Do BPD exes come back?

[LifeIsOn]

Im just curious if they do come back or not. Just wondering. People say they NEVER go back to an ex even if they were the best person for them. Is that true?

Thanks! 

[realityhurts]

brad,

That's almost a scary question. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that they NEVER go back to an ex. Mine did, we recycled and there are plenty of stories on these boards of countless recycles.

If my ex came back and said the right words then I've have her back in an instant.   

[LifeIsOn]

What I mean on that one is that if you look online about BPD and many posts say they never come back to an ex. how long was she gone for. why did you guys break up in the first place?

[realityhurts]

Well, anecdotally the evidence suggests that they do come back.

When I broke up with my ex the first time she came back after 4 months... I was absolutely determined to get her back, it was a very difficult period for me, I'd just lost my mother and despite the evidence otherwise I assumed that I must have had some sort of personality transplant... I made every excuse in the book for her.

Why did we break up? because she is an extremely low functioning BPD waif who projected all of her problems onto me and I'm her codependent... That's the short answer. The long answer would be a novel.

[StillInShock]

After almost three months post b/u... .my ex fiance came back last week telling me that he is in love with someone but he misses our love making... .he sent me more than 30 emails convincing me to be his mistress... .telling me he will meet with me every week and we can have a lot of fun... .but no relationship... .coz he is in love with "the one"

I have never felt so sick or disgusted in my whole life as I felt when he said he loves her but wants us to continue our sexual relationship... .this man knows nothing about love  

Forgot to mention... .he told me last week that she was my replacement toward the end of our r/s... .he cheated on me with her and now he wants to cheat on her with me

[runninggal81]

Im just curious if they do come back or not. Just wondering. People say they NEVER go back to an ex even if they were the best person for them. Is that true?

Thanks! 

It seems like the answer depends on the reasons for the split (was there someone else?), as well as the functioning level of the BPD and the non. Since my BPDx and I don't have mutual friends and we don't even live or work in the same part of town, it's very easy not to interact with him. I may miss him terribly, but I've had no problem keeping NC. I'm sure if I saw him at the bar every weekend I'd have a harder time with it.

I was convinced that I was never going to see my ex again... .and he rolls up at my doorstep at 8:30 on a Sunday morning, almost a year after we broke up, to drop off some stuff I left over at his place. I was pretty resilient at that point, so I wasn't trying to hear any attempts to re-engage. I don't know if that counts as "coming back," but I made it clear that there wasn't any of that happening.

[LifeIsOn]

Oh Im sorry about your break ups.

StillinShock

Im so sorry that you had to go through that too. I was once engaged to my exBPD as well but she never done that. we been split up for about 4 months now. I cut her off 2 months ago. Couldnt take her drama anymore. NC is the way to do it to rebuild yourself.

runninggal81

Yeah, But I personally moved on from my exBPD fiance. she got attracted to her womanizer boss and they been dating for about 3 months now. He convinced her to leave me because I was no good to her but I was really good to my ex and her friends love me still. She put herself in a bad situation of a combo of womanizer and boss. It will end up horrible.

Dont get me wrong, I still love my ex but I had to move on because I was not living. I was dating a girl that liked me a lot after the break up and was physically abused me for about a month half. I was at my lowest when it happened and there were red flags then I finally realized that I was not living anymore so I ended it because it was not fair and I was tired of it. My exBPD never abused me but emotionally. I told my ex I would be there for her if she ever needed me and I parted my way and that was when I cut her off. To be honest, If she ever came back and she found out she made a mistake, I would take her back but would take therapy to help and work things out. I understand why she did it. took me long time to figure it out and found out it was because womanizers make women with low self esteem feel understood. The sad truth on that, it changes with womanizers and soon her BPD will come out of the shell. She told me she still loves me very much still and I do too but I had to move on. Im not fully yet but better than I was months back. Im happier now but still miss her and its normal.

