I the really answer to this stew is that you want another shot at it, have you learned what you need to know to make another round successful?
Sorry about the confusion. I guess I ama bit confused myself with my feelings about it all.
I would like another shot at it. I feel like I am in a good place to be a lot better partner for her, and I've changed a lot. I guess i am frustrated because she makes it sound like I won't ever get that chance again. We just don't have chemistry apparently. She won't tell me the exact reason she fell out of love with me, but I'm pretty sure I know the reasons.
I don't know if I should get back together with her givien the chance because I need to know what a healthy relationship is like and I fear she would just be the same person even if I make all the right moves with a new start.
I feel like I got way to close to her last time. She opened up to me about a lot of stuff and I just think that pushed her away. I took all her pain with me when we went NC for 9 months.
I just wonder if she's recycling me right now. Part of me wants her to be recycling me. It gives me a little confidence, but then the way she says we weren't meant to be puts a lid on the whole deal, and that's hurtful and she doesn't want to lead me on. It's also confusing auto me because I have gotten so many signs that were meant to be together, but I'm trying to ignore that. Love isn't like the movies. I tend to love really hard and I think it just turns women off.
She told me she should have ended the relationship sooner and that we have no chemistry. Which I think is B.S. but I guess I have to believe that. She was always distant because of her BPD and didn't ever try to work with me in the relationship because it was all about her. It was exhausting. Another reason why I don't think it's good for me to go back. She never gave me the things I wanted or needed in the relationship.