I Scream, you Scream, we all Scream for Ice Cream

[jellibeans]

My dd15 has been home now for  month and she has not SI or run away but she still rages at me. I am better prepared to end these kind of encounters now... . before we would have argued for hours and she would have gotten more and more upset. Last night she was angry at me and she was doing a lot of yelling. I told her we need to end this and talk about it later and after telling me to shut up etc... . she did walk away and I had no further abuse.

I have to say I was very sad after this encounter because I really felt she was out of control and her anger was directed at me but I really feel she was angry with someone else. She has had a falling out with one of her friends... . it is really her only friend and she blames me but I had nothing to do with it. She was angry with me because I would not take her to go get ice cream. She had clean my office earlier in the night and around 9:30pm she asked and really demanded I take her for ice cream. I told her I was too tired to go out and could she ask her dad. She wanted me to take her and no one else. When I said no she started raging and she was very nasty to me.

Now here is where I need advise... . the other day I decided because my dd didn't need to be in summer school after all that I would take her to Canada to visit my family... . I am questioning now if that was a good decision on my part. What was I thinking that I could behave like a normal family and take a vacation. The tickets were pricey but i thought it would be good for the two of us to go and see family etc... . does any one have some advise for me? This raging out of no where really set me back a bit... . until this I was looking forward to the trip but now I am fearful.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

jellibeans:  I have a few questions : Does you family know about DD's issues?  How does your daughter normally react with others around.  My DD is not a big rager, but when she has it has only been when we are alone or just our immediate family is there.  I sit possible that your daughter would not display this kind of behavior around your family.

How does she feel about going on the vacation.  Is she excited to go?

Griz

[twojaybirds]

jellibeans I wish had some great idea to share but I don't.  In fact I have that fear thus won't vacation with my dd.  

It seems the 'turn' can happen without warning or from ways you and I are not aware.

Is your family that you are visiting aware of her disorder?

Do they understand it?

Can you make a plan with them.

I have found my dd does not explode around other family members thus can you chunk her time so the two of you are not always together?

Let us know and looking for ideas from others as well!

[jellibeans]

Some of my family knows and some do not. My parents know my dd has been struggling but I have not told them everything because they are in their 80's amd i think it would kill my mom with worry. My two brothers know and some of their kids. I had an issue when one neice visited last year and advise my dd to stop taking her meds... . prozac... . told her it was bad for her. I had not told my neice of her problems in detail and in hinesight maybe I should have because she caused a great deal of trouble for me and was pretty reckless with her advice.

I think I will try and speak with my family so they don't try and give advice or ask too many questions. She usually acts better when there are others around but not always.

My dd is excited about going on vacation and excited to see family. She is bored to tears here at home because she has no friends at all right now... . she is sleeping a lot and laying in bed a lot of the time. I feel this has contributed to her bad mood and angry outbursts.

Today she had a session with her T and she seems up beat and positive. I will try and formulate a plan. Thank you griz and twojaybirds

[six]

jellibeans

I can so identify with your experience.  In my case, my DS25 almost never rages in front of anyone but me, dh and my other kids.  the grandparents almost never see it, and they always say to me, what are you talking about? he is so great!

last year, we went on vacation to see the family and my parents punched his buttons and for the first time, they saw what we see all the time.  I actually felt like it was positive for the family to "get it,"  although, i did try to explain to my parents what behaviors trigger him, and I have noticed that they are now very careful around him.  it is true that you are not part of a "normal" family. but that does not mean you cant enjoy a vacation. 

I think, for me the key is to let go of the need to be normal and just to realize that this is our reality and we are doing the best we can with it.

and to keep praying for help knowing what is the next right step

good luck

I hope it works out for you

[jellibeans]

six... . that is good advise... . I think for too long we have not done things because we were afraid what dd would do... . fear has kept me and my family from doing a lot of things.