However Im doing this because my friend had a exBPD who just broke up with him and now dating her boss who is also a womanizer too. I was shocked because very similar to what happened to mine. He wanted to know if they ever come back and I couldnt answer him that because my never did or hasnt. Im doing this to see if there is proof that they have. Im also helping him recover because I know how it felt and I give him advices. He helped me when I went through it. He wants her back as well. All I say is if it is meant to be, it is meant to be she will come back but was not sure with BPD tho so thats why i asked

[diotima]

Brad: the best thing for you would be if she never contacted you again. Since they do not grieve a r/s, they often come back when they need a "spare," when they have no new soul mate on the horizon. This is especially so for the serial cheaters. They like to keep a "bank account" of possible new hosts. People are objects to them--for meeting whatever need they feel they have in the moment. I was recycled three times and didn't let it happen a fourth time. Each time I was hurt more and the last time I was devastated. You really, really are better off if she leaves you totally alone. It is hard to predict. Some BPDs come back and do the recycle thing and some are gone for ever. They are not predictable. In time your longing for her will subside and in even more time you won't want this. I see you have taken steps to save yourself from the drama and chaos and pain.

Diotima

[LifeIsOn]

diotima66

Im so sorry about what happened with yours. She tries to contact me but was 3 weeks ago. I didnt reply. I had to so I could work on myself and my career and my career has taken off big time. I told myself I wouldnt be a back up so thats when I stopped talking to her. I have made process. my longing for her has got smaller but in time im sure it will be gone. I have told myself that if she came back later on, I might not want her back by then. Its All About Time.

Im helping my friend as well on it.

[LifeIsOn]

Im looking for stories of when an exBPD came back after leaving for someone else when they found out the other person wasnt the right one. I know they tend to do the recycle thing. Im just looking for stories of successful one. I just interested and thought the topic be a fun one to find out. 

[diotima]

Hey Brad: sounds like your head's on straight and I am happy to hear your career has taken off. What a good place to put your attention. No, I won't be a spare either! I suspect that later on you will not want her and will be very happy to have gotten rid of her. I miss my ex less and less as time goes on.

Diotima

[LifeIsOn]

Yes its straight now as Im a graphic designer and have a lot of successful in the field. About a month after we broke up, I was involved in a hit n run when crossing a parking lot and was left laying on the ground and I almost died from it. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. When I recovered, the last time I saw my ex in person. I told her the story of what happened. She start crying. I was like why did she cry? I thought people with BPD dont feel or remorse the past. That always sticked to my head because her friends found out and asked if I was ok and found out that she spoke to me and they say she still says good things for me and misses me and blah blah but that was 2 months ago... when I cut her off . I thought they didnt remorse or feel for their ex. odd

[LifeIsOn]

after the break ups I mean... she cried many times during the relationship and she always recovered.

[diotima]

They don't feel remorse. If anything they feel shame and (threatened) abandonment. Whatever it is, it is about them. However, one thing I noticed with my ex is that he could identify with other people's pain under one condition: that he didn't cause it. If your ex saw you in pain and cried it was over something she didn't do. Sure, they can miss us. My ex told me several times that he missed me and I am sure he did and maybe even does. That's not the same as feeling responsible for the crap they do.

Diotima

[nparade]

I think I'm kind of going through the same thing.  I'm getting these "contacts" that can lead toward intimacy.  But two weeks ago, I was told not to tell anyone that we had even met for lunch because "of personal reasons I will tell you later".  This week, I am told it is not secret.  When I asked why it was secret one week and not the next, she would only reply "isn't it obvious?" and then not elaborate.  I don't know, and it breaks my heart.

After almost three months post b/u... .my ex fiance came back last week telling me that he is in love with someone but he misses our love making... .he sent me more than 30 emails convincing me to be his mistress... .telling me he will meet with me every week and we can have a lot of fun... .but no relationship... .coz he is in love with "the one"

I have never felt so sick or disgusted in my whole life as I felt when he said he loves her but wants us to continue our sexual relationship... .this man knows nothing about love  

Forgot to mention... .he told me last week that she was my replacement toward the end of our r/s... .he cheated on me with her and now he wants to cheat on her with me

[slvr6543]

Brad


Hey Brad It really depends on the situation. My ex BPD gf left me a total of 4 times in 3 years... The first 2 times she left for about 3 weeks... .the 3rd time she left and moved in with a guy like 3 days later and a couple of weeks later came back and told me that she didn't like the guy she just needed a place to say and that she still loved me and yada yada yada... Stupidly i took her back after 3 times. 4 months later she left me again and moved in with another guy 2 days after we split. It has now been 3 months since the split but I found out her new relationship only lasted 2 months and then they split and now are back together. She called me around the time they broke up and asked where I was living but I made it very clear that I was staying at my parents house till I buy my house and I have not heard from her since.

