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Meili
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« Reply #30 on: July 18, 2016, 12:41:36 PM » |
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You can focus on you and what you can actually control.
I know that sounds trite, but it's true. There's only so much that is within your control. That's all that you have to work with. If you truly want her back at this point, focus on you, what's in your control, what you can change about yourself to be more attractive and confident, and regain control over your own life.
If she comes back, you'll be in a better position to deal with her; if she doesn't, it won't matter as much because you'll be in a better position to deal with you.
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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
 This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
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Xstang77
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #31 on: July 18, 2016, 03:25:50 PM » |
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Otherwise I guess all I can really do is wait for her to reach out I think me doing so would be counter productive at this point,maybe my post triggered abandonment for her but I doubt it if she was with another guy so quickly.
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Meili
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« Reply #32 on: July 18, 2016, 03:41:31 PM » |
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And, if she did reach out, what would she find? The same you that she has stepped back from, or... .?
What do you want her to find is probably more important?
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Xstang77
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #33 on: July 18, 2016, 04:58:30 PM » |
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She'll find me 100% debt free,not caring or chasing her like I did and skinnier and more fit from working out.
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Meili
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« Reply #34 on: July 18, 2016, 05:05:22 PM » |
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All great places to start!
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #35 on: July 18, 2016, 05:14:01 PM » |
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So Melli I'll ask you then with the information you know from your best guess do you think I will hear from her again?
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Meili
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« Reply #36 on: July 18, 2016, 05:19:58 PM » |
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My guess is yes.
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #37 on: July 18, 2016, 05:25:38 PM » |
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Thank you for an honest answer,do you think it might be quite a while?
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Meili
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« Reply #38 on: July 18, 2016, 05:27:39 PM » |
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Depends on the definition of "a while." It will feel like an eternity regardless if you focus on her and getting her back. That's why we are told to focus on us, not them or the r/s.
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #39 on: July 18, 2016, 05:41:55 PM » |
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By a while I mean either a year or a month
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Meili
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« Reply #40 on: July 18, 2016, 05:44:43 PM » |
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I would guess a month or less. Depends, in part, on you and what you do.
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #41 on: July 18, 2016, 05:46:45 PM » |
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To make that a possibility would you agree nc until she reaches out?
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Meili
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« Reply #42 on: July 18, 2016, 05:50:42 PM » |
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Definitely!
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ArleighBurke
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« Reply #43 on: July 18, 2016, 05:54:20 PM » |
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Not to be too harsh, but Xstang77 - you sound like an addict!
Your relationship is on and off all the time. She is with other men, and you are dying just waiting for her to pick you up again.
It's not healthy - she is controlling you.
Whether you two end up together or not is actually not the issue here. You are addicted to her in a very unhealthy way. Whether she comes back, or whether you end up with someone else, you need to learn healthy boundaries. That is a long road.
But you need to start now! As Meili says - work on yourself. Make yourself emotionally and psychologically stronger. If she comes back, you may then have the skills to keep the relationship going. But as you currently are, all I can see is her hurting you over and over and over.
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Your journey, your direction. Be the captain!
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #44 on: July 18, 2016, 06:24:00 PM » |
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I agree but I've tried everything and have been working on myself if it comes down to boundaries she'll just up and leave as soon as it gets hard.
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Meili
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« Reply #45 on: July 18, 2016, 07:59:01 PM » |
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If she ups and leaves when it gets hard, what does that tell you?
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #46 on: July 18, 2016, 08:01:00 PM » |
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I figured it was part of a low functioning BPD trait?
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Meili
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« Reply #47 on: July 18, 2016, 08:37:17 PM » |
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pwBPD are just as capable of feeling love as the rest of us. High or low functioning, it doesn't matter.
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #48 on: July 18, 2016, 09:45:35 PM » |
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So she's just a ___ty person in general,now she even posted pics of them together,funny thing is I feel it should be burning in my soul but it's not it's like there's nothing left for it to hurt.
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ArleighBurke
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« Reply #49 on: July 18, 2016, 10:22:44 PM » |
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You speak so highly of your partner.
Why do you want to be with her?
Is it some form of addiction, or is there actually some love there?
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Your journey, your direction. Be the captain!
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #50 on: July 18, 2016, 11:08:57 PM » |
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You speak so highly of your partner.
Why do you want to be with her?
Is it some form of addiction, or is there actually some love there?
did you just see what I posted she did? Your first comment I appreciated but the last one was insulting,she's not even my partner she's with the second guy in a month,I started this thread for insight before the recent things happened,my fault was I did love her to a fault if you only knew the things I was put through and still stayed dedicated. |
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ArleighBurke
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« Reply #51 on: July 18, 2016, 11:14:38 PM » |
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Perhaps I've misread what you've been saying, but my impression is that you say you want to have her back.
And this desire to have her back seems at odds with what you feel.
Do you want a relationship with her? If so, why?
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Your journey, your direction. Be the captain!
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #52 on: July 18, 2016, 11:18:24 PM » |
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I did but then I saw her upload more photos of her and this guy and it has pretty much killed it for me,at this point i think it's pretty clear I won't hear from her again,guess I feel in love with a mask.
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ArleighBurke
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« Reply #53 on: July 18, 2016, 11:26:10 PM » |
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... .but you are still talking about HER, not you.
"... .I won't hear from her again".
WHAT DO YOU WANT? Make the decision for yourself!
-If you are through with her, make that decision. Say it.
-If you still love her, accept that. Then work on yourself to be able to support her, and stay true to yourself.
But your life is YOUR decision.
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Your journey, your direction. Be the captain!
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Meili
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« Reply #54 on: July 19, 2016, 02:48:38 AM » |
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WK is right.
You have to decide. Whichever you decide, you should really stop stalking her FB page. All that it does is take the focus off you and put it on her. You need to be focusing on you right now.
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Xstang77
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115
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« Reply #55 on: July 19, 2016, 11:40:04 AM » |
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I agree,thank you guys for the advice,I'm just gonna keep pushing forward with myself.
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