were over at her best friend boyfriend’s house playing drinking Jenga. Everything was fine for a bit, someone pulled a piece that touched some buttons. The ex was trashed and I could see she was starting to get triggered. I told her “hey lets go home”. Well she didn’t want to so I said “well you guys have a good night, I need to work tomorrow so I’ll see you later” and left. Got home the next day and the ex wanted me to come over. She ended up raging at her best friend that night and spent the whole  day laying in bed feeling hitty about what she had done and said to her best friend.

•   A couple years into us living together we were drinking and just talking about all kinds of stuff (still miss this, we had great conversations). I noticed the switch happening and said “hey lets go to bed”. She didn’t want to so I went to bed. After about an hour she came to the bedroom and started laying into me. I just wanted to go to sleep and told her “just come to bed”. That pissed her off even more. We had a mirror hanging on the door so the door wouldn’t fully shut. She managed to slam that door closed and the marks on the top of the door jam are still there from the mirror. Very impressive!

This gets to the heart of the BPD, they can’t help but lash out against the people that care and are closest to them. I was always curious why my ex only had a couple of close friends and was distant from her family. I know now it’s because anytime a serious, intimate r/s happened they can’t handle it and destroy the r/s.

Makes me sad thinking about it and this is how the ex is going to live her life. I did what I could but don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

Trick

[santa]

Alcohol induced BPD rage is literally the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's the closest thing to demon possession that I can imagine. It completely freaks me out. Words can't describe how insane my ex was when she was in an alcohol induced rage.

[ogopogodude]

video tape each and every rage.

oh, ... one more thing, ... . be sure to video tape the temper rage episodes.


And last but not least, ... . be sure to videotape every rage episode.

(did I mention to also video tape all bizarre behaviour including rage episodes... ?)

[buddy1226]

I wish like hell I'd video taped everything. I have fantasy's about it. It's hard to have the whole house on tape though.

[ogopogodude]

my wife (and just as crazy in-laws) KNOW I have documented videos of the horrible rages she had which involved her yelling and screaming like a crazy nut ball that she is... . including her chasing me and my son around with a knife.

Me got evidence.

What do you have?

NOTHiNG, ... because u too scared to video tape because u too scared to get caught.

Well, ... me have blackmail sh!t.  If I have to use it , ... . I most certainly will.   Someday.

If I don't have to, ... I won't.

But I  have the nuclear bomb.

She has sticks and stones.

Which position would you rather be in ?

[ogopogodude]

To buddy1226 and other victims of BPD:  

Please oh, ... please protect yourselves, ...

If a person is proud of their behaviour, ... . they would not mind one bit to be video taped.

But a BPD afflicted person goes nuts if they know that they are being video taped. (because deep down ,... . they just KNOW their behaviour is WRONG)

So, ... try to perform this task covertly.

just do.

[buddy1226]

I've noticed that the thing that really gets my ex is having the light if truth shined in her. Like when she is exposed to those she has been alliance building with. Getting found out really pisses her off. I would kill to have had a hidden camera in our house. I literally have fantasy's about it.

[ogopogodude]

Then if you fantasize about video taping her and the associated odd behaviour (that can be considered outside the "norm" ,... . or if it behaviour that is "scary" to children in an emotional, verbal or even physical manner), ... . then you have NO CHOICE but to video tape.

It is a MUST.

You have to protect your children, ... . your reputation, ... . and your livelihood.

If there is ever a domestic dispute, ... it will be YOU that have evidence instead of ".he said/she said".

Which do you think is better:

   A: Video tape clips or ... . B: you're telling (verbalizing) your side of the story?

[ogopogodude]

At the time, ... . I felt so guilty about video taping.

Now, ... I wish I woulda done it much earlier on... .


Right now, ... . I feel ZERO guilt about documenting things with my iphone, ... etc.

It may sound weird, ... ... but you have to actually "practice"  videotaping.

Do a couple of trial runs.

It is actually best if you use something OTHER than your cell phone.

Instead use an ipad or even an iPod with mega memory.

Do you not think that going out and buying the highest end ipod is worth it to video tape things?

The thing about an ipod is that there is no incoming phone calls if you are in the middle of video taping.