more contact.

[mitchell16]

well in addition to texts and phone calls this week which I maintain NC. My exBPDgf sent a very thoughtful and touching email today. It was very nice. She basically said Mitchell, I just wanted to tell you Im sorry how I treated you and how I never made an effort to be a apart of your life. You mitchell did all those things for me and You was always very good to me. You treated me good and I treated to you bad. I will not contact ypu again becuase I want you to be happy and It looks like you are. I just wanted to wish you the best and tell you I will always love you and I will find someone just like you or I will be alone. Take care and know I will alway love you.

Im scrathcing me head. It was nice and it brought tears to my eyes. It doesnt make me want a recycle, but it makes me wonder why do they have these moments of clarity once we finally close the door?

she then sent another one asking that I take down some pictures on my social media because it makes her think she has a chance to get me back. This is such a confusing disorder. My heart hurts for her but I also know she caused all her own pain involving our relationship. I never cheated on her, lied to her, i was supportive, caring and I bent over backwards so i do have peace at my heart and mind that I didnt hurt her.

I wonder was this her attmept at closure? or a recycle attempt or just her clearing the air. It doesnt matter im not changing the course im on for her ever again.

[Raybo48]

It's hard to say what she's attempting to do.  What she wrote you is pretty revealing for a BPD.  In the beginning of my rs with my BPDx she wrote me a 4 page letter that was just as touching so it does make you scratch you head at what the motives are.   

They are not "bad" people so it's not like they spit venom 24/7, and although I believe they are wired differently than we are there is still good in them of course.

But bottom line looking from afar... .looks like a manipulation attempt to recycle to me.

[thatwasthat]

To be honest... .I think they have "moments of clarity." Although very rarely.

One stands out.

She broke up with me, she had already devalued me and we were basically not talking, except her criticizing me for everything etc.

One night, she had left, I found a letter on my pillow. It was a break up letter.

Yeah, it hurt a lot and left me confused. But at the same time it was genuine, not accusing me of anything. Yes, she didn't bring up a solid reason for breaking up. But other than that the letter was what you would expect from a "sane" person. It was respectful, thanking me for the best times of her life but that it is over now. She closed the letter saying "no matter what happens, please don't forget that i truly loved you. I hope you can one day forgive me all this."

I don't think it was an attempt at manipulating me into sitting on hold, since she wrote that she apologizes for not breaking up in person. But that I would never understand the "why" and would never be able to accept, so she has to go that route. So she tried to make a clear cut there.

I think they have their clear moments. And this letter was the most sincere thing she ever said to me.

But they are too rare to build on them.

In retrospect I try to "forget" what happened after and look at the letter as the moment of the break up. Seeing it as sincere helps me tremendously with closure.

[Raybo48]

To be honest... .I think they have "moments of clarity." Although very rarely.

One stands out.

She broke up with me, she had already devalued me and we were basically not talking, except her criticizing me for everything etc.

One night, she had left, I found a letter on my pillow. It was a break up letter.

Yeah, it hurt a lot and left me confused. But at the same time it was genuine, not accusing me of anything. Yes, she didn't bring up a solid reason for breaking up. But other than that the letter was what you would expect from a "sane" person. It was respectful, thanking me for the best times of her life but that it is over now. She closed the letter saying "no matter what happens, please don't forget that i truly loved you. I hope you can one day forgive me all this."

I don't think it was an attempt at manipulating me into sitting on hold, since she wrote that she apologizes for not breaking up in person. But that I would never understand the "why" and would never be able to accept, so she has to go that route. So she tried to make a clear cut there.

I think they have their clear moments. But they are too rare to build on them.

Way too rare, like for every 20 crazy moments you might get one clear sane one.   

[myself]

It could be sincere. Momentarily.

More likely trying another angle of contact.

Can't come through the door? Try the window.

[Recooperating]

Mine would have the most sincere apologies and heartfelt ways to win me back. He would take responisbility, said what I wanted to hear only to go back to the same behaviour.

I've heared enough "sorries" to last me a life time.

But now im black again, im called a lesbian, a crazy person and god knows what.

Same behaviour he would apologize for.

Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull... .

[Raybo48]

Mine would have the most sincere apologies and heartfelt ways to win me back. He would take responisbility, said what I wanted to hear only to go back to the same behaviour.

I've heared enough "sorries" to last me a life time.

But now im black again, im called a lesbian, a crazy person and god knows what.

Same behaviour he would apologize for.

Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull... .

I'm pretty sure once they are done idealizing you in the beginning and you are in the nuts and bolts of the relationship they can't control their true self for more than a day or two; or less as was in the case of my ex.

