wow a breakthrough

[jumanti]

Well were do i start? I was having a really bad week last week (womans monthly troubles) which made me feel so low and down, this was only to be made worse by the demands of being a mum and wife to BPD husband. Saturday i lost it and told my husband exactly how i felt and how it was then stomped off for a bloody good cry upstairs. Instead of leaving me there and ignoring me ( which is what usually happens i dry my eyes and carry on). he came up to me and we had such a big talk about how his moods swings have been affecting us for a good while now and he sat and listened and we talked and talked for ages. This was a big breakthrough, he told me how he felt an as, i have been distant because of his moods he thought i had gone off him. We realy made a big breakthrough because although we have talked in the past to sort things out, this felt so so different and i know its early days but i know we have such good things to come from our relationship with each other and our kids. Im not saying its going to be plain sailing from now because the BPD will always be with him, but it just feels like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders by breaking down and telling him straight. He has been so different in the last few days so much more loving and caring towards me and it feels real nice to feel loved again, i will always fight for our relationship because i know it is worth it, the BPD may take over at times but underneath all that he is the most loving caring husband and its worth the fight. so just thought id share my breakthrough moment and heres to more happy times ahead   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

I'm glad you were able to talk to him about some of this issues that have plagued your relationship.  Sometimes things build up and then come tumbling out in ways we don't always expect and can't really control.  Sometimes it works out, sometimes not. 

I encourage you to build on this by validating his loving gestures.  You really can't do this enough!  Reinforce the positive.  It's also good to be realistic (which you are!) about the future.  If he has BPD and isn't in treatment, he's not cured and there will be rough patches ahead.  Be prepared and make sure you keep expectations realistic.   

[LetItBe]

I'm soo happy for you, jumanti!

I, too, had a similar breakthrough with my pwBPD last night.  I was able to share my feelings with him, and was really "there" for me in such a loving way.  He has been really, really working on himself.  It was the kind of discussion that would have ended poorly in the past with him.  I'm encouraged that his -- and our -- hard work is paying off.

[Go Fish]

I had a breakthrough too, when I finally told him that I was going through a hard time and I would appreciate it if he could be a little kinder and a little gentler. That things weren't easy for me. I didn't blame him, wasn't angry, and he has curbed his constant criticism. This is after over a year here and a slow time of realization and acceptance on my part, using the tools, and hoping. The BPD hasn't changed but we have a more solid relationship and some of the stressors have gone away. He's also high-functioning, but still it was good to see a simple request worked.