I shouldn't be suprised

[Venny]

So I haven't posted in about a month. My BPD ex reached out to me after several months NC. She was a total mess. After agreeing to see her for some problem she was allegedly having I feel for it again. I met her at her apartment and it looked like a homeless person lived there. Garbage everywhere food rotting unreal. She had developed a severe coca in addiction and hadn't been to work ect. I told myself it wasn't my problem and to not get involved but seeing her like that and in desperate need of help I couldn't turn away. She had been beautiful 125 lbs and was there weighing something like 90. A shell. Over the course of a week I bathed her cleaned her house bought her food and slowly tried to wean her off the drugs. We talked alot. She cried and said this was rock bottom. I encouraged her to move home and go to rehab and get serious counselling. Eventually she came clean to her mom and moved back home last week. She was crying saying she loved me promised me a million things gave me her ring to keep until I saw her again ect... .I kept telling myself it was lies and I was being manipulated but I had hope.  She went home and a few days later went into rehab. Finally! She was communicating telling me she loved me doing everything right. Then 5 days into rehab she left in the middle of the night. She had been acting strange the 2 nights prior over the phone. She since deleted me off Facebook and hasn't contacted me except once as she was being admitted to the hospital.her friend reached out thanking me for all I have done for her and explained that she was sorry for not believing me. So now I'm here again . I can't believe it. After everything. I literally saved her life a week ago and now I'm nothing again. We talked for hours and hours. She cried and promised all this stuff and now again out of nowhere it's all gone. All a complete lie. I cannot believe it but of course I knew it the whole time. What I struggle with the most I think apart from normal sadness is that I don't know what is normal anymore. I was the only person in the world who cared when she was at her lowest. I was also the last person who should have. Most people would value that but of course to her it's nothing. I'm not even really sad this time I just feel empty.  I knew it would happen but believed her again. ___

[thisagain]

Yikes, I'm sorry you had to see that

A lot of us tend to be "savers" and feel better about ourselves when we're rescuing someone else... .and a lot of pwBPD will, at least some of the time, respond to our "saving" efforts with intense affection and idealization. Even when we think we should know better, it can be intoxicating and hard to resist.

I glanced at your previous posts and there seems to be a pattern of "almost fell for it again," "broke NC," should have known better, etc... .Would it be fair to say that you're stuck in a cycle of saving her, basking in the love-bombing for a while, and then she devalues you and disappears again?

It seems like you knew the whole time how this recent episode would end. What do you think keeps you coming back?

[rj47]

What I struggle with the most I think apart from normal sadness is that I don't know what is normal anymore. I was the only person in the world who cared when she was at her lowest. I was also the last person who should have. Most people would value that but of course to her it's nothing. I'm not even really sad this time I just feel empty.  I knew it would happen but believed her again.

I felt the same and did the same things for my BPD partner for a long time in a similar situation many times. You might be there again as well as long as you have a small hope. For their part they mostly tell you what you want and need to hear and will promise anything. It does not last. The addiction usually causes them to lie more. Regaining trust is near impossible, but is what most normal relationships are built on.

My comment has more to do with WHAT IS NORMAL. I think you know what it should be and definitely what it is not. When NORMAL shows you'll recognize, appreciate and slip into it quite easily.