What I am saying is it depends on THEIR situation. THEIR needs. Its never going to be about you or how they feel about you. Its going to be about how you could benefit them, as its always about them. If your asking if she will ever come back for your own interest (wanting her to come back) your asking for trouble. As hard as it is to let go thats what needs to happen. I know how hard it is, I am going through it as well but its for the best in the long run. All your going to do is set yourself up for more pain. Try and suck it up and keep thinking about all the horrible things that happen and keep busy. I loved my ex more than anything in this world and its tuff to let go but we have no other choice... .

take care

[LifeIsOn]

ah gotcha. I just wonder why she cried all the way back home. she lives two hours from me now. She was going to see her friend after seeing me but I later found out that she went straight home and her friend said that she cried the whole ride home. Her friend thinks that she cried because I could have been killed and wouldnt be alive anymore and that she still cant bare to lose me because I was a huge part of her life. I remember one night when I asked her about a text that I personally knew she lied about and she started crying because that was the very first time she ever lied to me in our relationship. I didnt feel sorry or anything. She never said anything about abandonment to me in our relationship. I know that she grew up in our relationship because I taught her so much and we had same taste in everything. She still does and I have discarded things I learned from her or hobbies that she enjoyed. It was the past so I wanted new things.

My ex was never diagnosed with BPD but she shows signs of it but Im not for 100% sure. I know that my friend's ex is a BPD because she was diagnosed with one. I was mind f**ked for a while after the break up because I found out she was dating her boss who is a womanizer. Then I just gave up and moved on. She tried to stay in touch but I cold turkey cut her off. I realized that the way she was in my relationship (clingy, controlling, jealous) is a bad thing to have in a relationship with a boss or a womanizer. So I just know she chose a hard difficult road of a happy relationship that she will never have. I wished her well but I laugh about it because the boss doesn't have a clue what kind of storm is coming his way. BPD never change without therapy. He knows she has E.D. and depression.

All I know now that she quit her anti depression and now probably self medicating through booze as the boss loves the bar scene and drinks. She is trying to keep up with it and she will burn herself out. She never drank or rarely drank when we dated. I never drank or rarely because I am a recovering alcoholic and it was b4 she met me. She also been late for work and longer lunch breaks now (not everday) my good friend works with them so he told me and he thinks it wont last cuz he knows how the boss is a womanizer. I told my friend she made her choice and a bad one. I wish her well and she will regret that decision she made on it.

[LifeIsOn]

Slvr6543

Oh Im so sorry that you went through that. My ex never left me or broke up with me and we dated for 2 1/2 years. The first one was the last one . Im at the middle of want/dont want her back. I know it be bad. Yeah about two months after the break up I told myself that If I love her so much that I have to let her so so Im half way. I been focusing on myself the last two months. I loved my ex more than anything I ever had. I do remember the bad horror she put me through. was more of controlling. but we had alot of fun but I wish her well with her new womanizer boss haha. I tried to date a girl after the b/u and I noticed the red flags and got out of it quickly. I had to love myself again so glad im living again

[slvr6543]

@brad... .Just like your relationship my ex never talked about abandonment either for  3 years until about 4 days before we split. I was threatening to leave her and what she said was this... I need you... .I answered FOR WHAT... .she said " I can't do anything on my own... .Then 3 days later she left. Like your ex mine cried the whole time before she left and would say things like." I have cried for the last time over you". I wasn't doing her sht for her to be crying. She was on prozac but was never diagnosed either. In the end she blamed me for EVERYTHING. She has almost every single symptom except the cutting. She has full blown BPD and there is no doubt in my mind. They cry for their own reasoins. Guilt, ashamed, worrying etc... .but its all about them

[slvr6543]

That new relationship will never last. and like u I laugh because your right, That new guy has no clue what he is getting himself ijnto... Trust me that relatiosnship is doomed before it begins

[LifeIsOn]

Yeah, She never left or anything. we sticked together that whole time. We rarely ever fought. but we fought in the end. the break up I told her I was tired of it and we came to an agreement that it was good to end it because we couldn't work it out for that moment. She never said I need you or anything. She grew up cuz of me but when she moved to where she worked and met that boss, she stopped and became immature and I noticed the changes. Thats when the fighting began . I was going through alot of issues at that time. not finding a job and my family turned their back on me. My brain was not in the right place and I fought with her about the boss. We are enemies and hated each other well he hated me b4 he met me so i hated him afterwards. I saw his ways and his womanizing ways and i was disgusted. After I moved back. I got my career going and pretty damn successful now with my field. Got my clothing line going and Im doing things I couldnt do when I dated her. So it been a good ride but bumpy

