One of my assignments for T was to do a relationship pattern and take a good long look at it.
What I found was very disturbing and very sad.What I found was I was with the same woman with different names.It was very scary to look at all the similarities.
What was real scary is each of the woman in the last 20 years of my life have had severe issues and they abandoned me and discarded me like I never was there.
I have relived this abandonment over and over with these woman.This was so painful to look at in T.
Rhetorical Question (I am asking myself also)
WHAT from my past, drives me to make these choices?
Is it a 'mommy' issue, where she was emotionally and physically unavailable, and I spent my childhood trying to 'earn' her love; only to be tossed aside like yesterdays news? So this pattern is burned into my brain and that is why I chose the 'male' (because he is NO man) I chose?
And it's no wonder; he is a carbon copy of my mother?
SO moving forward HOW do I NOT chose this type of person again?
That's the 1,000,000.00 question.
These are the woman I ended up with in my life.
1- Drunks - I tried to save
2- Drug Users - I tried to save
What *I* have learned from trying to "save" an addict is this: You can't.
Never again will I spend my precious life and energy on trying to 'save' an addict.
I am more than happy to provide them the tools to break their addictions, but ultimately, I am NOT responsible for their recovery or relapse.
For me personally, when I was in "Savior Mode" I was a control freak-egomaniac. I thought *I* could save them.
*I* am no one's Holy Spirit. *I* am no one's "Savior".
I have enough on my own plate.
3 - Sexually Abused Woman- I tried to care for and show different
4- Promiscuous Woman - I tried to make a house wife and show them romance in bed
Usually the two go hand in hand, and it's so sad.
Abused women need healing before they can experience true love making.
All you can do it point them in that direction.
5 - Woman that were abused by Mom or Dad or Both- I tried to show them tenderness
6- Woman that blame everyone for there crappy life- I tried to show Personal Accountability
7- Very seductive woman and sexy woman- I enjoyed the sex life
8- Woman that were married and divorced on avg of 2.5 times- I was a shoulder to cry on
9- Woman that had kids that were troubled/abused - I tried to love and care for the kids
THIS RIGHT HERE is why *I* will not date, anytime soon.
The very last thing I need in my life right now is to pick someone "just like my ex".
That is a fear, worse than death.
That is ALSO why when/if I do date? Sex is not on the menu.
I am not a used car; there are no free test rides.
Getting involved sexually before KNOWING the person (like a year or more) is just begging for trouble. IMHO
10- Woman that end up HATING ME and RESENTING ME- Not sure why.
Maybe in your rescue efforts you are pointing out to them all of their faults and short comings and it come across as "they are damaged and you are perfect"? Who knows... .If I did know I would tell you... .cause I asked myself that same question:
After 25 years of love, devotion, etc... .why did he do what he did?
Today, I don't care what the answer is: I just don't want to make the same mistake again.
These are a few of the personalities I attract or they come to me.In the span of 21 years sober I am ashamed to admit that I have had 15 relationship failures that all seemed to be played out over and over with the same endings.
INSANITY= Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
One common denominator is NYMIKE... . :'( :'(
My ''rescue'' and ''caretaker'' roles have appeared in T.
I am not sure why I am putting this out there but sometimes I feel like I am the lone ranger in all these failures.I feel very embarrassed,ashamed and less than.
What is the course of action the T recommended to break this cycle / pattern of behavior?
Surely he / she has a plan or steps to be taken to break this cycle?