Helpful Activity when ex wBPD Keeps 10 Month Old Away from You

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I ended my engagement with the mom of my 10 year old (pwBPD) last Tuesday.  Unlike previous attempts to separate, I've been able to fight off the waves of guilt she threw at me to get me back (ie, "You're really not committed to working on yourself to save this?", "You're going to make the same mistake your parents made when they divorced.", "You're destroying this family.".

In retaliation (I think) for calmly standing up to myself and in response to the assertive communications my legal team created to arrange for a new living arrangement and to care for our daughter, my ex is now blocking total access to my child. 

As my legal team goes to court this week to try to arrange for temporary permanent custody of me and given that my ex is responding to once-a-day text messages like "Please let me know how our daughter is" with "Stop harassing me", I've started to write daily notes to my daughter to let her know that everything will be ok and that I'll see her very soon.  It's a way to let the welled-up tears flow through, and it's something I can do that feels like I'm connecting with my kiddo.

Just thankful that the lawyer hired a BPD expert to consult with him/guide him on how he should be proceeding. We're moving at a much more vigorous pace as a result of having the expert on board.

[Aiming4Kindness]

I ended my engagement with the mom of my 10 year old (pwBPD) last Tuesday.  Unlike previous attempts to separate, I've been able to fight off the waves of guilt she threw at me to get me back (ie, "You're really not committed to working on yourself to save this?", "You're going to make the same mistake your parents made when they divorced.", "You're destroying this family.".

In retaliation (I think) for calmly standing up to myself and in response to the assertive communications my legal team created to arrange for a new living arrangement and to care for our daughter, my ex is now blocking total access to my child. 

As my legal team goes to court this week to try to arrange for temporary permanent custody of me and given that my ex is responding to once-a-day text messages like "Please let me know how our daughter is" with "Stop harassing me", I've started to write daily notes to my daughter to let her know that everything will be ok and that I'll see her very soon.  It's a way to let the welled-up tears flow through, and it's something I can do that feels like I'm connecting with my kiddo.

Just thankful that the lawyer hired a BPD expert to consult with him/guide him on how he should be proceeding. We're moving at a much more vigorous pace as a result of having the expert on board.

[bus boy]

I wish you all the best in getting access to your child. I know this feeling all to well so when I read your post it makes me emotional. My Xw through terrible things at me, very painful things in my life that I shared with her were used as insturments or pain. When they are in pain they must hurt someone and it's usually the person closest to them. I carry much pain of having an older son who is not involved in my life. I have learned to live with this pain everyday. I accepted my responsibility in this and live with it best I can. My fight for access to my 10 year son has been horrible, one day I tried to plead with her and told her she was preventing a proper r/s with my son and she coldly and cruely replied what son. Those words were like a knife going through my heart. I had brain tumour surgery, I asked Xw if s10 could spend Father's Day with me, she replied, go to your doctor you tumour is growing back. They want to hurt us with cruel heartless words. Best of luck with custody.