6 year relationship, what happend and is this really over?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

    I came to this board in hopes of finding some closure on my own behalf.Upon reading through the symptoms of BPD I am almost certain my ex girlfriend has this condition. I had no idea how serious it was until it was too late.Any input is greatly appreciated, I am 27 and my ex is 28.We met when i was 20 and she was 21 at community college she worked at star bucks i asked her out started dating.This was my first relationship so i didn't know what to expect.

   The first thing i noticed was emotional outbursts of anger- small little episodes lasting only a few seconds which i quickly defused.She explained to me that she unfortunate things happen in her past... She was molested by  her brother twice and 4 of her sisters were molested by her father... And that she didnt trust men because of it. But she said she felt she could trust me. Said i was good nature d  and kind.She would complain alot about things... I would try to comply with her demands as they got more difficult and I couldn't keep up they turned into verbal attacks on my person and self worth... .  She was on and off Efexor an anxiety medication... She would have episodes of anger to which there was no calming her and i would leave the room or leave her alone then come back and she would act like everything was normal... .  She was very opinionated about everything i did my clothes my friends my family my future my job my thinking... all were subject to her opinion and they were all disapproved... we must have broken up atleast a dozen times in the past 6 years. She moved to seattle and i stayed in eastern washington for a time... I eventually moved to cwu and went to college which was only 2.5 hours from seattle she urged me that i do something with myself and suggested college... This seemed fine at first then she was upset that i didnt know what classes i was taking and accused me of just going through college and having no idea of what i was doing... I told her I had seen a academic advisor and knew my major was sociology... she put me down for it, what good is that gonna do you? She wanted me to move in with her go to college and start a family I kept my distance from her because i was uncertain how we could get along... she was sweet sometimes but it only lasted a little bit she was very manipulative about getting her way... I eventually moved in with her in seattle in the winter and worked for fedex 9 hour days for holiday season... After my work day ended I came in the door and was told to take out the trash and i havent done anything in the house all day and im a freeloader... then i was told i stink take a bath and take my shoes off... I would take a shower in the small studio apartment and sometimes get water on the floor and she would come unglued... and yell and scream at me... This took a toll on me I would get high blood pressure and start panicking hyperventilating and what felt like a seizure... .  I felt compelled to please her make her happy when she was happy everything was ok and there was no fights... .  she had major anger issues and would slap or hit me on the arm at times... she had no way of controlling herself... .  now her family was very kind to me and all of her sisters husbands gave me props for putting up with her and taking care of her... I must have spent thousands$$ on her bills car and taken her out on trips and outings... .  I felt very much involved with her yet numb and couldn't feel anything i started to drink Vitamin R heavily. That's (raineir beer). She could never hold down a job for more than a couple of months owes 4  community colleges over 30k in student loans shes horrible with money... but had no problem asking me for mine... Now in a nutshell this was her worst... she was very appreciative when she got her way of course... I felt like i was being pushed by her all the time... and would want to get away then i found myself coming right back for more abuse... my brain needed it i was addicted to her love with conditions... .  well 4 weeks ago we ended it with the help of a relationship therapist... we had the 4 horse men of the apocalypse in our relationship  .Stonewalling, contentment,defensiveness,criticism... .  she had been living with her sister for 6 months who is married and has 4 kids...   she told me that she couldnt help her... and that she has to get help on her own... .  

She strongly urged me to leave her sister and said she was dangerous... .  My ex decided to end it when i stood up for myself one night 4 weeks ago and told her that she was being manipulative  and screamed at me shouted me down and didn't care about my feelings...

I was trying to make her happy and neglected myself all those years... .  the therapist asked me in private if my ex had been diagnosed with any mental condition ? I replied i think she has something i dont know.During our last therapy session my ex gf said she has been using me because she needed me financially and supportive and that she drag it out and its her fault... .  and then replied that she loves me and always will ... Now I don't know what to believe anymore with her.

Does this sound like someone with BPD? and does it appear that there are other symptoms as well here ? what do i need to be aware of ? I was her first boyfriend in her life... Do i need to be aware that she will contact me in the future?

I am trying to repair my mind and gain positive thinking again... its taking some time...

[Easygoing]

    I came to this board in hopes of finding some closure on my own behalf.Upon reading through the symptoms of BPD I am almost certain my ex girlfriend has this condition. I had no idea how serious it was until it was too late.Any input is greatly appreciated, I am 27 and my ex is 28.We met when i was 20 and she was 21 at community college she worked at star bucks i asked her out started dating.This was my first relationship so i didn't know what to expect.

