Maybe they are a distraction from our own lives...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just a thought of why we attach to them so much. I am trying to figure out why they are so important after they begin to treat us with disrespect. I believe my exBPD needed my attention 99% of my day. Even when my cat would hop on the bed in the mornings she would say the cats name in kind of a jealous way. So now that I don't have my ex to think about constantly, I am forced to think about my own life. I think figuring out my own life and it's "purpose" is more terrifying than being her assistant/butler/friend. Thus she was a major distraction from all the things that I need to take care of. Thoughts?

[Emotions]

Just a thought of why we attach to them so much. I am trying to figure out why they are so important after they begin to treat us with disrespect. I believe my exBPD needed my attention 99% of my day. Even when my cat would hop on the bed in the mornings she would say the cats name in kind of a jealous way. So now that I don't have my ex to think about constantly, I am forced to think about my own life. I think figuring out my own life and it's "purpose" is more terrifying than being her assistant/butler/friend. Thus she was a major distraction from all the things that I need to take care of. Thoughts?

[roberto516]

Only for myself. But before the relationship I was certain I didn't want to be in a relationship again. I was definitely avoidant... .even of doing anything with her. But she kind of broke those walls down with seduction/attention. Before her I had goals, desires, was going to therapy, looking at myself, and all the things I wanted to improve upon emotionally, etc.

I think where I went wrong was falling for the "victim" role who needed a caretaker. I obviously hadn't done enough work on myself to see those warning signs but she was much better than my ex. Or so I thought. She had a job,condo, hobbies, wasn't an addict (well... .maybe).

Anyway, I think it was just the idealization got me addicted. Literally rewired my brain. After that it was all she wrote. I was chasing the high in a desperate attempt that the love would come back. So in a way, yeah, by staying with her I didn't have to go through the painful process of withdrawal. No matter how bad it got.