My First Time Posting

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello I have never posted before but I have read a bunch of the posts on the site. I am looking for support.  I have a spouse who is most likely uNPD . We are both men, and believe me there is nothing different between us and straight people with this issue.  I was in a fog until our daughter came along through adoption. I love her more than anything, she’s 4 years old. All of the sudden I had to be responsible for her and myself. It was a big shock. Spouse promised to stay with me for the first month but went back to work after 4 days instead, saying he never made that promise. I was pretty stressed out. I believe that I triggered  a narcissistic rage when one night he did not come home on time and did not call to tell me where he was when our D4 was only around a month old. When he came home I told him that he could no longer behave like when we were single. I told him needed his help with our D1Month. I was pretty stressed and upset as he was constantly criticizing me and did not help. Since then, there has been pretty much zero love for me and lots of criticisms. Mostly about my parenting. I stayed home without pay for six months, and it was rough because she was not a great sleeper. Between that and spouse, no support in general, I nearly lost it myself. But I am good now. I hired a good therapist

Spouse is in military.  He mentioned to me he was taking this course that took place for one year in a town far away from where we live. He suggested I quit my job and move with our daughter to a place where I knew not one single person. I said, no (after years of being agreeable but still earned no respect, I learned to set some boundaries) I would not go there and also that I would like him to reconsider going as well because I did not want to be a single parent.  He still applied for the position, but was passed over.  He is negative about everything and everyone. If a friend does one thing he does not like, that friend is gone forever. Same goes for church and other organizations.  He has tried to isolate me as much as possible, but I have been reversing that.

I became so distressed from his constant displays of anger (kicking doors and things, tantrums), that I told him I had had enough and that I did not consider us to be any more than friends. He threatened to kill himself (he did that again at one point and I told him I was going to phone the police…he stopped saying it). He begged me to stay and try and work it out. So I stayed, but surprise nothing changed. Well, I have changed. I watch my boundaries. I don’t get sucked into the constant attempts to make me angry (wrong appointment times are one of his favorites). Mostly I am not angry,  because I know he is mentally disordered.  Weekends are the worst because he wants it all his way without compromise. If I don’t agree, he will do such things as disappear for hours without letting us know, or blowing up which usually about how awful I am as a parent (although the friends I have think I am a good parent). I know I love my child. My spouse, not sure if that’s how I feel. It’s too much, but I continue to stay because of one thing, fear that he will hurt my daughter (but she probably is his supply at this point). We tried couples counseling. The couples counselor blamed me until the last few sessions because I was busy defending myself (I still was not sure about why Spouse was acting the way he was). He was able to get Spouse to say that he relies on the attention of others for feeling good about himself.  There’s more of course, I could write a book.  Oh yeah, after barely paying attention to D4, now takes her to karate and to swimming. I don’t think he ever says yes to anything she asks. Does this sound familiar to you?

[IntoMeditation]

Hello I have never posted before but I have read a bunch of the posts on the site. I am looking for support.  I have a spouse who is most likely uNPD . We are both men, and believe me there is nothing different between us and straight people with this issue.  I was in a fog until our daughter came along through adoption. I love her more than anything, she’s 4 years old. All of the sudden I had to be responsible for her and myself. It was a big shock. Spouse promised to stay with me for the first month but went back to work after 4 days instead, saying he never made that promise. I was pretty stressed out. I believe that I triggered  a narcissistic rage when one night he did not come home on time and did not call to tell me where he was when our D4 was only around a month old. When he came home I told him that he could no longer behave like when we were single. I told him needed his help with our D1Month. I was pretty stressed and upset as he was constantly criticizing me and did not help. Since then, there has been pretty much zero love for me and lots of criticisms. Mostly about my parenting. I stayed home without pay for six months, and it was rough because she was not a great sleeper. Between that and spouse, no support in general, I nearly lost it myself. But I am good now. I hired a good therapist

Spouse is in military.  He mentioned to me he was taking this course that took place for one year in a town far away from where we live. He suggested I quit my job and move with our daughter to a place where I knew not one single person. I said, no (after years of being agreeable but still earned no respect, I learned to set some boundaries) I would not go there and also that I would like him to reconsider going as well because I did not want to be a single parent.  He still applied for the position, but was passed over.  He is negative about everything and everyone. If a friend does one thing he does not like, that friend is gone forever. Same goes for church and other organizations.  He has tried to isolate me as much as possible, but I have been reversing that.

I became so distressed from his constant displays of anger (kicking doors and things, tantrums), that I told him I had had enough and that I did not consider us to be any more than friends. He threatened to kill himself (he did that again at one point and I told him I was going to phone the police…he stopped saying it). He begged me to stay and try and work it out. So I stayed, but surprise nothing changed. Well, I have changed. I watch my boundaries. I don’t get sucked into the constant attempts to make me angry (wrong appointment times are one of his favorites). Mostly I am not angry,  because I know he is mentally disordered.  Weekends are the worst because he wants it all his way without compromise. If I don’t agree, he will do such things as disappear for hours without letting us know, or blowing up which usually about how awful I am as a parent (although the friends I have think I am a good parent). I know I love my child. My spouse, not sure if that’s how I feel. It’s too much, but I continue to stay because of one thing, fear that he will hurt my daughter (but she probably is his supply at this point). We tried couples counseling. The couples counselor blamed me until the last few sessions because I was busy defending myself (I still was not sure about why Spouse was acting the way he was). He was able to get Spouse to say that he relies on the attention of others for feeling good about himself.  There’s more of course, I could write a book.  Oh yeah, after barely paying attention to D4, now takes her to karate and to swimming. I don’t think he ever says yes to anything she asks. Does this sound familiar to you?

[lbjnltx]

Hello IntoMeditation,

I just wanted to stop in and say welcome!

It sounds like you are finding your bearings in the relationship through setting boundaries and holding to them. 

When you say you are afraid he will hurt your daughter what does this mean?  What are you afraid he will do?  Is she safe now?

lbjnltx