   The first thing i noticed was emotional outbursts of anger- small little episodes lasting only a few seconds which i quickly defused.She explained to me that she unfortunate things happen in her past... She was molested by  her brother twice and 4 of her sisters were molested by her father... And that she didnt trust men because of it. But she said she felt she could trust me. Said i was good nature d  and kind.She would complain alot about things... I would try to comply with her demands as they got more difficult and I couldn't keep up they turned into verbal attacks on my person and self worth... .  She was on and off Efexor an anxiety medication... She would have episodes of anger to which there was no calming her and i would leave the room or leave her alone then come back and she would act like everything was normal... .  She was very opinionated about everything i did my clothes my friends my family my future my job my thinking... all were subject to her opinion and they were all disapproved... we must have broken up atleast a dozen times in the past 6 years. She moved to seattle and i stayed in eastern washington for a time... I eventually moved to cwu and went to college which was only 2.5 hours from seattle she urged me that i do something with myself and suggested college... This seemed fine at first then she was upset that i didnt know what classes i was taking and accused me of just going through college and having no idea of what i was doing... I told her I had seen a academic advisor and knew my major was sociology... she put me down for it, what good is that gonna do you? She wanted me to move in with her go to college and start a family I kept my distance from her because i was uncertain how we could get along... she was sweet sometimes but it only lasted a little bit she was very manipulative about getting her way... I eventually moved in with her in seattle in the winter and worked for fedex 9 hour days for holiday season... After my work day ended I came in the door and was told to take out the trash and i havent done anything in the house all day and im a freeloader... then i was told i stink take a bath and take my shoes off... I would take a shower in the small studio apartment and sometimes get water on the floor and she would come unglued... and yell and scream at me... This took a toll on me I would get high blood pressure and start panicking hyperventilating and what felt like a seizure... .  I felt compelled to please her make her happy when she was happy everything was ok and there was no fights... .  she had major anger issues and would slap or hit me on the arm at times... she had no way of controlling herself... .  now her family was very kind to me and all of her sisters husbands gave me props for putting up with her and taking care of her... I must have spent thousands$$ on her bills car and taken her out on trips and outings... .  I felt very much involved with her yet numb and couldn't feel anything i started to drink Vitamin R heavily. That's (raineir beer). She could never hold down a job for more than a couple of months owes 4  community colleges over 30k in student loans shes horrible with money... but had no problem asking me for mine... Now in a nutshell this was her worst... she was very appreciative when she got her way of course... I felt like i was being pushed by her all the time... and would want to get away then i found myself coming right back for more abuse... my brain needed it i was addicted to her love with conditions... .  well 4 weeks ago we ended it with the help of a relationship therapist... we had the 4 horse men of the apocalypse in our relationship  .Stonewalling, contentment,defensiveness,criticism... .  she had been living with her sister for 6 months who is married and has 4 kids...   she told me that she couldnt help her... and that she has to get help on her own... .  

She strongly urged me to leave her sister and said she was dangerous... .  My ex decided to end it when i stood up for myself one night 4 weeks ago and told her that she was being manipulative  and screamed at me shouted me down and didn't care about my feelings...

I was trying to make her happy and neglected myself all those years... .  the therapist asked me in private if my ex had been diagnosed with any mental condition ? I replied i think she has something i dont know.During our last therapy session my ex gf said she has been using me because she needed me financially and supportive and that she drag it out and its her fault... .  and then replied that she loves me and always will ... Now I don't know what to believe anymore with her.

Does this sound like someone with BPD? and does it appear that there are other symptoms as well here ? what do i need to be aware of ? I was her first boyfriend in her life... Do i need to be aware that she will contact me in the future?

I am trying to repair my mind and gain positive thinking again... its taking some time...

[Easygoing]

No one wants to help ? wonder why?

[Easygoing]

Any takers ? In really curious and could use a point of view...

[laelle]

Its ok Easygoing,

There are alot of us here who just read or give advice for a specific question, but really arent the people to be giving advice on your heart felt post and broad spectrum questions.  Dont worry, there are some fantastic pros here who I am sure will chime in when able.  Until then.   

I know its difficult for you.  BPD is a devastating disease.  We have all been and or are in the boat right next to you.

[Vindi]

you do sound like you put up with alot... .  and unless she has been diagnosed, even though this sounds like BPD it could be or maybe bipolar. Either way, think of the way she treats you, is it healthy?

So from what I read, you are not living together and has the relationship ended?

I hear alot of physcial abuse, even slapping you on the hand, that counts... .  and tons of emotional drainage/abuse.

Even her sister urged you to leave her (your gf at the time).

Is this your 1st real relationship with a woman alos?

And from alot of other posts, I bet she will contact you in the future, unless she has already recycled and found someone new to take advantage of.

You seem to have lost alot in this relationship, along with financial money, emotional investments with her and your sanity.

Please keep seeing your therapist, it all helps and keep posting.

Do you really want to get back with her, and why?

[hithere]

Regardless of what she has it is obvious you had a terrible relationship.  You named tons of really bad things and the only positive thing you said is that she could be sweet for a short-time.  Why would you want to be in this type of relationship?  Are you in therapy? If not, you should be... .  it will help you figure out things.

You wasted a lot of years with this person but you are very young,move on and don't waste any more time.

[Easygoing]

Thank you all you posted, I am not seeing her anymore been 4 weeks sometimes I just sit and think about what I did wrong and it's really sick for me to do that... Which is why I finally made the effort to post here understanding that she is not healthy helps my thinking and healing progress... I think it will take alot of time and positive reinforcement to heal... Weather she has BPD or not . I have to fix myself anyone have any pointers to build self esteem and self worth again ?