We'd have a great day after a fight and then she'd completely sabotage the evening.   She would promise "to do better" and then the same pattern would return. Or even worse because of her addiction she would swear to me that she had remorse for driving drunk in my town and would never do it again only to do it just a few days later.

[Deeno02]

Mine would have the most sincere apologies and heartfelt ways to win me back. He would take responisbility, said what I wanted to hear only to go back to the same behaviour.

I've heared enough "sorries" to last me a life time.

But now im black again, im called a lesbian, a crazy person and god knows what.

Same behaviour he would apologize for.

Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull... .

I'm pretty sure once they are done idealizing you in the beginning and you are in the nuts and bolts of the relationship they can't control their true self for more than a day or two; or less as was in the case of my ex.

We'd have a great day after a fight and then she'd completely sabotage the evening.   She would promise "to do better" and then the same pattern would return. Or even worse because of her addiction she would swear to me that she had remorse for driving drunk in my town and would never do it again only to do it just a few days later.

Hell, it was always my fault. I was always the one to have to do better, not her. Treat me special or lose me. I finally was broken and dumped when I failed.

[Raybo48]

Mine would have the most sincere apologies and heartfelt ways to win me back. He would take responisbility, said what I wanted to hear only to go back to the same behaviour.

I've heared enough "sorries" to last me a life time.

But now im black again, im called a lesbian, a crazy person and god knows what.

Same behaviour he would apologize for.

Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull... .

I'm pretty sure once they are done idealizing you in the beginning and you are in the nuts and bolts of the relationship they can't control their true self for more than a day or two; or less as was in the case of my ex.

We'd have a great day after a fight and then she'd completely sabotage the evening.   She would promise "to do better" and then the same pattern would return. Or even worse because of her addiction she would swear to me that she had remorse for driving drunk in my town and would never do it again only to do it just a few days later.

Hell, it was always my fault. I was always the one to have to do better, not her. Treat me special or lose me. I finally was broken and dumped when I failed.

Dude, you didn't fail at anything... .Just like you didn't fail in the service.  You got caught up in a no-win-situation with all the best intentions in the world.  We all did.  I think this hurts like a B*** because we had such good intentions, we loved, we cherished, you accepted her kids as your own I bet, and then the rug got pulled out from under you. It's gotta be like falling from the plan with the safety chute as your last option... .it's a helpless feeling!

[Deeno02]

Mine would have the most sincere apologies and heartfelt ways to win me back. He would take responisbility, said what I wanted to hear only to go back to the same behaviour.

I've heared enough "sorries" to last me a life time.

But now im black again, im called a lesbian, a crazy person and god knows what.

Same behaviour he would apologize for.

Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull... .

I'm pretty sure once they are done idealizing you in the beginning and you are in the nuts and bolts of the relationship they can't control their true self for more than a day or two; or less as was in the case of my ex.

We'd have a great day after a fight and then she'd completely sabotage the evening.   She would promise "to do better" and then the same pattern would return. Or even worse because of her addiction she would swear to me that she had remorse for driving drunk in my town and would never do it again only to do it just a few days later.

Hell, it was always my fault. I was always the one to have to do better, not her. Treat me special or lose me. I finally was broken and dumped when I failed.

Dude, you didn't fail at anything... .Just like you didn't fail in the service.  You got caught up in a no-win-situation with all the best intentions in the world.  We all did.  I think this hurts like a B*** because we had such good intentions, we loved, we cherished, you accepted her kids as your own I bet, and then the rug got pulled out from under you. It's gotta be like falling from the plan with the safety chute as your last option... .it's a helpless feeling!

Im slowly realizing I didnt fail. I failed in her eyes. That was the nail in the coffin... .

[antelope]

More likely trying another angle of contact.

Can't come through the door? Try the window.

bingo^^

remember, they're salesmen with their words... .their actions, however, are another matter 

[mitchell16]

i felt like it was just anotehr approach cause nothing else was working. I had ignored all her attmepts at contact, she had family contact me, I ignored, she contact thru tetx, phone calls and email and I ignored. but this was a diffrent type letter. It was nice but i smelled manuplation.

[outside9x]

I agree, that they are truly not evil people, and that's what makes it hard, but they treat others so terribly and it hurts, and even though they could be genuine about their emotions and want you back, my experience has been after 7-8 breakup, they revert back and it actually got worst, at least for me, and I am sure others will agree because they really can't help what's boils and hurts inside them.  

You can feel sorry for them but that does no good.  They can destroy you with their actions due to their fears.  Their adoration for you and their hatred for you are part of BPD.  Its not just the bad side, it's the good side , the one that's so over board.


Until they do their work, seek help, fix themselves and are dedicated to that, there is nothing but trouble ahead in my opinion and from my experience, and I know, that's sad but true.

Take care, hang in there.