What do I do?

[tahini guava]

Hi all,

First post here, but I’ve been reading different threads for about a year now. I would love any advice that anyone could give me. I have a father and a partner with BPD.

Obviously, I was well aware my father had his problems and I’ve been to therapy to address it. I was finally in a great place after a very confusing childhood with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. But I was truly doing my best: I was working on my degree and feeling happy…

Then I met somebody who I thought was amazing. And they are amazing… but they also have BPD. I found out about a year into things when the splitting started to happen. And it was worse than what I have ever experienced before. I’ve continued going to therapy and we’ve been looking into couples counselling. But sometimes things are so bad (severe splitting that will involve physical threats and throwing things at me) that I can’t justify staying. We’ve discussed couples therapy but every time he changes his mind and blames me for his outbursts.

All of this led me to moving back home a little while ago, back in with my parents. And essentially, if I’m not having to walk on eggshells with my partner, then I am having to walk on eggshells with my father. The opportunity is there for me to move back in with my partner, but I am torn. I feel like I have to essentially “pick my poison”.

I don’t have the option to move out on my own, I live in the most expensive city in the world (literally) and I’m a student. My partner is in the aviation industry and is gone for frequent periods of time, so at least I have some breaks unlike living at home. But then, deep down I know it’s not right to subject myself to either scenario.

What the heck do I do?