Hahaha. Yeah I realized that later on and I was like Im going to have my popcorn and enjoy it haha. yeah it is doomed before it begins. Its probably going to cost her, her job and she thinks he understands her and I found out more about BPD and that they dont change ever without therapy so I felt better and understood that the relationship is headed to shtville anytime soon haha. If the boss is smart enough to see the red flags and be a womanizer... .he will end it haha. My ex didnt show the signs until maybe 4 or 5 months into our relationship (Clingy, Controlling, and Jealously)

but one of my friend is dating a womanizer boss and my friend as BPD so Im watching out for her but not my ex. but Im letting them both fall on their face to see that the grass is not greener on the other side.

[LifeIsOn]

My ex new relationship is in the idealization phase with the person with BPD feeling intensely connected to and positive about the other person, and wanting to spend a lot of time with this person. But, when the devaluation phase emerges, the person with BPD may see the other person as worthless, bad, or uncaring, and may attempt to distance herself from them. Funny... she never viewed me as worthless or bad or anything but she distanced herself but Im just gonna enjoy what the womanizer douche is gonna get hit by

[palch12]

I never thought my girlfriend would come back. We were together seemingly every hour of every day for at least four months and very suddenly it all ended. Around the time she got on new medicine and a new therapist and her life was looking up for the first time since I met her, she picked out a large number of things I had been doing wrong for months. I was mean, I didn't care  about her, I didn't love her. The heartbreak was tremendous and she refused to talk, see me, or even read my texts for weeks telling all her family and friends that I broke up with her.

I worked hard about fixing what things about myself she said were broken and proving it to her and we eventually got back together. I felt like, and still feel like to a large degree, that everything is my fault. This very cycle has happened twice and I have no doubt it will happen again in the future. The day she doesn't take me back and am forced to get over her is the day that my life begins to repair itself, I feel.

[LifeIsOn]

You guys dated for only 4 months? or she was gone for 4 months?

[LifeIsOn]

You guys together now or broke up again?

[diotima]

The day she doesn't take me back and am forced to get over her is the day that my life begins to repair itself, I feel.

Why are you giving her all the power? BPDs can string you along for a long, long time and keep you on the back burner while they have new r/s's. Do you want that?

Diotima

[palch12]

You guys dated for only 4 months? or she was gone for 4 months?

We were dating for 4 months at the time, very much an idealization phase. We are back together now and in total have been dating for about 12 months total. I just learned of this relationship cycle and it has repeated itself a couple times. I feel like she is more normal now than ever but we both have our own problems to figure out. Either way, I nearly killed myself with the grief that she would never come back to me and it was all my fault but eventually she did.

[LifeIsOn]

How long was she gone?

[Sword]

he sent me more than 30 emails convincing me to be his mistress... .telling me he will meet with me every week and we can have a lot of fun... .but no relationship... .coz he is in love with "the one"

I have never felt so sick or disgusted in my whole life as I felt when he said he loves her but wants us to continue our sexual relationship... .this man knows nothing about love  

Same here, the girl I loved wants to have a sexual relationship WITHOUT any emotion.  Afraid of attachment.  Every guys dream right?  For me it is a nightmare I am glad to be almost out of.

[myfault]

Hi all;

But how do you trust again?

I have been through 3 years, the last two married, to a guy who promises the moon in one breath and in the next is calling me a fu**ing btch in the next. I have lived the see-saw the jeckel and hyde, only to be fooled again and again and each time the "nice" times got shorter and shorter and the "angry" times got longer and longer.

You put your heart in the palm of your hand and hold it out for what? to have it slapped away each and every time. I'm leary of his "nice" times now, just waiting for the shoe to fall.

For example: When he and his daughter left it was supposed to be a trial seperation so we could date and see how things would work (his idea). then I find out not an hour later he is telling friends that he came home from work and out of the blue I had asked for a divorce.(It was sunday he doesn't work on sundays). An hour and a half later his mom calls me and says how nice it is that we are going to work out our differences.Then he calls me at work 1 week before christmas to say that he has put a retainer down on a lawyer for a divorce, asks if I am choked and when I say no hangs up on me only to call me back a half an hour later to see if we could meat for coffee to discuss the "lawyer" stuff, sure why not. He is sweet as pie, even cried about four times, told me how sorry he was for everything he had done to me and told me that he would never hit me, never! crying the entire time. Not once was the lawyer even mentioned. Then two hours later he is on the phone to his mom telling her how much of a btch I am... .back n forth... .how do you trust?

