alembic
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 64
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« Reply #31 on: July 15, 2013, 05:18:50 AM » |
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Hello again all.
Sorry for the long time since the last post. Real life has been very fraught and unpleasant again.
To fill you in on what has been going on - my move to another town with work didn't happen.
Both my older children, my son (11) and my daughter (8) wanted to come with me. I was delighted that it worked out this way, but it also created logistical problems, because despite trying really hard, I wasn't able to find suitable state schools for them in the new town. All of the places in the good schools were already long gone, and I was told that I would have to go through a lengthy appeals process, alongside 60 other families, to try and get places in them. Since our children already go to good schools in our current town, it seemed potentially a bad move to take them to a different town and then put them in much worse schools.
The only other possibility was sending at least one of the children to private school in the new town. My wife's family certainly has enough money to do this, and in the past, she had claimed that this wouldn't be a problem if we decided this was the best thing to do. However, of course, now that paying for it would mean the children would be spending most of their time in a different town to her, suddenly it was more of a problem.
I was also very concerned about leaving the children in her care, because I would have had to start work immediately, and the children would have only come with me at the start of the new academic year. Taking the job and putting the children in private school would have then made me financially dependant on her and her family, because if she had at any stage withdrawn the money for the private school fees, I would not have been able to fund it on my salary alone. So very reluctantly, in the end I decided it was just too big a risk to take.
In the meantime, things have got much worse here. My wife refuses to respect my privacy, and by sneaking looks at my laptop when I'm out of the house, found out about this forum, and my postings here. She has even, I believe, gone so far as to register her own account, and has created her own posts somewhere on these forums, to protest her innocence. She cannot bear the idea that I might be getting support for my situation from anyone, and always tries to undermine whatever support I manage to obtain.
About three weeks back, my wife had a enormous meltdown, where she contacted the emergency out-of-hours doctor, who prescribed her some valium. From reading around on the Internet, apparently valium often makes BPD worse... . She knows I have been buying and reading more books about BPD lately, and that weekend she tried to warn me off and told me to 'stop pursuing it'. She was in such a state that day that I knew something bad was going to happen the next day, so when I couldn't sleep, I decided to leave the house in the middle of the night.
The next morning all hell broke loose when my wife found out I had gone. She had another meltdown, and phoned the doctors again, and they sent around paramedics and a GP around to our house. My son also became very upset because he though I was gone for good. The paramedics and GP insisted on contacting social services, but naturally my wife blamed everything on me. Social services even suggesting moving my wife and the kids to a 'safe house' to be protected from me, or banning me from the house.
Our family is now involved with various agencies, all trying to get to the bottom of what is happening. Obviously my wife makes this as difficult as possible, by twisting everything, and making out she is the innocent victim in everything that has gone on.
Around a week ago, when I was again out of the house, our daughter got so upset she grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and threatened to hurt herself with it. This is exactly the same sort of behaviour my wife tried in 2002, and her mother tried in 2004. It is shocking and saddening to hear that my daughter is now caught up in the same behaviour too. I naturally brought this to the attention of the agencies dealing with us, but of course my wife even tried to twist things to make out it was my fault - even though I wasn't there - by claiming I had telephoned with the house and upset everyone, which had caused the incident. Fortunately, I could prove that this hadn't happened, because my son talks about these events in the phone call, so they must have logically happened earlier. But obviously, sometimes I can't prove my account of events so easily.
I just hope the authorities can get to the bottom of what is happening in our family. The problem is, I doubt they've ever heard of BPD, and seem to be taking the 'let's find a workable compromise' approach to dealing with us. They naturally don't understand that my wife will say anything to make it seem as though she is amicable, and then when things inevitably don't work out, she will find some way to blame that failure on me.
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