I'm a coward

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

He is "trying to talk" which means he's telling me why I'm wrong, why he's right, how stupid I am.  So I walk away. And he says "yeah, run away coward". 

I'm not a coward for walking away from someone who's been out to get me all day, am I?

And tomorrow is his birthday and he's throwing a childish fit because I didn't do something and give him a good day for his birthday, because he always does for me (not true).  He ruins every single birthday to the point where I never want to celebrate another one.   We a're broke now, just got the water turned back on and he is throwing a fit like a toddler.

[Smileypants]

He is "trying to talk" which means he's telling me why I'm wrong, why he's right, how stupid I am.  So I walk away. And he says "yeah, run away coward". 

I'm not a coward for walking away from someone who's been out to get me all day, am I?

And tomorrow is his birthday and he's throwing a childish fit because I didn't do something and give him a good day for his birthday, because he always does for me (not true).  He ruins every single birthday to the point where I never want to celebrate another one.   We a're broke now, just got the water turned back on and he is throwing a fit like a toddler.

[Mutt]

Hi smileypants,

I'm sorry your going through this. A pwBPD view the world as a scary place and have difficulties seeing the grey areas, in people and themselves.

They emotionally merge with someone and a defense mechanism that they use to dispel negative feelings about themselves ( feelings of self-worth, shame, guilt ) and project those feelings on loved ones.

You're not a coward and not responsible for someone else's feelings  I think you did the right thing with walking away if he's displaying highly dysfunctional behavior.

Could you have reasoned logic in this emotional state?

[Aurylian]

I agree that it is not cowardly to enforce boundaries.  Quite the opposite.  It takes strength to do that. 

I would encourage you to grow even stronger using the tools and continuing to learn by posting here.  Learning good communication skills helps you be bolder, but in a loving way. 

[vortex of confusion]

You are not being a coward at all. It takes great strength to walk away.

Also, remember he is probably trying to push your buttons and get you to engage. If he calls you a coward and you engage with him to defend yourself, then he gets what he wants, whether it is attention, to fight, to get his negative feelings out, or something else.