She sent this today

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex gf gets her children the week after Christmas. She lost custody of them 7 years ago. Her ex husband plays hardball some and she never fights back. When she moved out of my house the week before thanksgiving she didn't tell the father she was moving. Then she got children (they live a state away) for thanksgiving but they stayed at her new place where she now lives with her girlfriend. 

On Christmas Eve her fifteen years old son posted God must hate him. What could bring child to post that on Christmas Eve of all nights?  So I messaged him and he Said his dad wouldn't let them see her this year and he was taking her to court.

I think the father is alcoholic too.

Anyhow today on fb,  my ex gf posted that whoever said God doesn't put more on us than we can handle lied.  So I broke down and texted her figuring she was driving to get them.

She sent me the following text.  I hate it. I really do. She walked out of my life even though I don't think things were that bad. I wasn't perfect I know. But no one is.

I also think based on reading this that she never told her roommate (who's house she's Living in) about her mother coming until the day of (today). Anyhow, see below for text: 

Thanks. Driving to drop gifts off. Again. Oh and Celina doesn't want my mom and Tim to come there to stay bc extra people stresses her out. Yeah, found that out this morning. So I'm heading straight up to my family in PA and just hope my days here in this godforsaken world are almost over. My kids are devastated. Except I'll have to drop gifts off at Dylan's bc Chuck says he'll call the cops if I show up at their house. I HATE Christmas. I hate the world. I hate life. I hate myself. Nothing will ever fix this. It's hopeless and I'm a lost cause. I don't need a response and I don't want to talk on the phone. I just sang to drive and forget who I am.

[Scopikaz]

My ex gf gets her children the week after Christmas. She lost custody of them 7 years ago. Her ex husband plays hardball some and she never fights back. When she moved out of my house the week before thanksgiving she didn't tell the father she was moving. Then she got children (they live a state away) for thanksgiving but they stayed at her new place where she now lives with her girlfriend. 

On Christmas Eve her fifteen years old son posted God must hate him. What could bring child to post that on Christmas Eve of all nights?  So I messaged him and he Said his dad wouldn't let them see her this year and he was taking her to court.

I think the father is alcoholic too.

Anyhow today on fb,  my ex gf posted that whoever said God doesn't put more on us than we can handle lied.  So I broke down and texted her figuring she was driving to get them.

She sent me the following text.  I hate it. I really do. She walked out of my life even though I don't think things were that bad. I wasn't perfect I know. But no one is.

I also think based on reading this that she never told her roommate (who's house she's Living in) about her mother coming until the day of (today). Anyhow, see below for text: 

Thanks. Driving to drop gifts off. Again. Oh and Celina doesn't want my mom and Tim to come there to stay bc extra people stresses her out. Yeah, found that out this morning. So I'm heading straight up to my family in PA and just hope my days here in this godforsaken world are almost over. My kids are devastated. Except I'll have to drop gifts off at Dylan's bc Chuck says he'll call the cops if I show up at their house. I HATE Christmas. I hate the world. I hate life. I hate myself. Nothing will ever fix this. It's hopeless and I'm a lost cause. I don't need a response and I don't want to talk on the phone. I just sang to drive and forget who I am.

[Inside]

I know it’s a foreign concept to many... but the emphasis and expectations placed on “Christmas” are too much, in my view.  It’s difficult for stable individuals, and often life threatening to the troubled…  

I think those of us here are some of the most compassionate of humans; we were spotted as such, and unfortunately, relied upon by our disordered loved ones to make it right, to protect them, to make a hostile world safe ... .their Knight...  We of course can’t, though surely tried.  They’ve a level of disorder beyond our, if anyone’s capacity to cure.  

My BPDex was ‘high functioning,’ as in, self-destructing in slow motion…  I’d help her tomorrow... damnit…  But fortunately, haven’t had to.  In your case... it’s tougher.  So you go to her rescue, then what?  Her kids are surely a concern, especially with their mother so close to the edge…  I think it’s OK to help ... maybe that’s just foolish me.  That’s ‘help as you can’ ... .which as you’ve no doubt learned, is never ‘enough.’

I’ve for years now detected a level of anger on these (leaving) pages that’s not 'who we are' … it’s more who we become, or ‘need to be’ in order to get beyond the pain…  In actuality, we’re the best - and I mean that.  If those with BPD poses any special skills, it’s detecting people like us.  I’d say, if you haven’t already... , do what you can…  Keep it caring, if not loving.  We care, and even ‘they’ deserve that...  Intend to continue on, there’s no sense in being further consumed.  

Do not allow it to become romantic.  :)o feel free to make the serious suggestions you'd likely held back before.  And as far as ‘Christ Mass’ - I’m glad it’s another year away  

[Mutt]

Hi Scopikaz,

Her ex is putting the kids in the middle. Why would he tell the kids that around the holidays? I don't agree with it. I can see a lot of rejection with family.

She's taking it pretty hard and I think that's the effect that her ex husband wanted.

She sent me the following text.  I hate it. I really do. She walked out of my life even though I don't think things were that bad. I wasn't perfect I know. But no one is.

What do you hate? Do you hate it that you're not there to support her?

[Scopikaz]

I hate the role I played in her leaving. I hate that she's going through this. I hate that I can't be there for her. I hate the feeling of wanting her to come back and knowing she won't it doesn't want to.  But I love her . Or think I do.  But I know love means truly desiring the others good. Respecting their wishes. And loving them enough to let them go. 

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you're going through this with your ex Scopikaz. I have been in your shoes so many times while I was in (and out) my r/s with my exBPDgf. There were two children who were tossed about by my ex and their father. What I found out after the r/s ended, I started seeing it towards the end actually, was that everything I believed about what I was told about the children's father was a very twisted version of the truth. He had his issues I'm sure however his goal was to give his children stability. One of the children wasn't his, he adopted her during his marriage to my ex.

he Said his dad wouldn't let them see her this year and he was taking her to court.

This would be a flag to me, is it possible that something happened that you aren't aware of? In my experience with my ex, it never failed that we would be close to resolution in custody court proceedings and she would find some way to thwart it. It would be something she shared, last minute literally, with her attorney as her attorney was walking into the courtroom (which would be bad enough to leave me with my jaw on the ground) or with something she had done that her exH found out about.

All of these times where a hard pill to swallow. There were many times my heart ached for the pain she was in for all the chaos surrounding her seeing her children and for the children who couldn't possibly understand. What I had to come to terms with, like you, was that my role didn't help matters. I saved her many times and there were many other people who saved her too. No one , to this day, allows her to see or deal with her actions being the cause of the demise of her not having custody of her children, aside from a judge in court.

I feel your pain, your situation is very hard.  

[Mutt]

Scopikaz,

Anyhow today on fb,  my ex gf posted that whoever said God doesn't put more on us than we can handle lied.

The sky is not falling. She is seeing the kids a week after. The 15 year old is likely going to be asked by the judge about which parent he would like to reside with? He's old enough. How old are the kids?