Are they more likely to reach out after they have a new supply ?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just wondering if they tend to reach out when they have a good replacement ?

Mine never said don't contact but she has disappeared and blocked me after an initial "let's be friends "

[dobie]

Just wondering if they tend to reach out when they have a good replacement ?

Mine never said don't contact but she has disappeared and blocked me after an initial "let's be friends "

[Mutt]

Hi dobie,

I've read many different accounts on the boards from members and I think every situation is unique. BPD is a spectrum disorder and every individual that suffers from this difficult disorder is different.

I've read some get in touch months, years and sometimes decades and it depends on what is happening in that person's life and the persons compartment that they are with.

BPD is unstable inter-personal relationships and a history of chaotic relationships, the disorder is triggered by intimacy. In early childhood development the individual has not seperated and developed a sense of self and a pwBPD need an attachment to survive to complete themselves and need an emotional caretaker because they are scared of the world.

I'm sorry to hear that she's blocked you and disappeared and I can see how that's confusing when she left you with a mixed message of let's be friends. As I stated, it depends on what's going on in that person's life and you may very well hear back from her when she puts her feelers out to validate the emotional attachment. That being said.

Do you think she has a good replacement and that's why you haven't heard from her?

Do you feel like you're were not good enough because she hasn't tested your emotional availability?

[dobie]

Hi dobie,

I've read many different accounts on the boards from members and I think every situation is unique. BPD is a spectrum disorder and every individual that suffers from this difficult disorder is different.

I've read some get in touch months, years and sometimes decades and it depends on what is happening in that person's life and the persons compartment that they are with.

BPD is unstable inter-personal relationships and a history of chaotic relationships, the disorder is triggered by intimacy. In early childhood development the individual has not seperated and developed a sense of self and a pwBPD need an attachment to survive to complete themselves and need an emotional caretaker because they are scared of the world.

I'm sorry to hear that she's blocked you and disappeared and I can see how that's confusing when she left you with a mixed message of let's be friends. As I stated, it depends on what's going on in that person's life and you may very well hear back from her when she puts her feelers out to validate the emotional attachment. That being said.

Do you think she has a good replacement and that's why you haven't heard from her?

Do you feel like you're were not good enough because she hasn't tested your emotional availability?

Thank you mutt 

I guess I feel amazed at after six years and an imennient wedding etc that I can be forgotten and discarded so easily

She said she had not "been in love for a year " and she was detaching it seems with push /pull behvaiours over the 12 months prior to her leaving so I guess that could be why she has seemingly moved on with her new life with such ease and gusto

I really thought I was her world she was mine

But it is what it is I guess

[Mutt]

I understand. We all have different healing paths and it's not linear. I went through a period where I dismissed and suppressed my own feelings and a friend of mine said its important to have your own feelings Mutt and feel them and I'm glad that I did  

You were ready to settle down, she was special?

I went through something similar at the end of my r/s and that things weren't working because of me and she needed to find happiness and a pwBPD seek the perfect r/s and it eventually becomes difficult for the pwBPD to mirror their partner. It sounds like your ex was detaching in the last 12 months.

I can understand how difficult that is if you're ready to tie the knot after a long term r/s and there's little to no sympathy or empathy displayed to you if she's easily shifted from your committed r/s and into another one. That hurts like hell.

Are you curious as to what's going on in her life with her and the new person? I'm not coming from a place of judgement and I spent a good period of time wondering the same things myself.