[diotima]

how do you trust?

You can't trust HIM, because he can't control himself and so what he says changes from moment to moment and erodes all the trust you might ever have tried to have in him. this does not mean that you will never be able to trust someone else. This push/pull on/off stuff makes us really crazy. Trusting a BPD is like handing the car keys to a three-year-old. I am really sorry about all the hurt, and I know how much it has hurt me to have kept on trying to trust someone who was simply incapable of being trustworthy--much as we may love and have loved certain qualities about them. It is wrenching.

Diotima

[Marathoncathy]

My ex broke up with me after two tumultuous years. During that time he lost his job and I partially $ supported him ... .as he went back to school. I did this because we were engaged and living together. He became more and more cold  emotionally abusive ... so I left him at Xmas. I still loved him... but could not take anymore of the abuse. I was with another guy over Xmas... and told him about it afterwards... I'm truthful and wanted to talk about possible reconciliation . He hit the roof, cut off all contact, changed his phone number, etc.

After that, I found our through his ex glance who was still friendly with the wife of his best friend... he is a sex addict... .and in fact had a secret sex life going on behind my back our whole relationship... as he had done with her as well. I was floored... I had no idea... .as we had been together every night and weekend. He must have been doing if during the day while I was working... and he was supposed to be at school. It wasn't normal cheating... it was Craigs list real deviant-hook up stuff... with transexuals,400lb women, suicide girls, etc. I'm sure he pushed me away to be with one or more pf these characters... full time .

As I was having no contact with me, after a period of grieving as if a family member had died... I recovered. I began to restructure my life and have fun again... including going back to swing dancing... As my ex never snared to dance with me. I stARted dating a couple guys out of my dance studio... I was functioning again and beginning to be happy. Then six months later he shows up at the monthly dance my studio puts on. I was late... per my friends... he had been at the bar drinking foe two hours... not talking to anyone. And of course... not dancing... there was no reason for him to be there other than to interface with me. I tried to be cordial to him... said let's just let bygones be bygones,,and started introducing him to my friends. He shortly went into a diatribe against me... that JE was the best thing I ever had,  I ruined his life, I made Jim sell his Hotrod (a lie... he did that on impulse ... I was against the sale... as he loved it so much)... made him sell his bike... .kitchen sinking me like you wouldn't believe... .he then danced with my GF in front of me to attempt to make me jealous... .(we laughed about that later)... .then left.  The same old irrational rages... .but I was dumbfounded... .as this time he sought memoir months and months later... to rage.

Can anyone explain  this behavior to me... it was two weeks ago and I have not heard from him since... I'm thinking Something is going wrong in his life... but how bizarre. He told me he had dropped out of school... this was two weeks ago... have not heard from him since. What gives... .btw... .no sort of apology for the betrayals... he knows I know... .went on and on ... that I cheated on him(after our break up!)... .what is my BPDx trying to tell me with all this?

[Whitefang]

Mine is back to her ex before me right now.

[leew2110]

I have been n & off with my ex for 6 years.

She has left on numerous occasions, once for 6 month then returned telling me she had been missing me the whole time etc. sometimes for a few weeks, other times a few month but she always came back eventually... We have been slit up for nearly 2 month now & she is still wont speak to me, even has started dating another man, hates me, telling lies about me to people while she looks so innocent. Yet time will tell.

Sad part is I actually want her to return and miss her even tho my brain tells me I shouldnt.

[Surrender]

I am finding myself in the strange land where finally my partner and I broke up and now I'm wondering if they resurface. After reading what everyone wrote I see clearly a pattern to their feeding behavior and need live vicariously through their supply source. I believed my partner was my soul mate and my best friend but now I'm starting to doubt all of it even though when he wasn't raging, abusive and a tyrant he was the most wonderful man alive. I've come to realize that my partner no matter how close I thought we were and how co-dependent we became together he is like an explosive diamond. In the course of 3 years he has broken off with me countless times and always phoned back.

I recall the longest time was for 3 weeks and suddenly he called me fuming and accusing me of not caring because I never bothered to call him, that I abandoned him. I had to remind him that he was the one that broke it off with me not the other way around. It didn't seem to matter because to him I was wrong for not reaching out and that meant that I never loved him.

