Contact with ex re very ill cat; I feel lost

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

It's weird but... .  I am struggling with how peaceful I feel about this.  I'm used to anguished wails of grief, figural chest-beating and hair-tearing, guilt, shame, and "I should haves."  That's how I've always dealt with bad things before. 

Is... .  is this how normal people deal with things?  o.O

I guess I've lived so long, first with my mother and then with my exBPD, I don't know how to be just "sad" without feeling guilt or shame or anguish.  It feels... .  disrespectful.  I get a few "hits" during the day (opening my door and not finding him there meowing for breakfast, not seeing him curled up on the couch, not having him greet me when I come through the door and call for him when I've been out.)  But mostly just peace, gratitude for having him, and a sort of excitement at the future.  I'm not responsible to anyone now but myself.  I feel... .  like he didn't matter to me if I feel that way, but it feels so good.

[Changed4safety]

It's weird but... .  I am struggling with how peaceful I feel about this.  I'm used to anguished wails of grief, figural chest-beating and hair-tearing, guilt, shame, and "I should haves."  That's how I've always dealt with bad things before. 

Is... .  is this how normal people deal with things?  o.O

I guess I've lived so long, first with my mother and then with my exBPD, I don't know how to be just "sad" without feeling guilt or shame or anguish.  It feels... .  disrespectful.  I get a few "hits" during the day (opening my door and not finding him there meowing for breakfast, not seeing him curled up on the couch, not having him greet me when I come through the door and call for him when I've been out.)  But mostly just peace, gratitude for having him, and a sort of excitement at the future.  I'm not responsible to anyone now but myself.  I feel... .  like he didn't matter to me if I feel that way, but it feels so good.

[Surnia]

I'm not responsible to anyone now but myself.  I feel... .  like he didn't matter to me if I feel that way, but it feels so good.

Beautiful and 

[Rose Tiger]

I'm so sorry for your loss.    Your thoughts are very encouraging, I want to be like you when I grow up.