Dumped by pwBPD and she has not contacted me since.

[woofbarkmeowbeep]

We were talking every day in depth for a few months... but since last week when all of a sudden she said she 'needed space' and that she wanted me to leave (which I did) she hasn't contacted me or replied to a few messages I sent at all.

Any suggestions as to what I do here? I guess there is no point in trying to contact her again? I'm just lost and confused around it all... Don't know what to do here really... .I mean, I can see through her recent behaviour that a relationship is a bad idea... but to just cut contact completely makes me feel so strange and hurt... I wonder what she has been doing/thinking etc... any ideas?

[Confused108]

Yup my ex pulled the same stuff on me. I need space and time. Then came back and told me we were not compatible. Lies. Cut me off like nothing. Like I never mattered at all. I at the time had no idea about BPD. She said she was diagnosed as Biplar at 14yo but her actions never matched the disorder. She after I researched it has all the traits of being BPD. So I would not expect much from her. She will probably paint you black make it look like it's all your fault for why the realtionship ended etc. I would not call her . She will just confirm what you already know.

[JRT]

its only been a week... .be patient if you want her to call you back. Some BPD's return weeks, months or years after the fact.

[divina]

Mine didn't dump me with his words, but only his actions. He said everything had remained the same between us and proceeded with my replacement. It's been 31 days NC. 

[Rmbrworst]

You're not alone.  Same happened to me.  Completed discarded like I never existed. 

Very painful.

Wth time it gets better. 

[Scopikaz]

Virtually the same happened to me. But I don't know who's crazier. Her or me. I keep reaching out to her.  She sometimes responds. But it's on her terms.  Short. To point. Unless she's frustrated or mad or needs something. Then she self loathes or whatever.  No contact is the best.  I'm preaching to the choir though. You know that I think.  And do as I say. Not as I do. Because I'm awful at it. 

I can say no amount of texts to her will make any bit of difference except to push her away and confirm she was right for leaving.

[Tommytwo]

Yep, after several years of recycling , I received a phone call telling me not to call her anymore. Says I was preventing her from seeing other guys. I knew differently in that she was intensely on multiple dating sites and dating who knows how many others. We've been mutually NC for two months now. I'm in recovery and take this as a painful reset of my life. She was done and so am I.

[Invictus01]

We were talking every day in depth for a few months... but since last week when all of a sudden she said she 'needed space' and that she wanted me to leave (which I did) she hasn't contacted me or replied to a few messages I sent at all.

Any suggestions as to what I do here? I guess there is no point in trying to contact her again? I'm just lost and confused around it all... Don't know what to do here really... .I mean, I can see through her recent behaviour that a relationship is a bad idea... but to just cut contact completely makes me feel so strange and hurt... I wonder what she has been doing/thinking etc... any ideas?

You need to leave her alone and be done with her just like she was done with you. Trust me, I know how it feels, I got exactly the same treatment - 6 months of daily interaction (100+ texts/day and all that), then a 4 sentence text and a complete radio silence like I never existed. It will take you a while to see this, but eventually you will see that anybody who is willing to treat you like this simply doesn't deserve to be in your life, BPD or not. Chances are she will show up at some point. Remember her actions, not what she said or will have to say.

[MakingMyWay]

Same thing happened to me. I got one email reply and a short chat 2 months after she dumped me and we ran into each other at uni. Few days after that accusations of stalking and harassment from her family. I feel even if she wanted to come back she knows how much she has lied and how much damage it would do to her image if she turned around and took all those accusations back.

It is very difficult to deal with, but my advice is to not try and contact her again. Its fairly clear that you still want to talk to her and maybe be with her, but that will fade in time. I still have moments 7 months on where I still want to talk to her, but I just think back to everything that has happened. It sucks, but the only thing you can do is keep researching, keep posting and consider therapy if you are really struggling. Soon those feelings of anxiety at the thought she might not come back will turn into happiness that she hasn't and unrest at the thought of her contacting you.

[kentavr3]

Everybody! This happened to me 2 times! All suggestions on this support group works! We have been married for 10 years. 11 years together. We have a kind of 9 years old. After 5 years (exact time from “I hate you don’t leave me”) she started blaming me for everything. She wanted to leave me for any small reason. I begged her do not leave. And every time after this I was punished more and more. This called traumatic relationships. I’m codependent. BPD always gives a little good break, and the begins blaming you again and again. After one argument which wouldn’t be existed in the functional family, she decided to leave. Next day she left. She went to police and filed a restriction order. 2 weeks waiting for the court were as hell. I won! Restriction order was denied by female Judge! After court I started begging her to go back to the relationship. It took me 6 months of self-humiliation! Finally we got back. Our daughter was very happy! Blaming me never stopped! Just happened less frequent. I’ve lost a word “NO”! 4 months ago she listen in my conversation with friends that I complained on my problems with her. Sorry for me, but I mentioned a possible problem with BPD. One day, we kissed each other in the morning. Noting was bad. She called me in a day time to work and invited me to the restaurant in the evening. She said that she moved out already. Our kind was and still in a big shock! I was in shock! And still in shock! I tried to not call back her and begging her to return. This was a progress this time. She sends e-mails which I wrongly counted as an invitation to talk. Do NOT catch this hook! Manipulations! She already has somebody. My phycologist told me that is going to be a second cycle. This is how BPD lives. I didn’t listen him. Now I’m in a deep crisis too. We have kid. Divorce is going to be. My message to everybody is : if you have power – run from BPD. Run! Do not call! Do not ask them to back to the relationships! Go to support group, ask doctor to prescribe you Prozac, but do not go back. You’ll be hurt! Please, read this. My exPBDw had a kind from the previous marriage. She left a boy in her country without any feelings. Our daughter is a second kind who badly hurt!

[shatra]

Tommy wrote---

I knew differently in that she was intensely on multiple dating sites and dating who knows how many others.

----Curious how you were able to stay with her knowing she was cheating? Must have been painful

---Also, what was the reason she cheated?