Up until now I have always taken him back until this time that is. I started to see the brilliant sabotaging dynamite that he is and the fog is slowly lifting. He is dangerous no matter how genuine the nice personality is and the most dangerously toxic force I know. Loving me means destroying me literally in the process until I simply am no more. That isn't love and it is most certainly not a love I deserve. Abuse doesn't equal love and never will. I have to keep telling myself that and I can't help but comprehend that any contact with him at all will land me back in the center of his landmines.

Now as to whether they are truthful or not I can only speak for my guy. His thing is never lying and he makes sure that you know that he is always honest even if the truth hurts. Does that mean he is honestly telling me the truth even though I have not found any lies? Not at all. I believe that he believes and tries with all his might to be honest but like one of the other posters I too found out he is a sex addict, compulsive masturbator, porn addiction and has a history of sleeping with women he doesn't know without protection. Did he offer this piece of information to me? Absolutely not but he sure makes sure he shames me for the things I didn't tell him up front. Double standard all the way.

Will he be back? I believe that even though I believe that he wants to end this as much as I do he will get lonely enough and empty enough to not be able to resist the temptation of tapping into his old supply and self soothing.

I was his choice victim and a repeat customer. There is no doubt that he will be back but I find it fascinating and deadly all the same. I will say this however, my ex had one other soul mate - the only other woman he ever loved besides me. He has had only two relationships in his life myself and his first love 16 years ago. He saw how he was destroying her and after a year and a half found the strength to leave her for her own good. He was saving her life and he knew it. He loved her enough to do that even though back then he didn't know just how sick he was but he knew he was very ill and that something was wrong.

I know he is trying to do the same with me only it's harder this time around. He finds that he needs me more and that I became his normal base line by which he could get through life and all his torments. I know he is doing everything in his power to stay away for my own sake, to spare me and to save me. I don't question his love for me one bit and the torment thereof. I question who is more real however, the genuine lover of my soul or the abusive tyrant who has in 3 years caused me to have severe PTSD and nearly destroyed my life in many ways regardless of how much I love him or how much I tried.

I think he will try and stay away but he will buckle and he will want to come home. I am his home and his refuge as much as the genuine persona was/is mine.

Do I want to be recycled only to lose more precious time if the end result will always and inevitably be the same or do I want to give myself a chance at really being loved? I think I deserve to be really loved and not utterly twisted up in some sick version of love that amounts to and is undeniably abuse!

I love me too much too let him kill me with his love.

[harbinger70]

I'm not certain one way or another if my uBPDex will come back, but something tells me she might. She jumped into another relationship immediately after dumping me after we dated for only 7 weeks (together every single day of those 49 days). Her friends and family loved me and said I was great for her but in the end she still said she couldn't feel it. Her words were "You say I'm the woman of your dreams... but I don't know if you're the man of my dreams. I don't know if you'll EVER be the man of my dreams. And if I feel that way this early on in the relationship, then it's not gonna work."

She watched my IG stories minutes after I posted them everyday for two straight weeks until I contacted her and asked to see her. She said she didn't think it would be a good idea and said she enjoyed our time together, and wished me well. Nothing more. Then she blocked me. Not from ALL her IG pages (she has others) but from her personal one.

I get the sneaking suspicion that once this new relationship crashes and burns (as I know it inevitably will), she will consider going back to me. I doubt I would take her back, but I would be curious to talk to her now that I understand BPD more.

[judee]

BPD is just a cluster of behaviours that are present in all of us but amplified/exaggerated in someone with BPD.
I have gotten close to three people with BPD in my life: two exes (male) and one close female friend.
The cluster of exaggerated traits expresses itself differently depending on character I think..

To answer your question if they come back:
For example 3 BPD responds I experienced in three different people ( to the same issue)
Fear of abandonment/ rejection:

My female BPD friend would respond to it with retreating in her shell and keep on loving/adoring the person in question. She would compare date to him and not even feel like dating anymore. She believed in her love for him for years.
My ex would start with crying and say he is a loser and I could never love him. He also said that when he would leave someone he is the "out of sight out of heart " kind of person. He did leave me ( because he was afraid I would leave him) went back to his ex ( which he cheated with me on) the same day and never heard of him again.
My most recent BPD ex just disappears when he is abandonened. He would not return because the pain of rejection is too much. He openly expressed his heart was shattered but he will prevail. When he( we) tried it changed his whole attitude even though he wanted to rekindle. But I don't believe he is the out of sight out of heart kind of person.

So I think the character of the person also plays a big role in predicting their behaviour after a break up.. not just BPD.