Wife back in the hospital

[Hydroman]

My wife (BPD and bipolar) ended up in the hospital Thursday last week.   I had taken a new job (promotion), her dr had put her on a new med and it seemed to be doing well, she seemed to be doing well and picking up, taking care of the kids, house, we were fixing things-it seemed things were getting back to "normal".   Last week, she went out to a nearby park and I get a call from the park police that they had to talk her out of jumping from a cliff and were taking her to a hospital.   Apparently, she had been keeping all her cutting, depression, suicidal ideation from me.   She did a good job of hiding things-fooled me.  I trusted her and let my guard down.  Now, there is no trust.   Makes me wonder what else she has kept from me or did without telling me.   

ITs been over 3 years since my wife was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar.   Things seem to be worse-this is the closest she has come to suicide (lots of partial attempts before).   Its getting old.   I had to go and tell my new boss, I needed time off to look after kids and go see my wife and her diagnosis and what she did.  Not a good thing to have to tell your new boss.   I really took a blow on this one as I felt things were really getting better and life was improving and that we would make it.  I had found a good psychiatrist, good therapist, my wife was in a DBT class, now I am dissolussioned.   In my new job, its further away so longer commute and less flexability (no telework).   I have to trust her and put responsibility for her safety, care, taking meds on her.   She needs to tell me if something isn't right or she is in a bad way and obviously, that isn't happening.   

Hydroman

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[guitarguy09]

So sorry to hear about your wife's suicide attempt. That must have been extremely stressful to hear about that and have her be in the hospital besides. It has to be very frustrating knowing that you guys were taking the right steps to move towards health in these areas as well as your own mental health (therapists and DBT class for her). Is everyone safe right now? Have you found someone that can take care of the kids until she gets out of the hospital?

[an0ught]

Hi Hydroman,

suicide attempts are on of the hardest things we face. You are feeling abandoned and betrayed and understandably so. While some suicides can be seen coming many are well hidden or particularly with BPD are not so fully planned and have a strong impulsive component to it.

I had found a good psychiatrist, good therapist, my wife was in a DBT class, now I am dissolussioned.   In my new job, its further away so longer commute and less flexability (no telework).   I have to trust her and put responsibility for her safety, care, taking meds on her.   She needs to tell me if something isn't right or she is in a bad way and obviously, that isn't happening.   

You are working hard on your side and you are working hard to support her. Turning a relationship around that has been moving into the wrong direction for a long time takes considerable time. Don't blame yourself!