Sad and Tired

[seh77]

My dBPDgf didn’t go with me to my Dad’s funeral.  She says it’s my entire fault that I was grumpy that morning and escalated things.  That I was Moody… wow shocker I was moody because my dad had passed away that I watched him take his last breath.  So she proceeded to stomp around the house before time for the funeral.  We of course exchanged words.  I had been doing so well up to this point.  But I was so stressed out and sad I just didn’t watch what was going out of my mouth.   I told her that’s she’s never there when I need her.  I said this because she had already made the statement that she was going to go to her daughters basketball game since it was her last game.

So flash fwd thru the day.  I go to the funeral.  I say goodbye to my Dad one last time.  I get home and she is telling her daughter (6) that I don’t want them anymore.  Getting her upset and running to me crying her eyes out.  I get my 16 year old son to get her and get her mind off things and play with her.

My GF was sitting in her car in the garage and I went in there and told her she doesn’t need to be telling her things like that.  I love them and would never say that.  (I kinda got the feeling that she was using her D7 to lure me out there to talk to her)

I just gave up I told her to do what she thought was best for her.  That I would be in the living room with her D7 and my S16 and watch The Croods.  So she finally came out of the garage.  I just had no emotion and was at a point where I could think halfway straight.  I told her I wasn’t arguing anymore that I am done with it.  She then points out that there is something wrong with me because I was so moody that day.  I just ignored what she said and went on about the evening.

No matter what I do its wrong  or I have issues.  It’s really hard for me to swallow that she chose not to go with me and support me on the day that I needed her the most.  I no longer have any grandparents or parents. 

I recently found out she is still texting an X and hiding it.  I am not the jealous type but for some reason that is bugging me.  She hit the roof when I told her I had talked to someone I had went out on 2 dates with and we decided it’s better if we were just friends.  But she thinks it’s perfectly ok for her to talk and do what she wants and not be held by the same standards.  She is planning a trip to see her brother who lives a couple hours away and mentioned meeting up with her X who could see her daughter whom she barely knows.  I am really struggling with that right now and I can’t seem to figure out why.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Love Is Not Enough]

I relate to you here on just about all the levels.

I just wanted to give you my condolences about losing your father, it is really hard 

My ex wife (not why I'm on this board) was late to my father's funeral and ended up not sitting with me. I also felt that she was not there when I needed her most. We were already having issues by this time and this really pushed the rs downhill looking back now. A lack of empathy from a pwBPD is really difficult to accept at times like this and it's even worse when they try to assume the victim role.

I really hate when my gf uses the children for emotional blackmail! It is sick and twisted to say the least, especially when they tell them things like that. I set a boundary about that with my gf. It's one thing to try and play games with me, but do not involve the children in them.

I'm shocked she told you about meeting up with her ex. Mine did it behind my back. My opinion is that the only reason she told you was to gauge your reaction so that she can use it to validate herself one way or the other. She probably wants you to get upset and act like a macho idiot. Yeah, I always love the double standard too. It's my belief my gf went to see her ex to rub her new rs with me in his face. Then again it could have been to test the waters for a recycle since she was feeling insecure about our rs. Who knows for sure. You have good reason to be uncomfortable about her meeting up with an ex while two hours away from you. You know the hellfire you would receive if you tried to do the same thing.

Set a boundary if you do not think it is right. Do what's best for you. You definitely need to grieve the loss of your father. My thoughts are with you