What I want is for him to be gone from our lives.
Follow Joanna's advice.
he wants to see the baby for his 1st birthday at the end of March…he’ll fly us somewhere if that’s what it takes
If I could add anything it is to NOT get on a plane and fly to where he is. Being in a strange city without a support network with someone who has physically attacked you (while you were pregnant) is an error in judgment. Please dont do it. Your Boy needs a smart Mommy- and one who's protective of his best interest. Do the right thing and use the three strikes rule against this Man. It's a rule that's fair enough for criminals on the streets and it's fair enough for your Son's Father too.
Eventually you will meet a good man- and at that time he may step up to the plate and mentor your child. You cant discover him with an abuser taking up most of your attention. Choose your battles wisely- sometimes the way to win is by choosing not to fight.