back to a bad place

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

it has been over a year of NC with my BPD friend and former boss that luckily for me I knew in seduction phase wasn't the right thing to do to date but was a loyal and good friend , and it still played out like a relationship one day after she picking a verbal fight i took the bait of reacting and found myself painted black,and a push pull dance afterward, i found it best to go limited contact and finally full no contact by getting a transfer to a new location i sent an email wishing her well and this is for the best hope everything goes well , i knew it wouldn't get a response but i did it for closure for me and a little over a year later after being NC my new boss announces in our time of shorthanded staff issues a list of people who would be helping and she was one I thought why would she volunteer to come help in the place I am at ? she is quite vindictive so i doubt a civil meeting would be the result so  i asked my new boss to please schedule us apart for she knew there was some ill will from there , she agreed and thankfully my BPD was gone always by the time i got there so i thought good still mutual to stay away but my assistant boss did say she out of the blue did inquire about me and went on about how i wronged the prior workplace (i took this as wronging her) but he said my boss just blew it off and found it petty and changed subjects ,, i really don't know what would be going through her head to even the chance we could run into each other but i found it caused uneasiness and i have been on edge and moody i wanted to ask if my personal file and information be locked away for its all different but i didn't want to appear overly paranoid i weathered the storm and remain NC but at the same time it got me to point where i was taken out of my moving forward mindset with thoughts of the good times knowing those are gone might have been the point but i just hope even the chance of her presence is the last time it happens

[ghoststory]

it has been over a year of NC with my BPD friend and former boss that luckily for me I knew in seduction phase wasn't the right thing to do to date but was a loyal and good friend , and it still played out like a relationship one day after she picking a verbal fight i took the bait of reacting and found myself painted black,and a push pull dance afterward, i found it best to go limited contact and finally full no contact by getting a transfer to a new location i sent an email wishing her well and this is for the best hope everything goes well , i knew it wouldn't get a response but i did it for closure for me and a little over a year later after being NC my new boss announces in our time of shorthanded staff issues a list of people who would be helping and she was one I thought why would she volunteer to come help in the place I am at ? she is quite vindictive so i doubt a civil meeting would be the result so  i asked my new boss to please schedule us apart for she knew there was some ill will from there , she agreed and thankfully my BPD was gone always by the time i got there so i thought good still mutual to stay away but my assistant boss did say she out of the blue did inquire about me and went on about how i wronged the prior workplace (i took this as wronging her) but he said my boss just blew it off and found it petty and changed subjects ,, i really don't know what would be going through her head to even the chance we could run into each other but i found it caused uneasiness and i have been on edge and moody i wanted to ask if my personal file and information be locked away for its all different but i didn't want to appear overly paranoid i weathered the storm and remain NC but at the same time it got me to point where i was taken out of my moving forward mindset with thoughts of the good times knowing those are gone might have been the point but i just hope even the chance of her presence is the last time it happens

[Mutt]

Hi ghosstory,



It sounds like you have a good boss that can see that an employee is making an unsubstantiated complaint, your boss gives me the impression that the person may be objectionable. I think that's a good choice to not ask to have your file locked away. I agree with your boss that it's petty and your ex is probably just checking up on you but don't let your ex change your mindset with moving forward, it's a bump in the road.

[ghoststory]

yes thank you , the fact she made a bad impression on most she encountered and what was described didn't even sound like the person i knew just tells me she was just mirroring to me and i didn't really even know her that well at all so that helps a great deal thank you for responding ,

[heartandwhole]

Hi ghoststory,

I'd like to echo Mutt's reply and say that this is just a bump in the road, and to keep on keepin' on. You handled yourself well in this situation. There will be times when we feel a bit destabilized during detachment; that's okay and it's very normal. It doesn't mean that all the work you have done is in vain. Not at all. Keep feeling your feelings and moving forward with YOU (your detachment and new life) as the priority and you will be surprised how good you feel as time goes on.

And we're here for you anytime you need to process things.  

heartandwhole

[ghoststory]

thank you yes it is a comfort to express thoughts and feelings to people who truly understand