I've been ready to date but...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I haven't been with or talked to my child's father for 2 years. Life has moved on within that 2 years I've dated 2 guys that confessed to me before anything that serious that they had severe depression and type 1 Bipolar. So b cause as you know I had a bad experience with that I have decided to leave situation like that completely alone.


Dose anyone have any advice on how to meet someone without major mental issues? I will even swallow my pride and ask what are some things I can change about myself maybe it's the way that I act that attract people who are mentally Ill idk.


Any advice?

[Dontknow88]

I haven't been with or talked to my child's father for 2 years. Life has moved on within that 2 years I've dated 2 guys that confessed to me before anything that serious that they had severe depression and type 1 Bipolar. So b cause as you know I had a bad experience with that I have decided to leave situation like that completely alone.


Dose anyone have any advice on how to meet someone without major mental issues? I will even swallow my pride and ask what are some things I can change about myself maybe it's the way that I act that attract people who are mentally Ill idk.


Any advice?

[hurting300]

I haven't been with or talked to my child's father for 2 years. Life has moved on within that 2 years I've dated 2 guys that confessed to me before anything that serious that they had severe depression and type 1 Bipolar. So b cause as you know I had a bad experience with that I have decided to leave situation like that completely alone.


Dose anyone have any advice on how to meet someone without major mental issues? I will even swallow my pride and ask what are some things I can change about myself maybe it's the way that I act that attract people who are mentally Ill idk.


Any advice?

Why haven't you talked to him?

[Mutt]

I can understand why you're not interested, it's good that they were honest and told you upfront. I thought the same thing too, I won't date a pwBPD because I've had a long history with it and I've had enough, but if someone is mentally ill ( other than BPD ) but they're taking care of themselves I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Where did you meet them?

[Skip]

Dontknow88 , 29% of the population has an addiction or diagnosable mental illness. And its stands to reason, the single pool over 30 is going to have a higher percentage.  This is why many here got "caught up" to begin with.

What is important is to be able to evaluate people and be willing to meet a lot of people. Fortunately, today, you can do that.

The Internet has changed the process of dating. It gives us a lot of choice, which is great, but the dating sites are designed to sell subscriptions, not matches. The design and software is designed for the former - we have to figure out how to navigate that in a rational way.

Do you know what values you seek in a partner?

[sad but wiser]

Hi Don't Know,
  I have had the same experience.  I seem to be a magnet for dysfunction.  Possibly modern life just allows the proliferation of dysfunction in the population.  These days, there is always some program to "help" those who need help.  And, as we know, many personality disordered individuals have taken on the "victim" status. 
  In practical terms, I think,we must simply start focusing on doing the things we love to do... .alone.  Yes, it doesn't sound very appealing, however, you are more likely to meet functioning people at functions.  You want to find a person who has his own hobbies and passions.  And we must learn to take relationships s l o w l y.  BPD and other disorders tend to push for a quick romance.  First, because they can't keep the charm up for long and because they don't want to invest too much into you before nailing you down. 
  So, I guess my best advice boils down to, try to relax, enjoy what you have right now and if you do find someone, slow things way down.  Best of luck.

[Dontknow88]

I can understand why you're not interested, it's good that they were honest and told you upfront. I thought the same thing too, I won't date a pwBPD because I've had a long history with it and I've had enough, but if someone is mentally ill ( other than BPD ) but they're taking care of themselves I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Where did you meet them?

I met them online, a site based on "compatibility" obviously they lied on filling out the forms

[Dontknow88]

Dontknow88 , 29% of the population has an addiction or diagnosable mental illness. And its stands to reason, the single pool over 30 is going to have a higher percentage.  This is why many here got "caught up" to begin with.

What is important is to be able to evaluate people and be willing to meet a lot of people. Fortunately, today, you can do that.

The Internet has changed the process of dating. It gives us a lot of choice, which is great, but the dating sites are designed to sell subscriptions, not matches. The design and software is designed for the former - we have to figure out how to navigate that in a rational way.

Do you know what values you seek in a partner?

Hello!, yes I do know the values I'm looking for in a partner. I actually met them online.

What are some other ways I can organically meet other people?. I've change some habits of mine that prevented me from meeting people naturally for example I don't go grocery shopping or walk around with my headphones in my ears anymore haha. It's like that that makes a huge difference.

I'm not desperate or anything but I know the kind of person that I am, i'm personally happy with my life I would like someone to share with I have so much love to give but I guess it's just a mix between a waiting game and putting myself out there.

[hurting300]

Some people here "claim" to only be unlucky enough to date people with a mental illness, that makes me want to ask? If EVERYONE you date is crazy in your opinion have you sit down and ask yourself some hard questions?

[letmeout]

I find it very strange, but I also seem to meet more personality disordered people than not on the dating sites. After a couple of dates, if you ask them the right questions, most of them mostly admit that they have issues. Then I run. LOL

 

[Lost-love-mind]

This forum is amazing. I'm more than 90 days out from the emotional breakup from the exBPD. Tomorrow will be my first in person date with someone I met online.
We had a long phone call yesterday. She is a widow with a daughter that just started college away. She works within 3 miles from where I live.
My exBPD was met online back in April and after a 2 month whirlwind (love bombing) relationship, she put Ann end to it abruptly and went NC. When she finally responded it was nothing but vile insults toward me, my age and my family mental health history.
I've already decided any new relationship has to be slow. I've read so much about PC's and have my own. I told the lady that I'm a conversational narcissistic and kept telling her that I was talking too much. Asked her a lot of questions.
I want companionship at this stage of my life as I turn 57 on Friday. Romance and intimacy can wait.
It is possible to date again, just take it slow.

[Dontknow88]

Some people here "claim" to only be unlucky enough to date people with a mental illness, that makes me want to ask? If EVERYONE you date is crazy in your opinion have you sit down and ask yourself some hard questions?

Relax it's not everyone, 3 guys including the father of my child. That's not everyone I've dated. Oh I'm asking is it would be nice to pick up signs but it's very hard in the beginning. I'm not gonna judge why you're here either. Have a good day

[Dontknow88]

This forum is amazing. I'm more than 90 days out from the emotional breakup from the exBPD. Tomorrow will be my first in person date with someone I met online.
We had a long phone call yesterday. She is a widow with a daughter that just started college away. She works within 3 miles from where I live.
My exBPD was met online back in April and after a 2 month whirlwind (love bombing) relationship, she put Ann end to it abruptly and went NC. When she finally responded it was nothing but vile insults toward me, my age and my family mental health history.
I've already decided any new relationship has to be slow. I've read so much about PC's and have my own. I told the lady that I'm a conversational narcissistic and kept telling her that I was talking too much. Asked her a lot of questions.
I want companionship at this stage of my life as I turn 57 on Friday. Romance and intimacy can wait.
It is possible to date again, just take it slow.

Taking it slow is the key!

[Dontknow88]

Why haven't you talked to him?

Because all the stories he told me and his confession of being bipolar. The story was extream and what he did to his ex wife was frightening .