Need help understanding

[Mag75]

I was with my boyfriend for two years. I had NO idea he has BPD. I can’t believe I was so blind. How could’ve I have been so dumb to not recognize what was going on? We’ve recently broken up. overnight I became the scum of the earth. Because I told him I wasn’t happy and couldn’t do this anymore. I feel like I never existed to him. Did he ever really love me? I know without a doubt breaking up with him was what’s best for me. I just have so many unanswered questions about this disorder.

[once removed]

hi Mag75,

it sounds like you have been through the wringer.

what happened? tell us some of your questions. we are listening, and we can help.

[Turkish]

What happened which resulted in you breaking up with him?

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi Mag75,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but I am glad you found us. It is frustrating to look back on our relationships and see that there were definitely some indicators that we missed. I didn't really understand what BPD was until I was separated after a seven year relationship.

Please share whatever you are comfortable with. We're here for you.

Redeemed

[Educated_Guess]

Hi Mag75!  I'm glad you shared how you are feeling.  I also had to deal with not recognizing that my uBPD ex struggled with this disorder until after the relationship ended.  You can really beat yourself up with the "how did I not know?" stuff.  

In my case, I have a degree in Psych and worked in mental health.  I was pretty familiar with BPD so all the more reason that I should have realized what was going on.  Turns out that my uBPD ex was a waif/quiet BPD and was good at hiding the more extreme signs of the disorder.

The rest of it was me overlooking the red flags because I wanted the love to be true.  I wanted to believe that someone could love me the way that she said that she loved me.  I can see now that I created my own reality in the relationship as much as she did.

Be kind to yourself.  Did you overlook the red flags because you wanted to believe you were loved?  That's an understandable thing to do.  We all want to feel loved.