first attempt at validation

[tigerlily66]

My BPD husband and I were separated for a year; I moved back almost 2 months ago. He is doing better than before I left, but still has so many physical ailment complaints, etc. His first surprise "attack" came yesterday in a private facebook message. He ranted about our "exchange" the past weekend and how I called him paranoid. He said I called him that because we had a campfire and he was worried about causing a forest fire. He went on to say how he thoroughly researched forest fires and he was justified in this fear and was not "paranoid". He said I need to be careful how I label him as my husband, blah, blah... .  I racked my brain to even recall this remark, and I realized I did call him paranoid, but in reference to him thinking a game commissioner police car was watching our house. I wrote back, totally wanting to defen d myself, but all I said was "I understand how you feel, and I will be careful" . He just said thanks, and I haven't heard anymore about it. In the past , I would have argued my case, etc and it would have been so blown out of proportion. I guess I've learned that I don't have to be "right", it's his perception, and it's not worth it!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Great!  Keep practicing and reding about validation. 

[yeeter]

 

Great job avoiding JADE.

Next step is to try and genuinely understand his feelings, and how These feed into the paranoia.

Well done.  This is in the category of 'stop making things worse'.